New partner issues with my kids

[peebee1981]

ive been in a committed relationship for 7 months after leaving my nasty ex wife who I have two kids with(6 and 8). My new partner doesn't have any kids. My new partner is really having issues about my past. She says she is jealous when I see the kids and has openly said she wishes I didn't have them. I've got an access plan so we get lots of time together. The ex has been nasty about my new partner which hasn't helped. The new partner wants marriage, kids etc with me and seems really into me. When my kids are mentioned it gets her down. She has met them a few times and was great. Is this something that will get better in time when she spends more time with them ? Is there something I can do to get her over this?

She's not good enough for your children OP. I would never tolerate or even consider dating someone who didn't understand that my kids are part of the package with me.

I know it's hard when you like her but you must walk away. Otherwise I guarantee she will never be happy, your kids will be damaged by her and therefore you will never ever be able to be happy.

Ummm kick her to the curb.

First of all, you shouldn't be referring to the mother of your children as "nasty". That's only adding fuel to the fire.

Second of all, your children are the first priority. If this woman gets jealous over them, says she wishes you didn't have them, and shows no interest in them whatsoever, that's a huge red flag. Absolutely not on in a relationship.

It's a package deal when you have kids. Either the partner accepts you AND the children, or they get left in the dust as you move on.

I don't understand how you can be in a relationship with someone who would rather your kids weren't around.

They are your priority. Anyone that doesn't get that should not be with you. You need to end it.

Seven months is no time at all and she's already finding fault with you. You've got children, she can't change that but she's trying to make you feel bad about it all the same.

How does she feel about your other family members, your friends, how you like your tea or the colour of your towels?

I couldn't be friends with anyone who said that about my children, never mind to out with them.

How very difficult for you.

I'm a stepmum in a past similar position, and I can't stress how important it is she feels your children are an extension of you.

If she doesn't feel this she'll have trouble bonding with them and accepting them as part of her immediate family.
If you marry they will become her children as much as ones born to you both.

She sounds as though she doesn't grasp the enormity of the situation. She seems to be doing what she thinks is enough without realising it takes a 'mother' to welcome children.

Do you have them staying frequently? Does she get time with them on her own to bond? Does she appreciate that she's not just getting you, she's getting a ready made family? These are things I feel she's not grasped.

In her head maybe she's viewing your relationship with her as separate from your relationship with the children.
It's not the same start to a relationship when children are in the mix. It's very different as you have precious cargo to protect. She's not ever going to get what she would have had from a man without children. If she expects this she's in the wrong place.

It's early days yet. What is important is that these children feel that your home is their home too. That you have their best interests at heart. That they are loved and welcomed. Not with presents, but with time. These are their formative years.

Your children are so young, which is a good thing as you have time to get this right. It also means they are vulnerable too.
I wish you well. You may have some tough conversations ahead.