Husband has pretty much ignored me for 2 months...

[TheReferoo]

And I really don't know what to do.

There's a long back story including some emotional abuse on his part but in general I thought we had a pretty good relationship. Together nearly 20 yrs from a young age and now 3 young kids.

The ea is worse in times of stress and came to a head about 3 years ago following a big loss of someone close to him. At the time he said he'd get counselling but didn't but things got better.

However the on off low level criticism has affected me (still on going but not to same extent) and I know in recent months I've withdrawn emotionally somewhat but at a surface level things have been ok.

So to now. About 2 months ago he fell into one of his bad mood spells (walking on egg shells all round) which went on for about 3 weeks. Usually he snaps out of it fairly quickly so I just tried to manage it as best I could. But this culminated in a huge row where he said some awful things in front of the kids and since then he's been in the spare room and barely spoken to me.

We are civil in the day but every time I think he's softening and we can talk he's found something (in the main usually extremely petty) to get angry about. He's so angry with me all the time. My attempts to talk have been stonewalled. He doesn't want to talk, he thinks he's depressed (but won't get help) he's under stress with work and some decisions we've made (big and small) that he feels we're wrong. Yet he's totall normal and nice as anything with everyone. Just not me.

I veer between thinking is this the ultimate controlling act (because I lost it with him after the episode in front of the kids - which I rarely do), is he depressed and pushing the person closest to him away, am I just being an idiot because actually he wants out and hasn't got the guts to say it.

Unless he talks to me I am stuck. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to call time but I know he won't move out so I'd have to, uprooting the kids in the process. Part of me just wants him to open up and talk so we can figure a way through it. And I am not sure if I want to leave just to provoke a reaction.

My head is a mess - I am so down, I can't be myself around him, I don't know if it can ever be the same after he's done this. I don't know if he even wants it to be.

In my mind I give it to the new year. I guess I have to get through xmas. Am thinking I should maybe speak to his parents - I am close to them but don't really want to get them involved.

I just don't know what to do.

Aren't your kids better off uprooted and happy than living on eggshells?

Tell him it's over and you'd like him to leave. Talk to a solicitor. If he refuses to leave then go yourself with the kids - it will be his fault but in any case the important thing will be you will be able to start your life again.

In the end it's only a house. Far less important than the people inside it. Leaving before Christmas will leave him totally alone - exactly what he deserves if he treats people like shit.

Forget instagram. It's a nothing. It's a distraction in the scheme of what you're dealing with.

Is the house jointly owned? I kicked my ex out as I was scared of him and his abusive behaviour. Don't care if it was legal or not: I don't want him here and he is too tight to go down the legal channels to get back in. So he is staying with his parents. I get priority to stay here because I'm a SAHM to two DC under 3 and nowhere else to go.

Has your H got anywhere he can stay locally? Have you? I'd get legal advice but really, with 3 young DC you are presumably the main carer for, you want him to leave and not you. Also, if you do leave, being the abusive shit he is, if you leave he will probably sit on the house and refuse to sell it so you will end up spending loads trying to get him out. This isn't ideal as you want to sell asap and use the funds for you and the DC's new abuse free home

This isn't a life OP, you can do much better.

If he can be nice to colleagues etc thrn it isn't depression making him act like he does, it's a choice.

I wouldn't leave the home. You give up power over what happens to it next if you leave. I would only advise leaving if you or the dc were in physical danger. See a solicitor as a first step. Open a bank account in your sole name if you don't have one and start moving money into it. Quietly separate your finances from his.
Then when you are ready file for divorce. It may not be legal to turf the fucker out and change the locks while he is at work but I'd probably do it anyway. See what the legal advice is for getting him out, under the circumstances of him being abusive.

Agree with PP. Changing the locks on a joint property to exclude an abusive partner may not be legal but emotional abuse is not legal either and the latter will have a far more negative impact on the kids.