Is all counselling like this?

[littleredpear]

DH's behaviour last year with an OW nearly destroyed me. We have stayed together. It's been a long year and I was still uncovering lies in September.

He attends counselling, we attend counselling.

However in our counselling sessions I'm not allowed to get angry or try to question his behaviour. It's all about making things work, focusing on happiness etc. I'm not yet ready for one second to let my feelings go. It seems such a waste of time.

He's now refusing to answer any of my questions about the whole thing after his sessions. Instead focusing on making himself happy and us working again as a couple is what he's being told.

I did nothing wrong but here I sit with this pile of shit in my thoughts and I'm not seemingly allowed to speak of his behaviour ever again.

Is this normal? Should I change counsellor? Why can't I be angry and upset?

There are several different counselling approaches that work very well, what's consistently shown to be more important though is the therapeutic relationship and it doesn't sound as though this is working for you. Although, it's not the counsellors fault you're mad at your husband it's his.

He is sorry, he says it all the time. He has done everything he can to prove he has no contact with her. No online accounts, new phone number etc.

I have researched today and I can get phone counselling through my employee health thing.

Going to give them a call tomorrow x

OP, did you know you can access online, free one-to-one counselling via NHS these days? A friend told me she has it and there's no or very short waiting lists because so few people are aware of it. (In England, not sure about other parts of UK, or if you're even in UK.)
That counselling would focus on your own unhappiness as it sounds as though it's escalating with you being unable even to take pride and joy in your promotion. (Did your OH try and celebrate this with you? Flowers? Bottle of wine? telling DC how clever you are etc? is he making a massive effort to rebuild bridges now?)

There are good counsellors amazing counsellors and truly crap ones - I've used several really good ones over the course of my life. One is a fantastic sex / relationship counsellor who put me back together when my partner had issues with sex - I'm much stronger now I don't recognise myself pm me if you want her details she will Skype you otherwise she's in Doncaster.

Hi parsley details would be great x

Leave him. He's not sorry. He's sorry he was caught.

For what it's worth I'm really glad I stayed because through her I worked through my own stuff and confronted a lot of pain. Everyone had an opinion my bf was a sex addict and it was hard core to confront but I gained so much for myself working on myself if I had left I would never have had that knowledge, that now I'm much more my own person. Where you are reminds me of Katie Price sort of loosely don't take it the wrong way please, I mean Kieron was unfaithful she got through it but it's obvious there's a lot of residual pain there which surfaces intermittently because she hasn't dealt with it atall- the best thing Trudy said to me was take the sex out of it it's not what's it about, I couldn't see that at the time but years on I can see what she meant.i wish you luck, strength, courage and happiness x

Thanks Parsley, you too.

I don't mind the comparison. I look at my mum 14 years on and she can't even speak about my dad who left her.

I can't be that as a person, it's too hard.