Younger women

[OCSockOrphanage]

DH and I are having a conversation. I said that all men were biologically programmed to prefer younger women, if presented with the invitation. We are 60 and have been married for 25 plus years. He is offended by the suggestion. What's your opinion

OP, tell your DH that most women prefer a red hard top. My DH always fancied women a bit older than himself, Helen Mirren for example. He had total contempt for men who chased young girls, saying they were too weak to cope with an equal adult.

In the world of OLD there are a lot of men looking for younger women like they think every man deserves a supermodel at some time in their life & their time had come.... but mostly those women want nothing to do with them! I was a bit annoyed - & certainly didn't fancy men 20 years older than me - but reasoned I wouldn't want to be with such a shallow man anyway
I think most people want to be with someone who shares their cultural references... my partner who is all of 3 months older than me & I are in our 50s

This is an evolutionary psychology thing, isn't it. I think that's generally considered bunk these days.

I've noticed a suspicious tendency for evolutionary psychology to be heavily biased towards claiming there's a natural order for older men to have sex with younger women, and younger women (oh how conveniently) wanting to be with older men. I'm suspecting that evolutionary psychology theory was developed by a handful of middle-aged men having an existential crisis: men want to be with younger women to convince themselves they're not losing their youth and vigour procreate with, and women want men to look after them so are therefore all attracted to older men who are more likely to have a stash of resources put aside.

Except that last bit doesn't work, because if all this is being presented as some kind of evolutionary throw-back, we need to factor in that our nature-dwelling ancestors weren't known for having long-term investments and pensions because berries didn't last that long. Theoretically then, if women are programmed to be more attracted to providers, all women should be attracted to anyone young, fit and healthy enough to chase down a bear, or to climb a tree to get the best apples. And even that is bollocks, because it seems more likely that women did all their own hunting and fishing anyway.

And anyway, if it was in fact the case that all older men made great providers and therefore younger women couldn't get enough of them, then men's berry-pensions would be depleted in very short order, leaving them and any previously born children destitute. So shagging too many young, fertile women would be the absolute worst thing to do.

And now I'm going to haul my peri-menopausal carcass to bed while repeating all that stuff to myself in a comforting manner.

What's a red top? Am I too tired here?

what greypaw said!

DH would be really upset if I said this to him. He's younger than me, his girlfriend before me was 10 years younger than me. We like who we like. He really wouldn't like an implication that he "should" prefer someone else.

My DH is much older than me (22 years). His first wife was 3 years younger than him. He says he was very conscious when we got together that he was older, and that people would judge him - although he fell in love with me as a person, not as a 20 year old woman. I'm the first (much) younger woman he dated and he is quite amused by the OP.

Yes, we all have a trade. Men are visual, women to be nurtured.
Looks and money have a trade off, to settle if you like. Define nurture tho?
It is crucially dependent on age, however we kid ouselves not.

What the red soft top? I'm guessing a car, but one that appreciates? Would like to know make and model!

Agree with Greypaw. All the women in my family for 3 generations have gone for younger men, and the men for younger women.

I liked a young, fit hottie, and my DH liked an older, more worldly, superior-in-every-way woman. S'worked well for us (10 year gap, and neither of us so hot any more) for 30+ years.

I totally get your point OP & if push came to shove, based on my experiences as a male, if a man had two options would go for the younger option 90% of the time. I'm in the 10% who wouldn't, my partner is 10 years older than me.

Darling - is that you??!!

The red rag top is a Honda S2000. No longer made, and bought at the bottom of the market but now starting to appreciate (as long you as you don't count the cost of keeping it perfect).

Thank you to everyone who chipped in and went on afterwards! Good points, well made. Never a definitive answer on such topics I guess.

and

In terms of evolution, survival of the species etc you are right. But humans can luckily use our brains to make decisions/preferences. I agree with you though that there is a reason why women are most fertile between certain ages and men are fertile pretty much for their whole lives

It's recently been discovered that sperm quality deteriorates with age, so the idea that a man can procreate just as healthily at any age simply isn't true. If your OH is knocking on a bit it may damage any potential DC.

What prawn said + turns out pregnancies to older men result in miscarriage more often. Of course no-one noticed this for the entire history of human existence because when a woman miscarries obviously it must be due to her.

Anyway.

It's my birthday today :D and I step back up to 5 years older than DH. He seems quite cheerful with his lot :D

My completely unscientific and biased opinion is that certain men are immature man children looking for someone the same mental age as them... goes wrong when the women grows up a bit and he doesn't.

I had an ex like this. The age gaps just kept getting bigger. His partner before me had only been 5-6 years younger which is nothing on the face of it but but they got togther when she was 15/16, when the age gap seems larger. For us the age gap was 12 years. Next girlfriend 15 year age gap... etc. Last seen harassing woman 20 yrs his junior.

Anything that goes wrong with procreation is always the woman's fault . That's a given, 70s. Always wondered how all those kings, Henry VIII for instance, would react if they had discovered that it was they who determined the baby's sex.

I'm intrigued, 70s. Which dinner party classic are you referring to? S'not prawn cocktail, I hope.

And is it not all individual? Not everyone has a type, or a preference, but can be knocked sideways by somebody older or younger than what is usually preferred?

Your statement is too general. But I understand why you're aiming at. Theres is also a difference between one off sex and a relationship as well remember.

However, There's a reason lap dancing bars are not usually staffed by half naked women in their fifties, sixties, seventies and eighties and it's not just because they all have more sense. 😂

I think if you look at surveys and online dating sites, there's a trend for men to ask for partners who are younger than themselves but also slim and attractive. It's pretty obvious why, those women are 'high status' in physical terms and so signify for the man (if he's into women) that he can attract women with socially valued qualities.

However, this is such a general statement to be almost meaningless in my own life, most of the people I know are either well matched in age, but also women 10 years older, and I did know a guy whose wife was 20 years older than him, he was 40, she was 60 when we met. I also tend but not exclusively to meet couples where they are looking for intellectual compatibility, which isn't necessarily found by going 20 years younger. That said, I've noticed a trend for men in their forties to find intellectually compatible women quite a bit younger, then have a second family so there may be some truth in this.

I don't think it's true to say all men though, it's really more complicated than that.

My DH is 22 years older than me. He obviously prefers younger but in the same way that I prefer an older man. We don't actually see an 'age difference', just a great relationship.

We do get the odd look but they don't bother me :)

Maybe back in the hay day but I would not says this applies today, women can look good any age these days

Christian Rudder, the guy who started OKCupid, wrote a book proving you're right, OP. And if he doesn't have a decent dataset to go by, nobody does. Blog on age and dating here. jezebel.com/mens-favorite-ages-are-20-21-22-and-23-a-data-dive-1731660984

I have an S2K - lots of fun!
Rather depends on what the man is after

If I suddenly found myself single I am sure the idea of a toned 25 -30 year old full of hormones would be more appealing than a say 50 something going through the menopause. And i guess I'd be so knackered from all the sex I wouldnt notice we had nothing to talk about

I seriously cant imagine having a ltr with someone say 17 years younger. The idea that when they were my age now I'd be the same age as mil is just odd to me but then I cant really imagine not being wit my wife.

As for the comment on sperm, its pretty much accepted that the risk of chidren developing autism is much higher when the father is over 40.