Ex screamed at me like a banshee!

[MidnightBreeze1]

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant & myself & father of the baby have split (ask me why and il have to divert you to him! I've no idea!!)

I've cried most part of today & left work early because I couldn't keep it together enough!

So finally giving in, I went to his house, sat his mum & sister down & told them that no matter what happens between me & him that I'd still like them to be a part of the baby's life!

So to try and show I can be amicable I decided to go & speak to the ex to tell him the same that I'd like him to be a part of his life also.......well! Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next!

He started shouting at me that he didn't want to be with me :/ I tried to explain that that wasn't what I was there for, I was there to try to be amicable for our baby's sake, again he screamed at me because he doesn't want to be with me....by this point im confused and wondering if he's on drugs & then came the next part!

Out of nowhere, he starts screaming like a banshee.....screaming for his mum and saying ow in between (is guessing to insulate I'm hitting him?)

Then gets his phone out to call the police, so I stop him and all of a sudden he grabs me and throws me against the door & tells me to move! Then again, starts screaming for help!

Oh! And the funniest part?? He got his phone out, filmed me whilst I was probably 3 arms length away from him screaming and saying I was hitting him!! All whilst filming which proved I wasn't!

Eventually his mum and sister came up, he left, all the while I had a panic attack as I couldn't quite understand what had just happened!

I actually think I need therapy!!

What if this whole thing is written off because they think we are both as bad as each other??

I'm going from a previous relationship with turned volatile....she went to the police & had a harassment order against me & when I finally proved to the police officer it wasn't me but indeed her.....his words were....well I think you are both as bad as each other & dropped it all!

It puts me off pursuing anything in fear of either not being believed or ex making it out to be me!

You got out. That's brilliant, many, many women don't make it that far.

But if you are seriously considering handing over a defenceless baby to this guy then you haven't come out of this unscathed.

Look at the last two sentences of your post at 21:24: you're basically saying 'I think this guy will hurt my baby, but that's OK because I'll then knock shit out of him and end up in prison.' Which, by the way, wouldn't really do your baby any good, would it?

I suspect you'll come back and say 'I didn't really mean it like that' and I believe that you don't, but there is an incredibly fucked up dynamic going on with him AND with you and your dad actually. You really do need some support to get your head straight before the baby arrives.

Please make an appointment with your midwife this week and see what's available to you - there are sometimes express counselling services available to pg women.

I guess stupidly a part of me still sees some potential good that he'll actually turn out to be the greatest dad to my baby.....however I agree with all of you....I can't take any chances or risks!
I will contact my midwife and go from there, hopefully the police will call tomorrow so I can get some more advice from them too.
Right now I know for certain he will not contact me....basically I know 100% between now & April I won't hear an absolute peep out of him....it's come April 14th that's when he'll pop up!
I'd like to think he'll turn into his dad & not bother however that's not a definite.
He did tell me that if I didn't bother to tell him I'd had the baby, then he'd simply sit & wait for the baby to turn up at his door years later....vest case scenario!

Arrange to go to the police station...

Well done for logging it.

It is important to do this for your DC.....

Do not go near or contact any of his family again. You are legally entitled to maintenance once baby is born.. Your choice if you decide to do that or not. Focus on getting up a support system for yourself it sounds like you have very little

Midnight I don't want to frighten you but every time I read this thread I think of those stories you read of partners or ex partners losing it with babies & shaking them & the poor little mite ending up brain damaged or worse.... This guy has a short fuse & no regard to the fact you're pregnant when he's mistreating you. The baby isn't even born & he's told you he has no problem using violence on him/her. That actually makes my blood run cold.
Don't worry about people not believing you or being dismissive, tell the truth, all of it, even the bits that don't paint you in the best light, were all human, but you two are adults, that baby needs one protective responsible parent & that is going to have to be you my dear.

I agree with all of you.

