How do you expect your OH's behaviour to differ when you are married? (lighthearted)

[namechange102]

Have just read the thread about the bf not being able to go out to a nightclub and it got me thinking. What do you expect your OH to do (or not do) once you've committed to marriage. Or casual to exclusive LTR?

Personally, I hate it when he goes out eating/drinking every night and gets smashed when he's working away. I think I'm jealous he's living it up as if he were single again!

Oh yeah, and not having porn on the laptop the kids now use for homework. Gross, but having a word obv hasn't stopped him in the past.

Anyone else?

He's tried to cheat on you and acts in a manner that leaves you concerned he'll do it again, and he leaves porn where your kids can find it. A piece of paper and a strip of metal won't change this. Marriage ought to be a celebration of a happy marriage not a ball and chain. You need to sort your issues out before the wedding.

If I found porn on a laptop my children had access to, I would boot his arse out the door before he could even start to apologise.

I think the going out with work is a red herring here.

How is it a red herring, Hermione?

Because you've got bigger issues - intent to cheat and porn on a family laptop

Oh, sorry, thought you were thinking I was making that bit up as a red herring for some reason!

Haha no, not at all!

I just think if you were happy with the rest of your relationship, the going out wouldn't be an issue.

People have a tendency to focus on really minor problems because they can't handle dealing with the big ones. I know I've done it in the past.

Was the porn on a family laptop or his laptop while he takes away for work that he forgot about?
Has it only happened once? If so I wouldn't be that bothered by it anymore.

To your question, I expect more conversations and consideration about the future together.

whattodo - yes, it was on the laptop he'd taken away. He'd managed to remember to delete a folder of dodgy pics and the shortcut to it, but obv forgot that he'd bookmarked a slutty video. He knows I don't like him watching porn, I was shocked he'd be so blase about bookmarking something and not be careful enough about cleaning stuff off again. Its not ideal that he looks in the first place, esp since he told me he would stop, he seems to think all men do it, sometimes just out of boredom... It's not the first time either, I found pics in folders on three different devices over the years and remember asking him to clear his crap off because at that time I used to go on there with the kids when they were younger to look at videos /music etc. They are obviously now at the age where they need to use a computer for schoolwork and it would have been so easy for either of them to click on a random bookmark out of curiosity.

Hermione - you might be onto something with the focus on minor problems. I think a lot of things have come to a head this year, and trying to discuss it with him just makes me feel like I'm talking in circles.