How do you expect your OH's behaviour to differ when you are married? (lighthearted)

[namechange102]

Have just read the thread about the bf not being able to go out to a nightclub and it got me thinking. What do you expect your OH to do (or not do) once you've committed to marriage. Or casual to exclusive LTR?

Personally, I hate it when he goes out eating/drinking every night and gets smashed when he's working away. I think I'm jealous he's living it up as if he were single again!

Oh yeah, and not having porn on the laptop the kids now use for homework. Gross, but having a word obv hasn't stopped him in the past.

Anyone else?

I personally don't think anything should change. Whatever your reasons for marrying, surely it's because you like what you had before?
I think people that expect things to change are straight away, changing the terms of the contract, unless of course it's something that's been pre-discussed.
If people were happy & things were going to change, just because they'd got married, I doubt many people would do it. Shell out on a wedding & make your life worse, would be a ridiculous idea

Nothing. If you marry someone expecting them to change, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

I didn't expect him to change, but I didn't realise before we shared a house that here was SO much sport on TV. Soooooo much.

Plus porn on a computer used by kids is seriously off - if one of them watched it, that constitutes abuse.

There's a saying - Women marry men expecting that they will change, but they never do.

Men marry women expecting that they won't change, but they always do.

People don't change on marriage. Expecting them to is an express route to disappointment. OP I suggest you have a very serious think before marrying this pillock - out drinking every night? Using the family laptop for porn and presumably not clearing it properly, so the kids are exposed to pornographic material? Nightmare.

Not out drinking every night, Garden, just when working away with colleagues and enjoying the nightlife rather than staying in every night, I guess.
Agree with you on the laptop use, I was fuming!

If someone likes to go out for a drink and it doesn't affect their work, then I'm not quite sure why you'd expect them to behave differently after marriage, when away from home? It's not like you're waiting for them to come home so you can share dinner/have a chat.

But then I'm not sure why someone would find watching porn attractive in a partner, so perhaps I'm not the right person to ask.

Didn't say I found porn watching attractive! He does it anyway, again usually while working away.
Maybe I was under the impression that middle aged married men didn't feel the need to go out carousing at every opportunity while away from home. Guess I'm just a boring old fuddy duddy! :)

It is a fairly major behaviour though to not find attractive - it's not like leaving the loo seat up where you can put it down to a minor part of their character.

What do you expect him to do? Sit in the hotel bored every night?

(But I have no objection to my DH going out with the lads - mainly 20 years+ younger than him - when he's away for work. He doesn't get drunk, though he may be happily dragged to a pub where the footy, or some sport in some other time zone, is on and watch later than he would at home, but it's not like I'm the one having to remind him he has to get up in the morning)

I expect him to call me 'Wifey' and me to call him 'Hubby'.

Hermione, nope, but when he's at home he's a real homebody, spends all night on the kindle/XBox/laptop (not porn watching, before anyone says it!)...never suggests we get a sitter and go out.

The laptop porn is grim and if the kids see it, its a safeguarding issue. A major shit storm would rightly kick up if they told their teachers about it. The drinking when he's away anyway - is it affecting his job, spending money he doesn't have, or are there deep seated trust issues? If yes to any of those then its problematic. If no, you're being unreasonable about it. If I was away on business I wouldn't be sitting like a sad lonely soul by myself in some charmless business hotel room, and I'm an almost middle aged (well 35) married woman.

Garden, doesn't affect job, money is ok, but sadly he did behave badly on a previous work conference. It is pretty much in the past, but perhaps this is why it pisses me off when he gets so drunk on a night away that he can't recall what he was doing. I really feel as if he should be behaving better as a form of continuing reassurance really. Sad.
Not as lighthearted as I'd hoped!

Behave badly as in drank too much and was loud in a restaurant or behave badly as in slept with a colleague when in a relationship with you/colleague was in a relationship, or got arrested, or threw up on the boss?

Went off with the intention of getting a sly shag. Still don't know what happened, but the intent was there.

When we'd been together for years....hadn't told me we were having problems!

Hmm then I think you have bigger problems than "changing behaviour after marriage" and I'm not really qualified to comment!

Hmm, I think my point was that I would hope that he wouldn't want to go out and get steaming drunk as a married man with kids, but it appears when the opportunity is there he will...

Seriously concerned about the porn/laptop issue ... would be an immediate deal breaker for me

OP I married my DH because of who he is not because of who I wanted him to be - wouldn't change him for the world

LaundryLady, so you'd walk out on the family after finding something?? I found it, not the kids. Not saying it's right, obv.

No but his ass would be gone - porn on a family laptop !!
I have no issues with porn per se but not where our children can access it - i'd be raging