The police are on their way to take a statement....I just don't want to do anything to rash which will cause a tidelwave of shit....the stress has set my IBS off & im currently spending most days in pain & on the toilet....yes I'd love to see him carted off to the police station & effectively warned away from me....however once he's been arrested I know he'll cause hell for me!
I can't risk losing my baby! I'd rather wait & see if he does indeed contact me.
If he doesn't until April when the baby is here & he takes me to court, then il ensure the courts are more than aware of this incident & ensure he only has supervised access with the baby....if he even bothers.

So police have literally just left.....man and a woman, were so so nice and not judgmental in the slightest!
Asked about his behaviour from start to finish if the relationship...have noted absolutely everything down.
They don't want to contact him right now and potentially add fuel to the fire or make him feel he is justified in kicking off....so said they will file this so should anything else happen they will already have it and know what he's like.
Neither copper like him, they turned round and their words were "so basically he's a massive dick!"
Also asked if I thought there may be something mentally wrong with him.
I advised that although I'm not scared of him and not particularly bothered if he did indeed turn up, I am now pregnant and have to put this baby first so advised that I was using this chance to protect the baby when he's here.....they did advise that should I feel uncomfortable having him around the baby when he's here....to apply for a care order? Which apparently will mean he will have absolutely no access. However he said I could also, ensure he only gets supervised access in a contact centre.

All in all, police were extremely nice and caring....noted it all down and will now file it on their system.

Absolutely shattered after the last two days so am off to sleep! Have my 20 week scan today!

Thank you for all of your advice! I'm so glad I took it and called the police now....I feel I am actually protecting my baby for when he arrives xxxxx

You are ! You're being a mother
Well done, you've done so well. You must be exhausted.
I hope everything went well at your scan, such a precious time and that dick and his behaviour are overshadowing it.
I hope you have some sort of real life support and someone to share these precious moments with.

Never ever doubt that you have done the right thing. Whenever you hear of things happening to children to you , where are the mothers?? Why did nobody protect that baby?
Remember bad behaviour tends to escalate.

Leave that deadwood behind, look to the future and being the best mum you can be. Go no contact with him, even if he tries to get in touch, you can't go back from this, he is not partner material and defo ain't dad material. You'll find someone to cherish you and your baby x

I'm so glad they were supportive for you.
Good luck today with the scan.

Im worried you're not taking this seriously. LIke it's a joke 'because you're not scared of him'

Yet you have active IBS, panic attacks etc. He's a frightening bloke - you may not 'feel' frightened of him but he's frightening nonetheless.

I'm not surprised you've gone for such a 'dick' (aka abusive arsehole) with your father as a role model

Do get in touch with Womens Aid as soon as.

yy you need to protect your baby but you also need to protect you

It does sadden me that because of his selfish behaviour, he has overshadowed the first part of my pregnancy.....to the point where I've questioned if I ever want to do this again....the pregnancy is absolutely perfect! It's simply him, the stress he has caused me along the way.

The police said that although it was a nice gesture, to cut his family off as he lives with them and they feel it may keep the situation at the forefront of everyone's mind so to cut them out and if I decide to contact them when the baby is here, then I can.

However for now I'm making it about me and baby xxxxx

Then gets his phone out to call the police, so I stop him

Was it self defense on his part?

There was nothing for it to be self defence, if anything he got in my face and I pushed him away.

ask me why and il have to divert you to him! I've no idea!!

Things have a habit of becoming clearer the more time you invest

If the police felt pushing him away after getting in my face was assault then in pretty sure they wouldn't have left without me!

If anyone gets in my face & backs into a wall whether it's classed as assault or not, I will push them back with my hand.

Fact is, if anyone reads this & feels sorry for him then I've no choice but to believe they feel everything he's done is right & in no way wrong.

Personally I couldn't care less....he thinks he is in the right & I will leave him to believe that as I now want nothing to do with him....it's about me & the baby now, I couldn't care less what he now does with his life!