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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help me

42 replies

user1481045638 · 06/12/2016 17:52

Dear mumsnet,

I seriously need some help, advice....

I met a guy on a dating website in april this year, we started dating - spending every weekend together, he came to mine, I went to his, we went shopping, doing things like normal couples do. I asked him what he wanted he said he wanted to move in eventually and live together...this was in august. however, things are changing...I started noticing changes, like less communication, no attention to detail, wouldn't notice things, less affection care and love...- I asked him when he is going to move in he said we had never agreed to moving in together, he was happy with us being the way we were- ....i started feeling abandoned and lonely I brought it up to him and he said I was overreacting. so I stopped thinking I was probably over reacting because ive been cheated on in the past so I thought I was letting the past ruin the present. few days ago I got hold of his facebook password, I logged on and saw chats with women loads of women and one of them he was already planning to go and meet up ... I went to his house and confronted him, he laughed it off saying it was just fun, he wasn't gonna meet anyone or wasn't cheating...he made me look like an idiot even though I know what I read when I left from there I couldn't believe how well he played and handled the situation - its like he was a professional .... he has been normal like nothing has happened - lastnight I logged onto his dating website account which I thought we had both agreed to bring it down as soon as we started dating. on his account, he is single and is chatting up so many women, one of them he was inviting himself to her house in the middle of the night. ok I know some of you will say that its wrong to invade his privacy, but I know he is cheating on me, what should I do? how do I confront him this time without him sweet talking me out and turning the tables around?????? My friend tells me to just break it off via text, but I don't want to do that, I want him to know why hes being dumped. I am broken. I trusted the guy blindly, I cannot believe he would do this to me.....what should I do?

OP posts:
BumDNC · 06/12/2016 17:55

You need to dump him.
There is literally no other option here. And no point confronting him either. He's a knob

ChicRock · 06/12/2016 17:56

You need to dump him.

Or he needs to dump you.

But I get the feeling you won't.

Mooey89 · 06/12/2016 17:57

Just break it off love.
You don't want this, do you? It's early on, you aren't committed, so get out while you can.

iremembericod · 06/12/2016 17:57

I don't think he'll care why you broke up.

What's the point in dragging out more upset? It's over. The 'dream' has gone. He's not going to suddenly change and realise the error of his ways is he? He doesn't care.

And erm, don't go logging into people's private accounts, it's just not on.

PineappleExpress · 06/12/2016 17:57

You just run.

I wouldn't even bother breaking it off with him. He has already used the typical response of "it was just a joke/bit of fun/laugh".
He doesn't deserve to know why and he will either try to talk you round, which may or may not work, or he will just say he doesn't care and laugh it off, which will hurt.

I'm sorry he has done this to you. Don't waste another moment of your time on him

ptumbi · 06/12/2016 17:58

What should you do? There is no choice - he is cheating, he is a player, he is manipulative; what other action could there possibly be other than to DUMP and delete?

Don;t bother tying yourself in knots about 'he should know why he's dumped' - he'll know, and he won;t care. he'll be already onto the next.

You deserve better.

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing · 06/12/2016 17:58

Tell him it's over. No ifs or buts. Just over.

PurpleWithRed · 06/12/2016 17:59

"you are a lying, cheating, manipulative bastard. You are dumped" should do it. Fits nicely in a tweet.

PollytheDolly · 06/12/2016 18:00

I wouldn't even waste a text telling him he's dumped and mine are free.

Onwards and upwards!

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2016 18:01

Well, I suspect you know the answer, clearly you have to bin him. And you can tell him via text, something like " you're a lying cheating bastard so it's over" will ensure he understands why.

Are you hoping he is going to change if you confront him. Because obviously that's not going to happen. If he's cheating now in the honey moon period you've got no hope of a happy ever ending.

AnyFucker · 06/12/2016 18:01

You know he is cheating so what is there to discuss ? Confused

Dump him. Move on.

Blossomdeary · 06/12/2016 18:02

Yes - just do it, and get on and live your life.

meyourelookingfor · 06/12/2016 18:17

Sounds to me like you have been "love bombed" ... all this since April?! You should still be at the getting to know you stage. Anyway, I know it's tough... you know what you need to do!

mamakena · 06/12/2016 19:10

You need to be more loving and understanding, and apologize for invading his privacy. That will make him realize you're the one for him and he'll stop chatting with other women...

Just kidding! Dump the cheating manipulative bastard stat. Why is this not obvious?

Fairenuff · 06/12/2016 19:40

he laughed it off saying it was just fun

I only read up to here OP. Tells you everything you need to know. Dump him.

DarkNightDelight · 06/12/2016 19:51

You may have feeling etc for him but it's been a short relationship l, he's lost interest and is clearly cheating on you. Dump his pathetic lying ass, you'd be paranoid for the rest of the relationship and wouldn't trust him.
I'm not against snooping, gotta go with that gut feeling.

good luck x

PlymouthMaid1 · 06/12/2016 19:55

He is a git and I think it is common for a new relationship to only show its true colours after around six months. Ditch the git.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 06/12/2016 19:59

'What should I do?'

You dump him, block him and move on without fostering further drama. So far there's been cheating, angry confrontations, account hacking, promises of life together after 4 months, people feeling 'abandoned' and 'broken', and a man who's a pathetic little twat.

Really, get rid of him and just slow down.

Original poster
user1481045638 · 06/12/2016 22:29

thank you everyone. I feel so stupid for trusting the bastard !

OP posts:
Princesspinkgirl · 06/12/2016 22:35

Please dump this moron you deserve better

Itssosunny · 06/12/2016 23:03

What a bustard. You can text him saying you saw that he is in touch with many women and this is not what you expect when two people are in a relationship. So for this reason you're out. Have fun. Don't ever contact me again.

OliviaStabler · 06/12/2016 23:06

Run away. Very fast.

Flowers
stumblymonkey · 06/12/2016 23:12

Agree with all PP.

You don't confront him. You just delete his number and all trace of him from your life. Chalk it up to experience and count yourself lucky to have dodged a bullet and never, ever speak to him again.

demonchilde · 06/12/2016 23:22

Another one here who thought 'loved bombed' as soon as I read your post. The time scale fits too. OP - if you're not familiar with the term, then google it. I've a feeling something will resonate if you do. I'd also look up about codependent relationships, maybe that will explain why seem so reluctant to bin someone who is quite clearly a player.

And as for him explaining stuff away - he shouldn't be able to do that, you should be able to trust your own judgement more than his. Why don't you?

But seriously, run, and be grateful for the fact that it only took a few months for his mask to slip. It won't be easy, you sound almost addicted to him, but far better to do it now than get even more tangled up in this 'relationship'.

Txt him, tell him to fuck off, then block him and delete his number etc. There's people out there who deserve you, but he doesn't Flowers

Original poster
user1481045638 · 07/12/2016 11:15

all i needed was loyalty back from him, that's all. but now i want to teach him a fkn lesson! for years ive been silent with men treating me badly, lieing, cheating and the bs, i always let go and move on - i think its time men need to be taught a fucking lesson and know that women are not doormats, don't underestimate them and treat them with respect. how do i do it is the big question?!

OP posts: