Don't speak to me until you're ready to have sex with me

[Kokorico]

DH has just said this to me after I have told him it's over. I have trie to end things hundreds of times before but he always manages to get me to change my mind by using the children as weapons or saying he'll tell everyone my secrets (past abortion when younger, depression etc..) including my parents. Tonight I told him I would not be having sex with someone who disrespects me, gives me rules to follow, puts me down and won't even have a conversation with me. He has tried it on 4 times since and says everything is down to the fact I won't sleep with him (I won't) when I turned him down again saying it was over (again) he said don't speak to me til you're ready to have sex with me. Am I in the wrong? I have said nothing will change just by having sex we need to sort ourselves out but he just goes in a rage Don't really want answers just needed to get off my chest.

You are absolutely NOT in the wrong, OP. You are absolutely in an abusive marriage and depressed largely because of it. If you're planning to leave then really, it can't be soon enough in my opinion. It wouldn't surprise me if his "trying it on" got somewhat more determined and unstoppable so be on your guard.

Like others, I also feel that your family will rally but you should maybe try and speak with Women's Aid for help in making a plan.

What are his "rules" btw?

How are you today? Is he around because it's the weekend? I hope you have spoken to women's aid. Also, take a deep breath and tell your mum that you have to tell her something that embarrasses you as you know it will shock her., tell her you don't want to have to tell her but that you can't tolerate the blackmail you're enduring currently.

Can I just say.

Log out of here all the time, delete your internet history so he can't track you here.
Think about using private browser as it doesn't store anything you look at.

Please stay safe.