Grooming my elderly neighbour?

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I can't disclose too many details and please direct me to another board if appropriate. I am looking for advice and where I can turn for advice and help.

My frail neighbour is in her 90's, I have been her friend and neighbour for 25 years. She has no blood relatives, but has her god daughter, and they have a 'mother/daughter' relationship.

A short few years ago a man and his DW turned up out of the blue. He was the long lost DS of their late friend. At the time, this caused me a raised eyebrow because I'd never heard mention of this man in 20 odd years and suddenly they were staying in her house for a week or so at a time. This man had also disclosed he had been in prison, but the reasons were very odd and land related, which I'd have thought were more civil rather than criminal.

I have spoke with her GD today and we have shared our concerns about them, not in the least that they drove over 200 miles to turn up unannounced late on evening. Who'd do that? There are lots more very strange explanations and claims they have made, but I don't want to disclose further.

Help! Does anyone know if there is anything we can do to safeguard this lovely lady?

I think you can express concerns and you should, but you will need to do it very carefully, so as not to block her in to a position.

Ask questions but only one or two max per visit, and without any accusation.

Has so-and-so been? Is he somebody you trust?

Then leave it.

Next time: Has so-and-so been? Does he have financial security?

Then nothing.

The point is never to get drawn in, just nod/mumble whatever the response. You want to get her thinking about it.

Ohhhthatsme not here atm and she's currently being cared for at gd, but they may well just turn up again, unannounced out of the blue.

Lola111 yes that's our problem, combined with she too polite/kind/lovely making her vulnerable

Our fears are his ulterior motive, but I can easily speak with her about how she feels with them just turning up and expecting to stay with her. I'm sure she'd be quite open with me about feeling 'it's too much' having them to stay - which imo I think she probably would, but it's where to turn if she does say this. She won't to turn them away, she wouldn't want us to do it for her - it'd be more than my pleasure to kick the fucker out. Arghhhh it's heartbreaking, like watching a car crash. I could weep

Why are you saying arghhh when you've been given on here a number of key things you can do. Eg call the police on 101, get their advice. Call SS, get their advice, call Age Concern, get their advice. You'll get the proper advice at all three places. I have no idea why you're dragging your feet, wringing your hands and arghhhing.

If you're tempted to hesitate, just remember She has disclosed that he has 'read through' documents . Holy FUCK.

Everything about their behaviour clearly suggests they are vultures circling around an old lady with no dependants, waiting for her to croak.

Call Social services they should have an adult safeguarding panel who will have access to a police representative. They may be able to contact the probation service to check this mans details etc. It is more likely if the facts are presented to your neighbour then she might be more able to make an informed decision that she (hopefully) doesn't want him there. They will also be able to install a panic button if he should arrive late etc again if she chooses not to see him. She is lucky to have you and her GD

springydaffs, I'm saying argggh as an expression of how I feel - it frustrating to say the least. I will explore every available avenue - trust me on that, that is why I have asked for opinions and advice. It's also reassuring that outside perspective think the same as we do, and it's not us over thinking things.

I have already decided the next time I see the car I'm going round and to visit her. Quite frankly I don't give a fuck and I will happily let him know what I think of him, but will that stop someone who is a scumfuck with an ulterior motive? I doubt it but hopefully he'll realise she's not alone even when she's at home on her own.

Personally OP I wouldn't do that you may put her or yourself at more risk. That's why pp are suggesting contacting social services as they have access to other information that you don't. Unfortunately people see social care as a such a negative service when they can be hugely supportive. They shouldn't act to take your neighbours independence away but empower her to continue to live independently but safely. They can give her more information and the chance to say she is worried about the situation without her feeling burdening you or her GD with the responsibility of fixing it.

Clearly something is amiss here. Surely the thing to do is to actually try & stop her being taken advantage of?

She could feel pressured into changing her will or giving away cash now.

On a much smaller scale this happened to a great aunt and she just wanted my mum to put a stop to it. It took some doing but eventually it did.

As a starting point can you & gd talk to her together & then can gd take bank books etc to hers for safekeeping?

Poa is no good if they take her to a lawyer who redrafts her will & she signs it.

More importantly she doesn't seem to want them in her home so you need to help her achieve this.

If asking them to stay away & make arrangements in advance to visit only isn't enough then she needs to have an agreed course of action if they do turn up i.e. Ring someone who will come over & eject them or not open the door/ answer the door.

I'm a lawyer but really struggling to see how ss would help. A solicitors letter & threat of injunction to keep away might tho. And all can be done quickly. I would also talk to local police as they might help with this too.

