I feel betrayed

[Redwings1]

My GF and I have been together for a while and when we got together we mutually decided we would take the step not to entertain members of the opposite sex with out the other there or unless in a public place.. however this week (Monday) my GF sent a text to me at 13:10 and said to me.. "oh my friend (lets call him bill) is popping by soon, is that ok?
I replied to say.. "popping over or asked, told that was ok and then asked me?" (13:21)

now even though I could see she had read the text she didn't respond to that but then began talking about other things.. her working hours over Christmas etc.. the convo about her work hours and availability were 2 texts one at 13:22 and another at 13:23.. then quiet.. now I was at work and was busy.. but then received a text at 14:05 in which she said, "I was actually asking re: Bill. But he is here now!!"

So I responded to say:

Well it's tricky cos while I don't want to appear that I don't trust you or cant trust you at the same time we did agree to do things differently and not entertain the opposite sex without the other being there.. so Bill must have asked to come by.. he always has checked in the past and then you must have agreed and then asked me? So whether you asked or not you must have told him it was ok ahead of time?

she replied: Well I did ask but you did not reply in time.. he did call and only ask an hour or 2 of actually being here.. she sent that at 14:32

so time line.. she asks me at 13:10
ignores my 13:21 response until 14:05 in which she tells me I did not respond in time..

anyway I did send one more in which I said well you did ask I did reply (I gave the message timings) and as I say it's not that I don't trust you but it's not how we agreed to do things..

she then messaged back: I love you with an emoji and several kisses..

Then today I went into her phone to get her mums mobile number (to plan a surprise) and I could see when I opened her phone icon on her iPhone that she called 'Bill' Monday.. he never called her.. and that call was at 12:11.. I thought hey that does not match what she told me.. so then I did look in her text messages as I thought he must have text her then.. but what I found was she text him.. at 12ish.. he replied to say he was driving home from a supermarket.. at 12:04 and at 12:10 he text her again to say 'I'm home'.. then as I say she called his at 12:11.. 1 minute after he text her..

So full time line..again

she messaged him at 12.02
he replied at 12:04 and 12:10
she called him at 12:11
she messaged me to see if this was ok at 13:05
ignored my 13:21 reply
messaged me at 14:05 to say I had not replied
messaged me at 14:32 to defend herself

when I saw her later that day (Monday this week) I asked her how 'Bill' was and she said.. yeah he had to get his car repaired and so was close by and wanted to pop in to kill time..

But how can his car be in the garage for repair if he was driving home from the supermarket at 12:04.. obviously not much wrong with it..

So now I know she called him.. arranged a meeting.. lied to me about it and the purpose..

should I question her and let her know how I know.. or let it slide?

I was not purposefully snooping I have to say, I genuinely wanted her mothers number.. the fact I found the other details out was as a result.. but now I am wondering if I can trust her at all..even over a small issue ..

anyway.. then I did snoop.. I went into her FB messenger and saw she had spoken to an ex booty call on Sunday and was joking about him living really close enough connect to her wifi (he has recently moved back to our area) and how he had poor taste for letting her go.. but she told me she broke up with him years ago and had not seen much of him ..

I am now wondering how much I should say and whether she is trustworthy at all..

thoughts?? What would you say or do???

I have to reiterate.. that I ONLY went ito the text messages when I discovered she had not been honest with the phone call.. she called him.. not, as she said, he called her.. it was then that I thought .. well I wonder if she has been honest and he text her but she mistakenly said he called.. but it was then that I discovered she had text him first..

so she text and called him to arrange this meeting despite saying he was needing his car fixed and wanted to 'pop by'...

what do people here think??

She keeps her friendships and conversations etc private because you are a fucking psychopath. Normal people in normal relationships don't make pathetic rules, allow friendships of the opposite sex, don't read the others text messages and don't go through their facebook messages with a fine tooth comb.....back the fuck off and get some help for your paranoid controlling abusive manipulative behaviour.

Frankly you sound like a psycho from a late night cheap channel TV programme. I think you should dump her for her own sake.

She should go out with Bill. He sounds nice. You sound controlling. Are you aware that as of the end of last year controlling and coercive behaviour became illegal?
You both sound nuts, grow up.

13.01 OP posts a frankly batshit post
13.13 responds trying to defend his controlling behaviour
13.30 OP is never seen again when he realises all other poster think he's a nutcase.

Whaaaaat? This is crazy. Who has that kind of arrangement with their partner 'no members of the opposite sex?' Do neither of you have friends of the opposite sex? I
Might be missing something here but has someone cheated in the past? Or does this have cultural implications?

WTF?!?!?!

You need to end things with her. For her sake!!

Lol Rose!!

And the other question is why was he trying to get her mothers number??!

Seriously OP you're going to get slaughtered

This is not the normal way to conduct a relationship. It's time to end this one and next time don't have or agree to these stupid rules.

I don't believe there's any going back from snooping to come up with exact times. This one is not built to last the distance.

Just finish this pretend relationship.

You need a hobby mate

If I was you I'd stop her seeing female friends too. You know what us homosexuals are like

You sound unhinged. Poor woman. This way madness (and a break-up) lies.

Holy fuck.

Still, at least this is an insight into an abuser's mindset.

Jesus Christ

You sound like my ex. He used to check EVERYTHING, down to my mileage to make sure i was only going to work, and the timestamps on my messages to ensure I text him when I left work and then again when I got home. I loved him so much but I broke up with him. He was driving me insane and doing immeasurable damage with his mind games and guilt-tripping and gaslighting.

Seriously it must be sodding exhausting to be in your head OP.

Perhaps rather than time lines it would be easier just to set up cctv in the livingroom..

Utter bollocks 3/10 for effort

I would say either ...

a) this is a wind up
b) you need to get help

You don't trust your gf. It doesn't matter who wanted this agreement, if the agreement is stupid.

I think you're a nasty controlling abusive arsehole who should finish his relationship with his girlfriend for her own sake.

Even if this was the other way around, I'd be giving the same advice.

That amount of stalking and fact checking is scary. You're scary.

Batshit crazy and deeply unpleasant.

However this week (Monday) my GF sent a text to me at 13:10 and said to me.. "oh my friend (lets call him bill) is popping by soon, is that ok?
I replied to say.. "popping over or asked, told that was ok and then asked me?" (13:21)

reading this text exchange made me feel queasy. Why do people tolerate this shit.

Skools out

Snort

Scary

Silly arrangement that would never work.

The two of you need to grow up. If you can't trust in a relationship, where there's no cheating happened, you're probably both better off working on youreelves.