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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help me

42 replies

user1481045638 · 06/12/2016 17:52

Dear mumsnet,

I seriously need some help, advice....

I met a guy on a dating website in april this year, we started dating - spending every weekend together, he came to mine, I went to his, we went shopping, doing things like normal couples do. I asked him what he wanted he said he wanted to move in eventually and live together...this was in august. however, things are changing...I started noticing changes, like less communication, no attention to detail, wouldn't notice things, less affection care and love...- I asked him when he is going to move in he said we had never agreed to moving in together, he was happy with us being the way we were- ....i started feeling abandoned and lonely I brought it up to him and he said I was overreacting. so I stopped thinking I was probably over reacting because ive been cheated on in the past so I thought I was letting the past ruin the present. few days ago I got hold of his facebook password, I logged on and saw chats with women loads of women and one of them he was already planning to go and meet up ... I went to his house and confronted him, he laughed it off saying it was just fun, he wasn't gonna meet anyone or wasn't cheating...he made me look like an idiot even though I know what I read when I left from there I couldn't believe how well he played and handled the situation - its like he was a professional .... he has been normal like nothing has happened - lastnight I logged onto his dating website account which I thought we had both agreed to bring it down as soon as we started dating. on his account, he is single and is chatting up so many women, one of them he was inviting himself to her house in the middle of the night. ok I know some of you will say that its wrong to invade his privacy, but I know he is cheating on me, what should I do? how do I confront him this time without him sweet talking me out and turning the tables around?????? My friend tells me to just break it off via text, but I don't want to do that, I want him to know why hes being dumped. I am broken. I trusted the guy blindly, I cannot believe he would do this to me.....what should I do?

OP posts:

Gazelda · 07/12/2016 11:21

Honestly OP, don't waste any more of your time or energy on him. If you take revenge or try to teach him a lesson, he won't take any notice and will possibly accuse you of being 'desperate' or unhinged. You're not going to change him. Move on.

RatherBeRiding · 07/12/2016 11:32

You can't "teach him a lesson" because he doesn't care! He's a player, he's played you, he is probably playing any number of other women right now and feeding them all the same kind of crap he's fed you.

The best thing you can do is keep your dignity. You can either end it formally by telling him you don't want to see him any more because he's a lying bastard, or simply block his number and forget all about him.

TheNaze73 · 07/12/2016 13:44

Dump him. Obvious root cause here, is way too much, too soon. After 8 months you should not be spending all weekend together. He's bored & moved on. You've had a lucky escape

BumDNC · 07/12/2016 14:14

Learn the lesson for yourself it's much less of a waste

HoneyBeeMum1 · 07/12/2016 14:47

I sometimes think some Mumsnet members are too quick to offer the 'dump him, he is a bastard' type of advice when a relationship might be repaired with a bit of understanding and 'give and take'.

This is not one of those times though and I am 100% in agreement with other contributors this time. This man is offering you nothing. In his mind he has probably already ended the relationship, or if he hasn't he is expecting you to do his dirty work for him. That you are able to access his personal account says it all - he wants you to know without having to go to the trouble of telling you. He is a coward.

There is nothing left for you to do except expunge him from your life. Don't even tell him you are doing it - let him find out by default. He probably gets a thrill from the early excitement of a new romance and doesn't have the emotional maturity to see it through to the long-term stages of a proper relationship. That is his problem, don't let it be yours.

Give yourself time to mourn the loss of what you thought he could offer and learn from the experience.

Good luck.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/12/2016 15:04

Don't lower yourself.
Complete silence.
Block, ignore, delete
It's the best way and he will always wonder why....?

THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

AnyFucker · 07/12/2016 18:44

The way to get treated with respect is not to fall for the bull shit in the first place. Uncomfortable but true.

tipsytrifle · 07/12/2016 23:39

8 months really is too soon to be even talking about giving up the privacy and safety of your own home to a still largely unknown man, in my opinion. Nevertheless, he has been discovered living a very busy single life and had already backed off the idea of moving in with you. It's time to let him go. No confrontations are required, no further digging around in his life, just a dignified exit. Simple and clean. Are you up for that?

Goodythreeshoes · 07/12/2016 23:43

Keep your dignity. Do not give him the satisfaction of a confrontation. Radio silence from now on OP. You are worth way more than this loser.

Original poster

user1481045638 · 08/12/2016 00:31

Done !!! He's been blocked!!! Thank you everyone for your time and support. Sure its going to be hard - I'm going to focus on myself & heal !!! I was indeed 'love bombed' ! bastard x

OP posts:

tipsytrifle · 08/12/2016 00:49

Well done, OP! Be happy

user1480843266 · 08/12/2016 06:40

Agree, run, dodged a bullet!

user1480843266 · 08/12/2016 06:41

Well done Op, what a dick.

demonchilde · 09/12/2016 00:54

Well done OP! Don't be surprised if he tries to reel you back in, his ego won't like being ignored. But keep your resolve and stay strong. Anger will keep you from being tempted to get back in touch for a while, but it's easy to weaken after that goes and start doubting yourself again. Post back on here if that happens, so people can help you through it.

And focusing on yourself sounds like a good idea, otherwise it's so easy to fall back into old patterns and fall for more manipulative crap from people like him.

You're in a much better position now though as if anyone tries a similar tactic you'll be wise to it. Knowledge is everything when it comes to spotting manipulative or abusive men. Good luck OP

junebirthdaygirl · 09/12/2016 09:12

Well done on blocking him. I think in the future you need to take things much slower. Enjoy the nice parts but keep your own life going and don't even think of moving in with someone until well down the road. Until you have known his family, he has known yours until you know there is a future together. Mind yourself.

DizzyCatDance · 09/12/2016 16:35

Dv(

DizzyCatDance · 09/12/2016 16:36

Phone error ,ignore last post please

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