Poor lady. She clearly wants and needs your help and fundamentally they are preying on the vulnerable so are unlikely to put up a fight if you make it difficult/they can see it will be difficult.

You hand it over to the big guys op. They have the (extensive) experience re is not the first time they will have encountered a situation like this.

This is way out of your, our, league ; hence drafting in the experts who can advise you and GD on the best course of action with your neighbour. And of course, unlike us, have the clout to step in if necessary.

This is worrying and very real. I've no advice.

Is the couples parents alive?

You can probably work out his crime using google. Google his name, his town, the word court case initially. I would be particularly worried if it's a financial crime or theft.

I would go round and challenge them. ask them why they keep turning up unannounced and why they have read through her documents. Why don't they stay in a b&b when visiting,

It's also worth her rechecking her documents and then moving them somewhere secure. Putting them under luck and key. An old ammunition box locked.

Has she tried just not opening her door? Could she pretend to be in bed when they arrive - maybe she could phone you and you could move them on. Say you know she's asleep (went to bed early) as she phoned you beforehand. And no they mustn't disturb her but there's a b&b down the road. What a shame they didn't arrange things beforehand. Bad luck.

Yes but do get ss involved. Age concern. The police might help work out his history?

You could probably get a tin ammunition box off gum tree. Add a massive lock. Use it as a bed side table in her room.

Thank goodness she has you and her god daughter looks out for her. Who does inherit her house etc? If it's the god daughter then I think concerns coming from you will be better received as you have nothing financial to gain (from ousting these charlatans)

I think you should do something but I'm not sure what really - others seem to have more knowledge though so listen to them.

In the meantime, have you searched the couple on social media?

Why would they have sought your neighbour out after so many years? I can't say I've ever had the urge to track down my mothers friends, even ones I've known since childhood.

Thank you all for your replies. Cucumber5 , they travel over 200 miles and approx a 5 hour journey to make an unannounced visit so going round and asking is not an option until they are actually visiting. I personally have no problem with this confrontation, but I am extremely mindful not to cause her any distress and if they brushed me off they would probably still stay there and I am leaving her alone with these people.

I think in practical terms all documents should be removed and placed with GD and I'm going to contact her to suggest this.

I am unsure who would inherit they for sure Fabulously, but my assumption as her closet 'relative', the GD would as they have been like mother and daughter since she was very little and they have always been their family.

I would tread cautiously with these people. I can very well see them trying to turn your lovely friend against you if you cross them. They could accuse you of having a financial motivation and try and isolate her.

This is potentially an adult protection issue and needs to be reported to social work. They may be able to get the police to do a background check on them. There may be other strategies that can be explored and you do really need to get this investigated before they rip her off financially or something.

It does need to be reported to both Social Services and the Police. I would also call Action on Elder Abuse for their advice too - their helpline number is 080 8808 8141.

It could well be that her documents have been amended and just as likely are no longer in her possession.

I'd echo the advice to report to SS. Something similar happened with an elderly relative of mine - a con-man wormed his way into her life, moved in etc. He had a criminal record too, but charmed her by offering to help around the house. When she died it turned out she'd left him a substantial sum of money, and we weren't able to overturn the will. These people prey on the vulnerable and isolated - it sounds like your neighbour has people looking out for her, but getting SS involved will be good too.

I would put money on them already having got her to sign a will or Power of Attorney.

You can actually check the latter by sending a request to the Office of the Public Guardian and you'll get confirmation of whether there is an LPA but not what it says.

And yes to contacting Social Services with safeguarding concerns about a vulnerable adult - mention that the chap has previous convictions and imposes himself on your neighbour, uninvited, for extended periods.

Something along the same lines, but involving a sibling & a lawyer was uncovered by a close family friend against her 93yr old aunt. She involved SS & The office of public Guardianship. When the procedure of adult protection unfolded, all sorts of skullduggery surfaced. Even gaining POA through dishonest means aided & abetted by the Solicitor.

After nearly a year the aunt is safe & free from the dishonest POA placec upon her. The Fraud squad were involved thro' SS. It really was stomach churning at how cold & calculated some people can be in pursuing anothers' assets.

At the least, I urge you to contact SS & advise the god daughter to contact The Office of Public Guardianship.

I should have also added that SS took the family friend's concerns seriously, & this empowered her to see it through on her vulnerable aunt's behalf. SS were on the ball re adult protection. I was impressed actually. It takes a lot to impress me these days.

You shall, that is very positive to know. I will try and speak with GD.