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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP in a foul mood regarding Christmas

42 replies

Nord · 10/12/2016 18:29

DP has been in a foul mood for days. His ex is taking his DD 300 miles north for 3 weeks over Christmas.

We have a baby, I said at least he'll get to spend it with one of his children and he flew off the handle.

His family aren't coming either, despite being asked. My father and step mother aren't 'doing' Christmas this year although said they'll pop in....

I have my other 3 DC here so looks like it'll just be us.

DP is being insufferably grumpy. What do I do?

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 10/12/2016 18:31

Acknowledge he is disappointed but tell him he can't sulk for weeks and it isn't fair on his other children.

Original poster
Nord · 10/12/2016 18:32

Thanks, We have a baby together, the 3 other DC are mine.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 10/12/2016 18:34

dont do anything. He feels shit about xmas this year. It happens

oldestmumaintheworld · 10/12/2016 18:36

Can understand that he is disappointed and he can organise something with his DD before Christmas, but he need to stop sulking. This is not a pleasant trait in an adult. It also isn't your fault and you might to remind him of that.

Alternatively, send him off 300 miles away as well and tell him to come back when he's had enough of his ex-wife. (LOL)

MrsNuckyThompson · 10/12/2016 18:40

I'd try some sympathy for a day or two then have a firm but fair word that he needs to pull himself together for the sake of you, your baby together and your other children.

Joysmum · 10/12/2016 18:46

Of course he's still got the rest of you for Christmas but that in no way makes up for sadness at not seeing his DD for 3 weeks over Christmas. Having more kids doesn't make to value the first any less. Try to have some empathy.

SheldonsSpot · 10/12/2016 18:48

I'd try some sympathy.

I know you meant well, but saying "at least you'll be...." isn't really helpful when he'll be missing his DD and his family apparently can't be arsed.

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 10/12/2016 18:49

I don't get this bollocks about "Sulking" and being "Moody"?

I'm never moody or sulky. if something pisses me off, IT pisses me off, that's no excuse to be a fucking twat with anything or anyone other than the thing or person that has pissed me off.

Tell him to pull hi head out of his arse and stop making other peoples lives shit because he isn't getting his own way. Tantruming like a child only makes him look pathetic.

SVJAA · 10/12/2016 18:50

I understand he's gutted about not having his DD for Christmas, but that doesn't give him the right to go out of his way to ruin it for everyone else. My best mate died 5 days before Christmas 3 years ago and I hate it, I hate everything about Christmas now. But I still paint on a smile and make an effort for DP and the kids, because they love it.

Naicehamshop · 10/12/2016 18:52

Exactly what Pinkie said. He sounds awful - ruining your Christmas because his hasn't gone to plan.

birdybirdywoofwoof · 10/12/2016 18:53

It must be annoying for you, but I don't think saying,
at least he'll get to spend it with one of his children was the way to go.

Give him a bit of time. It's not Christmas yet. Id wait a few days and then say, Look, its been a week now, I know things are tough, but your behavious is not fair on me and the kids...can you try and fake it a bit?'

Goingtobeawesome · 10/12/2016 18:58

I know the other three are yours but if he's their step father he needs to treat them all the same.

Joysmum · 10/12/2016 19:01

I know the other three are yours but if he's their step father he needs to treat them all the same

And on that note, how many mothers would be happy to have one of their children absent for 3 weeks and effectively have their feelings belittled because they've got another 1 or 2 at home still Hmm

Naicehamshop · 10/12/2016 19:14

So - how does ruining Christmas for everyone else help with that, Joysmum

Joysmum · 10/12/2016 19:17

So - how does ruining Christmas for everyone else help with that, Joysmum

It's not Xmas for another couple of weeks he's entitled to be upset and have time to come to terms with it. That's now going to take longer to happen because the OP has been completely insensitive.

Branleuse · 10/12/2016 19:20

i think youd be feeling pretty shit too if your children were all going 300 miles away for 3 weeks and you wouldnt be seeing them at christmas.

Branleuse · 10/12/2016 19:22

I think people do have the right to be upset and in bad moods sometimes. It happens to all of us.

Goingtobeawesome · 10/12/2016 19:24

I'm not belittling his feelings Confused. My clear point was that the children that are at home deserve him fully there.

Goingtobeawesome · 10/12/2016 19:25

This has reminded me how I've never spent a single Christmas Day with either parent. My.mother never wanted me on the day. Completely irrelevant I know

Joysmum · 10/12/2016 19:54

I'm not belittling his feelings confused. My clear point was that the children that are at home deserve him fully there

He can be upset and fully there. My DH lost his grandfather on Xmas eve and both his parents by the time he was 40.

He's allowed to be upset. We acknowledge we are having a great family Christmas but that there are people missing.

We do not deny or suppress those feelings but acknowledge and deal with them in an open way.

Your clear pint is that you are choosing be be negative about a man who has every right to be upset and who's to know how he will be in 2 weeks time.

If the OP shows a little sympathise understanding he'll be a lot better than if she continues to try to minimise his hurt.

Joysmum · 10/12/2016 19:56

Applogies for the typos Blush

Naicehamshop · 10/12/2016 20:03

Rubbish Joysmum. He is sulking and inflicting his bad temper on his wife and her children. Don't make apologies for an insensitive, immature man-child.

NotStoppedAllDay · 10/12/2016 20:03

I agree with joysmum

There's plenty of time before Christmas for him to sort his disappointment out...plenty

NotStoppedAllDay · 10/12/2016 20:04

Op hasn't said he was'sulking'

She said he is 'grumpy'

sonjadog · 10/12/2016 20:47

I´d give it another couple of days and then hopefully he´ll brighten up again. He´s just upset at the moment and your comment was a little insensitive.

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