As regulars on this board can attest, I am not an alarmist but, having read your earlier post of 15 November, I am compelled to express my serious concern for your safety, OP.
Your abusive and controlling not yet an ex h is deranged; there is no other term for a man who behaves as he has done, and continues to do, and I am now wholly convinced that he is most definitely the equivalent of a ticking bomb which may detonate at any time.
PLEASE get back to Women's Aid as a matter of urgency. Although, given the ages of your male dc, the 3 of you cannot be given a refuge placement, they can help you to be safe in other ways such as advocating for the police install a panic button and, if required, other security measures in your home, and flag up your phone number(s) so that any calls from you are given priority.
WA can also recommend solicitors who have specific expertise in domestic abuse cases. It goes without saying that you are in dire need of a non-mol to keep him away from you and your home, and it may be that the police report of the incident when he destroyed your personal property in the street for all to see will serve to make you eligible for legal aid in divorce proceedings.
Your earlier post makes horrifying reading and it beggars belief that you are running his household as well as your own because you "know he will flip" if you say no.
FGS STOP ENABLING THIS MAN AND START DETACHING FROM HIM. If he threatens suicide again don't chase him round the woods because he's got a rope or sit watching while a friend prises his mouth open to remove pills he has no intention of swallowing; call the police and let them deal with him as they see fit.
It's clear that 25 years of his abusive and controlling ways have beaten you down but, although you may be scared shitless of standing him up to him, you now need to take back the power you have ceded to him by resolving that enough is enough and you are not going to lie down and roll over for him again.
It may help to provide the necessary motivation for the worm to turn you to become proactive if you view it as being the very least you can do to address some of the harm that has been done to your dc by being raised in the toxic environment of your dysfunctional marriage.
May I ask you to please refrain from starting another thread on the subject of your h as responders are disadvantaged when they're not in possession of all the available information on which to base their opinions and OPs, such as yourself, benefit from having dedicated threads on which to measure their progress and garner a team of supporters who are on hand 24/7 to provide encouragement as well as sound advice.
What is the current state of play with your youngest dc?