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Original poster

DP in a foul mood regarding Christmas

42 replies

Nord · 10/12/2016 18:29

DP has been in a foul mood for days. His ex is taking his DD 300 miles north for 3 weeks over Christmas.

We have a baby, I said at least he'll get to spend it with one of his children and he flew off the handle.

His family aren't coming either, despite being asked. My father and step mother aren't 'doing' Christmas this year although said they'll pop in....

I have my other 3 DC here so looks like it'll just be us.

DP is being insufferably grumpy. What do I do?

OP posts:
SheldonCRules · 10/12/2016 21:17

Your comment was awful, it sounds like you think your joint child is better and more important than his first.

Of course he is entitled to his feelings, it's his child. You have all yours with you, have a little empathy.

Kr1stina · 10/12/2016 21:36

Lots of people don't get to be with their kids on Christmas Day. Because they are with their other parent. Or spending Christmas with their DF or GF family. Or they are studying abroad . Or ill in hospital. Or in care. Or dead .

Yes it's very sad. But you don't get to ruin Christmas for everyone else because of it, especially your other children/step children .

SheldonsSpot · 10/12/2016 22:23

How has he "ruined Christmas", it is only 10th December isn't it, or have I lost a whole 2 weeks?

NotStoppedAllDay · 10/12/2016 22:26

Lol sheldon don't you know on mumsnet the 'magic of christmas' starts straight after bonfire night?!

Original poster
Nord · 10/12/2016 22:40

I didn't get to spend it with my DC last year for the first time ever. I was tearful all day. I feel it will be easier in the future when ex h had them as least I'll have our child with us. That's all I was trying to convey to him.

His family don't want to spend it with us as it's quite far, despite us travelling to spend it with them for the past two years... Thought now we had a new baby they might do the leg work. Is that unreasonable? Sil would like her DD to wake up in her own bed on Christmas morning though, and rest of family won't come if sil, bil and their DD don't...

OP posts:
NotStoppedAllDay · 10/12/2016 22:45

So you cried all day last year and you are having a go at him for being a bit grumpy? Why are his feelings about not seeing his children at Christmas less valid than yours?

Imbroglio · 10/12/2016 22:50

3 weeks is a long time and my guess is that he's upset that his ex thinks this is ok, and his own family have also left him feeling quite low on their list of priorities.

In terms of what you can do, could you plan something lovely for next year?

Original poster
Nord · 10/12/2016 22:52

Because I didn't take it out on him. His sadness I can cope with, It's his snapping and anger that I'm struggling with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nord · 10/12/2016 22:52

Do you think his family are being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Imbroglio · 10/12/2016 22:59

His family is entitled to do what works for them but I can see that he might be feeling raw if they have refused an invitation?

PenguinsandPebbles · 10/12/2016 23:05

Depending on ages I don't think your inlaws are being unreasonable.

We live a good distance from our families and it's too much for some of them to travel. Our siblings live five minutes away from our parents, so they do Christmas at home and go to parents houses afterwards usually.

They have however made the effort to visit us and if we had a tiny baby I would very much like to think they would make the effort to drive to us on Christmas Day if they wanted mornings at home - the offer is always there for them to come to us at anytime.

Your DP/DH is likely very upset he can't spend it with his daughter, I know DP would be (he is RP) I would just keep in mind everyone deals with sadness differently.

Original poster
Nord · 10/12/2016 23:07

His family are all fairly young, his mum is only 55 and she's the eldest.

OP posts:
PenguinsandPebbles · 10/12/2016 23:37

Not very old at all then!

My IL are 70's so the drive is getting to much for them. We would drive to them because of this. My mum is mid 60's and fine driving so she comes to us more often.

Can they not do Christmas morning and come to yours afterwards?

TyneTeas · 10/12/2016 23:46

Everyone is allowed a bit of Hippo time but one person doesn't get to set the mood of the house

sonjadog · 11/12/2016 07:35

So you cried last year but this year when it's his daughter, he's not allowed to be upset?!

You cried, he gets grumpy. People express their upset differently. I also get grumpy rather than weepy when I'm sad. I wouldn't be impressed if a partner decided that their way of showing upset was valid and mine wasn't. Try having some more empathy.

user1477282676 · 11/12/2016 07:36

If he can't get over himself for the sake of the children who ARE present, tell him to fuck off.

I'm serious. He's an adult. Shit happens.

SandyY2K · 11/12/2016 07:51

I'd be upset if I couldn't see one of my children for 3 weeks and over Christmas too. A bit of empathy would help and acknowledge he is upset and why.

He probably doesn't intend to take it out on you and be grumpy, but when something upsets us, it can affect other relationships as well.

Has he just found out about it?
Could he not negotiate the duration with his Ex?

In the meantime, I'd be patient and ignore the grumpiness by giving him space. He'll soon realise that Christmas will be a lot worse if he doesn't start being less grumpy.

Unfortunately, these are the downsides of split families.

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