Phone passwords

[cuppateapls]

My boyfriends phone is password protected, and I have no idea what the code is. I absolutely hate it. He also won't give it me, accusing me of snooping and saying I should trust him.

I am curious of what other peoples relationships are like do you know your partners passwords etc?

'You trust or you don't, there is no love without trust'

That's bullshit!

I loved my DH well before I trusted him. I loved my ex even after he raped and cheated and wasn't worthy of my trust. I loved first, the trust had to catch up with that and was lucky my DH understood that.

I had an ex that would demand my phone once a month to 'check' I wasnt cheating. Fast forward to now, my phone stays on silent and if a new partner asked me what the password was it would be the end of that relationship before they even finished the sentence.

i think that he should not be so cagy

DP doesn't have the password to my phone and I wouldn't give it to him, nor would he ask for it. I wouldn't want him reading the text conversations I have with friends about their health/relationship/MH problems. Would be a massive betrayal of their trust in me. Nor do I want him reading the drivel I post on here

So my phone has my work email as part of that it enforces a complex password policy that changed and disables the notifications. Whilst I have nothing to hide I'd never give anyone my password as it's gross missconduct

I don't know DH, he doesn't know mine.

We've been married years and never known each other's passwords

Me and DP know each others pass codes and Passwords for most things. Although I've no desire to snoop.! My dp also has pin to bank

I don't think the fact you don't know his pin is as important as the fact he's turned off notifications... Is that a new thing? I may have missed that you said.
Changing your passcode alone isn't a red flag but combined with the notification thing, well, it's a little odd.

As a standalone issue, I don't think it's your right by any stretch to have his passcode and I was going to say YABU until I read on.

My DH set me up a finger print on his phone as soon as he got it so I can access it if I need say for google maps in car etc. I also know his passcode. He knows my passcode but doesn't have a finger print because he doesn't want one. It's not a thing I think needed to be done it just happened like that no pushing on either part. We never access each other's phone's to snoop though as don't feel the need.

i know my OH passcode and have thumbprints on both but only in case of emergency if i had to contact someone in her phone and she was unable to open it or vice versa
we did this after a near miss in a car worried me into thinking the worst could happen at anytime.

i have never needed to access her phone without her there and have never wanted to as there is nothing on there of interest to me as we trust each other.

that said my ex would never let anyone have access to phone or password and this used to make me think she was hiding stuff and bug me.

my OH offered me hers straight away and i refused it at first as just offering it was enough to make me feel i can trust her.

My phone has a passcode, as does my DPs. I'm not interested looking at his phones (personal and work) and he isn't interested in looking at mine. A lot of love and trust there.

With my exDP, he knew my phone passcode and all my account passwords. A few years into our relationship I had brief online EA which he found out after hacking into my email account. I was told to relinquish all my passcodes/words. I duly agreed as I had nothing to hide. He didn't offer me the same which was fine as I was the one who was in the wrong and I trusted him. He even GPSed my phone so he could trace my every movement. I would get phone calls from him demanding to know where I was - the GPS was off kilter and would show me at a train station when actually I was sat in my office at work.

Over the years, I had an inkling that he was up to something and with hindsight from the start of the relationship he was meeting up with exGFs which should have aroused suspicion but I trusted him. He left me, denying all knowledge of an OW but there was one. Perhaps I should have asked for his passcode/words? I would rather not. Every individual deserves some privacy. Now I would be really hesitant in giving my DP my passcode, not that I have anything to hide, but because the ex has instilled in me the fear of surveillance, not being my own person.

Me and DP have the same code. Answer each other's phone if busy etc. Use each other's phone. No secrecy, therefore no mystery.

I would imagine having no access and your DP making it so secretive would make you think there is something to hide.

So he got angry and defensive about his pin = fair enough.

He has notifications turned off when at home with you - not good.

He's very protective over his phone - not good.

I'd be suspicious too OP, he's hiding something.

Look at the situation I'm sure OP went to have a sneaky look because shes insecure, mentioned to OH that she couldnt access his phone, OH has a reasonable reason why but then OP kicks off wanting the code so she can check because her goats up, yeah I'd switch my notifications off 2 and keep it on silent.

Projecting OP? Got some 1 on the side?

Together 20 years. All phone codes, bank accounts, passwords etc shared. I have no secrets. And no privacy.

OP I believe there needs to be trust in a relationship and if someone wants privacy on their phone they have every right however as PP has pointed out DP has changed his behaviour, passcode and is being cagey. No notifications on the screen is a huge red flag to me. Sometimes it's best to trust your gut. Has he got form for being a cheat?