I feel betrayed

[Redwings1]

My GF and I have been together for a while and when we got together we mutually decided we would take the step not to entertain members of the opposite sex with out the other there or unless in a public place.. however this week (Monday) my GF sent a text to me at 13:10 and said to me.. "oh my friend (lets call him bill) is popping by soon, is that ok?
I replied to say.. "popping over or asked, told that was ok and then asked me?" (13:21)

now even though I could see she had read the text she didn't respond to that but then began talking about other things.. her working hours over Christmas etc.. the convo about her work hours and availability were 2 texts one at 13:22 and another at 13:23.. then quiet.. now I was at work and was busy.. but then received a text at 14:05 in which she said, "I was actually asking re: Bill. But he is here now!!"

So I responded to say:

Well it's tricky cos while I don't want to appear that I don't trust you or cant trust you at the same time we did agree to do things differently and not entertain the opposite sex without the other being there.. so Bill must have asked to come by.. he always has checked in the past and then you must have agreed and then asked me? So whether you asked or not you must have told him it was ok ahead of time?

she replied: Well I did ask but you did not reply in time.. he did call and only ask an hour or 2 of actually being here.. she sent that at 14:32

so time line.. she asks me at 13:10
ignores my 13:21 response until 14:05 in which she tells me I did not respond in time..

anyway I did send one more in which I said well you did ask I did reply (I gave the message timings) and as I say it's not that I don't trust you but it's not how we agreed to do things..

she then messaged back: I love you with an emoji and several kisses..

Then today I went into her phone to get her mums mobile number (to plan a surprise) and I could see when I opened her phone icon on her iPhone that she called 'Bill' Monday.. he never called her.. and that call was at 12:11.. I thought hey that does not match what she told me.. so then I did look in her text messages as I thought he must have text her then.. but what I found was she text him.. at 12ish.. he replied to say he was driving home from a supermarket.. at 12:04 and at 12:10 he text her again to say 'I'm home'.. then as I say she called his at 12:11.. 1 minute after he text her..

So full time line..again

she messaged him at 12.02
he replied at 12:04 and 12:10
she called him at 12:11
she messaged me to see if this was ok at 13:05
ignored my 13:21 reply
messaged me at 14:05 to say I had not replied
messaged me at 14:32 to defend herself

when I saw her later that day (Monday this week) I asked her how 'Bill' was and she said.. yeah he had to get his car repaired and so was close by and wanted to pop in to kill time..

But how can his car be in the garage for repair if he was driving home from the supermarket at 12:04.. obviously not much wrong with it..

So now I know she called him.. arranged a meeting.. lied to me about it and the purpose..

should I question her and let her know how I know.. or let it slide?

I was not purposefully snooping I have to say, I genuinely wanted her mothers number.. the fact I found the other details out was as a result.. but now I am wondering if I can trust her at all..even over a small issue ..

anyway.. then I did snoop.. I went into her FB messenger and saw she had spoken to an ex booty call on Sunday and was joking about him living really close enough connect to her wifi (he has recently moved back to our area) and how he had poor taste for letting her go.. but she told me she broke up with him years ago and had not seen much of him ..

I am now wondering how much I should say and whether she is trustworthy at all..

thoughts?? What would you say or do???

I have to reiterate.. that I ONLY went ito the text messages when I discovered she had not been honest with the phone call.. she called him.. not, as she said, he called her.. it was then that I thought .. well I wonder if she has been honest and he text her but she mistakenly said he called.. but it was then that I discovered she had text him first..

so she text and called him to arrange this meeting despite saying he was needing his car fixed and wanted to 'pop by'...

what do people here think??

You should text her at 14.12, and again at 14.17, asking if she had any texts in the meantime, then check to see if she did, or any FB messages, between 14.13 and 14.16, and then....

OH WAIT NO YOU SHOULDN'T. YOU SHOULD LEAVE HER ALONE AND WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE GROWN UP ENOUGH TO HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP.

calm down ppl
the OP and her GF appear to have one of this modern polyamory relationship with ethical non monogamy contract in place
It sounds like your GF is shagging around more then you would like to and not fallowing the agreement. And ultimately she may not care of the consequences unless you both love drama.
It's painful to accept but that ethical non-monogamy thing only works for very mature people (err) and where both party are totally on the same page. Your are not. Move away

Wow! That is Batshit crazy! I would never dream of doing this to my husband (17yrs together). There are serious issues here and I think this controlling and neurotic ways need to end. I can't believe you have s time line of texts Batshit crazy

Leave her, please.

No one should have to put up with such paranoia.

People have friends, sometimes they meet for coffee. They may call or text to arrange this. Both parties can make arrangements.

You sound scary.

Haha I don't think I've ever laughed so much at a Mumsnet post!

It's the detailing on the times that gets me, every single time. You really need to grow up - and don't lie saying you were checking her Mum's number you were obviously looking for ammunition to make yourself believe you're normal.

This is bat shit. Did you both decide or did you decide to be a mentally controlling arse?

This is crazy!

This is horrifying.

Even if you both agreed to 'do things differently', she DID ask you if it was ok to have her friend over. Rather than say yes, and thank her for the (frankly unnecessary) courtesy, you chose to quibble about the exact order in which you felt she should have done things... and then you snooped through her phone and social media accounts to trace her exact movements. And YOU feel betrayed??

You seriously need to address this. You are being horrifically controlling and you need to try to understand why you feel the need to behave like this.

Fucking hell OP, you sound like hard work.

Massively possessive or what? Echoing earlier poster, she should run for the hills.

We've got a live one here, folks

When you say "entertain....." ???

Hi all,
We don't think you'll be hearing from Redwings1 again...

Ha !

You sound like my ex.

My new partner is sane. It's great!

Your gf is probably just trying to have a life. You sound exhausting and incredibly dull... again my ex was just like this and nothing in the world is as big a turn off tbh....

Break up with her and find a woman who doesn't leave the house and has no friends to interrupt your relationship...

Now that's an MNHQ comment ive never seen before - how intriguing!

I usually miss the batshit threads, they normally get zapped first.

Have you taken him out Helen?

Helen

Oh! Really?

Have you been smacking bottoms Helen?