19 year old DD hasn't even had her first kiss?

[BowlTie]

Would this bother you?

But how lovely would it be if her first kiss is with the person she ends up marrying?fgrin

Did you mean for that to sound as sinister as it does?

If she has the sort of closed circle of friends social issues you allude to then it won't have come out of nowhere and you must have noticed her personality as she developed into the young adult that she is now.

Have you encouraged her to talk about why she feels she doesn't crave friendship etc when she brings the subject up?

She says she's happy with her own company... She says she likes being around family, but at college would rather eat alone, etc.

My DD19 is the same. She is very intelligent, goes out, is attractive, wears make up and nice clothes.

I do find it a bit odd but it doesn't worry me. I am really rather pleased she is so fussy

Fair play to her, it's easy to bow down to the pressure of kissing as many people as possible just to say she's done it. It's an extreme opposite but at nineteen I was pregnant. I don't regret a thing but I think she's definitely got her head screwed on right and isn't putting unnecessary speed bumps in her way, good on her!

If she's happy, I wouldn't interfere or say anything else about it.

I didn't have my first kiss until I was at uni (so 19 or 20). Never bothered me, to be honest. Lost my virginity at 24 to a guy I was in a LTR with. Am now married (not to the same person). I suppose I've always been quite slow in relationships, but I definitely prefer it that way.

I think it would worry me a little tbh, depending on if it was her choice or not. More from the social aspect, has she been going to parties/clubs/social occasions to meet boys? It would worry me she was missing out on those things as that's where you tend to meet people and maybe lacking in friends.
As long as she is happy that is what's important. If she is genuinely fine by herself that's great! But she could just be saying that to cover the fact that she doesnt have many friends.
Some people are late developers and some people just aren't really interested in kissing and that's totally fine.

I think it is fine .... but I didn't kiss anyone until I was 22. I just was not interested, had both girls and boys as mates and was really happy with myself just didn't choose to go down that route.

If she is happy and happy with it I think it is complete fine.

I have just seen your recent post. I think the lack of friends would worry me more than not kissing anyone tbh.

Do you think she chooses to isolate herself to protect herself from something? DD was bullied and still does that at times to some degree, sort of pushes people away by reading a book alone to protect herself in case someone doesn't want to befriend her or include her.

At home she is confident and gregarious, in other situations quite the opposite at times.

No, she definitely just prefers her own company. She is invited to lots of parties, etc. but says she'd rather not go. I think that's just her.

Good on her for having the inner confidence to do what she wants, rather than force herself to social events she won't enjoy.

My husband's school friend went all the way through school, University and was studying for his PhD without ever having had a romantic relationship. One summer he went hill-walking with a male friend and they bumped into a couple of Australian girls on the top of a mountain. It was love at first sight with one of the girls and they married and had children. Pretty fabulous to have no upsets or dramas in your relationships before you find the right person (if you ever do!).

I'd be delighted (and probably congratulate myself!) that I'd raised a daughter who didn't need to be validated by a boy / man by being kisses by a stated age.

I was a bit slow with all these things as well. I had plenty of friends and great social life just couldn't figure out dating as a teenager:) It did bother, because all my friends were ahem more experienced. Having said that, I don't know how my mother could have helped me with boys. I'm not very helpful, sorry

I was 19 before i had my first kiss. And i wish i'd waited longer as he wasn't exactly a prince.

DD (10yo) on the other hand is obsessed with her boyfriend and is always talking about kissing him. I'd much rather her been late like me (although I'm glad she isn't shy like me)

My daughter is similar too yours, in that she is happy alone and prefers not even to go out with people from work - she doesn't like social occasions at all.

She is very beautiful - everyone comments on it, but at 30 has never had a relationship. She seems content, but I do worry that she is missing out on the social side of life. She is Asperger's, so does have social difficulties.

I don't think I had my first kiss until I was 16/17. I made up for it after though

I wouldn't worry. Sure it's just a matter of time. If the biggest issue you have with her is her not having kissed someone, I really think you should pat yourself on the back

Good on her. On looking back I resent the continual subtleties that blighted my life that suggested I wasn't completely fulfilled if I didn't have boyfriend/fiance/husband/kids (insert word at appropriate perceived normal age). I'd have led a different life if I hadn't conformed.
Leave her be. If she's happy then great. You are only fuelling your own stereotyped worries by projecting them onto her.

I had my first kiss at 16 (and many more drunken snogs thereafter - how I avoided cold sores is a minor miracle) but didn't lose my virginity until I was 23 or 24. It bothered me a bit because I thought it must mean I was hideously unattractive. I wasn't though. Just a bit old for my years, a bit uptight, and not a person who opened up easily.

There's nothing wrong with waiting, just so long as she's happy - I'd say as a mum your job is to bolster her self confidence and make sure she knows there's no deadline on these things.

She is still very young, and maybe shy. Better that than pregnant at 15 by some idiot. Let her be, she will be fine, speaking as someone who didn't have a boyfriend until 21, but did have lots of gay guys as friends! I was shy around straight men, for some reason, but worked and had a laugh with gay guys, maybe I felt safe with them. Honestly I wouldn't worry, she will click with someone, when the time is right.

I wouldn't worry unduly unless she herself seems unhappy about it. Some people are late developers, and some just aren't interested in kissing/sleeping with lots of people. I'd agree with other posters that you should ensure she's self confident and happy in herself.

I wouldn't worry in the slightest. I was a very late starter but my brother was very, erm, active from a very young age! We were brought up the same, we're just different people. I was shy and picky, but soon got into my stride when I was ready! My DM never commented on it and I hugely appreciated that, especially as I know she had a lot of boyfriends when she was younger.

Oh, leave her alone. She's an introvert; introverts don't need to be fixed. You'd be serving her better if you made it clear to her that not craving lots of friends and a busy social life is perfectly ok - the fact that she has asked for your reassurance on this is telling.

Why are some people so obsessed with the social side of everything.. We hear this socialisation word from when they're babies. As long as she is content then that's all that matters.. If she isn't then I would try and help her, but it sounds like just the way she is. There are many people in this life who don't need mates or social outings and have long suffered being forced or dragged out to places. I went out a lot but that's because I loved it.

I would worry but only because she sounds like me and I used to think I was a bit weird and felt embarrassed. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 17 and didnt sleep with anyone for a couple more years. I was way behind my friends but happy now with a husband and kids and I guess it doesn't matter now.

DD (10yo) on the other hand is obsessed with her boyfriend and is always talking about kissing him. I'd much rather her been late like me (although I'm glad she isn't shy like me)

Please tell me this is a typo and she isn't really 10yo.

As for marrying first boyfriend, it can work out and I am living proof. Motoring towards Ruby Wedding now.