Ex screamed at me like a banshee!

[MidnightBreeze1]

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant & myself & father of the baby have split (ask me why and il have to divert you to him! I've no idea!!)

I've cried most part of today & left work early because I couldn't keep it together enough!

So finally giving in, I went to his house, sat his mum & sister down & told them that no matter what happens between me & him that I'd still like them to be a part of the baby's life!

So to try and show I can be amicable I decided to go & speak to the ex to tell him the same that I'd like him to be a part of his life also.......well! Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next!

He started shouting at me that he didn't want to be with me :/ I tried to explain that that wasn't what I was there for, I was there to try to be amicable for our baby's sake, again he screamed at me because he doesn't want to be with me....by this point im confused and wondering if he's on drugs & then came the next part!

Out of nowhere, he starts screaming like a banshee.....screaming for his mum and saying ow in between (is guessing to insulate I'm hitting him?)

Then gets his phone out to call the police, so I stop him and all of a sudden he grabs me and throws me against the door & tells me to move! Then again, starts screaming for help!

Oh! And the funniest part?? He got his phone out, filmed me whilst I was probably 3 arms length away from him screaming and saying I was hitting him!! All whilst filming which proved I wasn't!

Eventually his mum and sister came up, he left, all the while I had a panic attack as I couldn't quite understand what had just happened!

I actually think I need therapy!!

You need to make a paper trail. You need to be seen to be doing everything to keep your child safe, and that includes reporting his behaviour to the police.

I am sorry but you really are not taking this seriously enough. It doesn't matter how strong you are - when court gives him unsupervised access to your baby you will regret not reporting him today.

I agree, I'm assuming you don't have kids already, when that baby comes, you're all its got. He sounds like a whacko, who knows what he could do just to hurt you. Start protecting your baby now by getting all this documented, it's no use saying it all when on court for access. It's an awful situation for you to be in but you and your baby will be fine, you should actually thank your lucky stars he ended the relationship, just start planning to protect your baby now.

Just to add, you definitely don't want your baby left alone with this guy, he slapped you cos you caught his eye when you were playing about ? Babies test the most patient and calm people, please ensure your baby is never left with this guy.

Please please report to the police if only for your baby's sake. Men like him make life hell for their ex's and their children. Without police reports and a paper trail he will get unsupervised access to your child and then what? I made the mistake of not reporting because I was scared of what he would do and scared he'd twist it all. He now has unsupervised access (yes I brought it up in court but no evidence so not listened to) and I have damaged children as a result. Please protect yourself!

Hey all,

Glad I posted this now as I have now filed a police report.
I am currently waiting for a police officer to call me to discuss the incident.
I haven't heard anything from the ex however I don't think I will.

It's logged now so I've something in writing on the polices system.

Waiting to hear back from the police, I will also contact my midwife to ask that they remove his details and also a domestic violence organisation

Well done - you really need a paper trail.

Have you had any support from Womens Aid since your split?
They can help you with a good counsellor and you can also enrol to do their Freedom Programme which will really help you.

I haven't ever heard of women's aid before.
Il look them up now.

Well done, I genuinely know it's not an easy step to take but you have to do this to protect the baby.
1 of 2 things will happen
He'll fuck off not to be seen again
Or
He'll use the baby to control and manipulate you.
You need to prevent that happening. This is your chance, he's given you a golden opportunity.
Imagine he has contact, babies scratch and head butt all the time. Sometimes accidentally, sometimes out of frustration. How would he react to that?

Good, well done.

Your midwife may ask what will feel like intrusive questions, please don't be defensive or worried about that - just explain everything as you've done on here. She has a duty of care to you but also to the baby so will be very through.

Well this has been an issue for a while as he has a dog and I know pets and people aren't the same however, his dog is extremely docile and loving and absolutely adores attention....now his dog came up to him once got a cuddle and he went absolutely mad with him, told him he didn't call the shots for attention that indeed my ex did! The dog ran off and hid, I asked him how he'd react in the morning after he's just got ready for work and the baby put his dirty hand in his work shirt, would he slap him for it??
He's also admitted that he would use slapping and hitting as a form of bringing the child up to learn not to do things.....that for me was the final straw, how can you teach a child to be a good person and not use violence when you use violence in their childhood??

I personally hope he leaves me alone and doesn't bother coming to find me in 5 months time as I don't want him anywhere near my child

You can call them initially on 0808 2000 247
Or have a look at their website.
Abused women often need some sort of help and support after coming out of abusive relationships.
They can help you with all of that.
Local support services and if your Ex starts to really play up they can help you with restraining orders etc.....

Glad you've reported and realised its needed

You need to write all this down and make sure it's recorded either by the police or the midwife. Unfortunately just hoping he'll leave you and the baby alone doesn't always work, you need evidence to put before the court (although of course I do hope it doesn't come to that).

I sincerely hope one day his dog bites him on the arse though.

Well done, OP! So proud if you.

When you speak with the police (and I hope it's the specialist DV unit, because not all of the general force gave bern trained in DC issues), make sure you don't minimise. If possible (and this is perfectly ok!) have a list of things to talk about: incidents, how it made you feel, etc. Do NOT feel like you're overburdening them. The biggest risk most women have at this stage is underreporting.

Hope you've had a good ol'trawl on the Women's Aid website. Look in particular at the wheel of abuse.

Stay strong.

I've had a look, however I'm waiting for the police to ring me to advise me however I will say that I'd prefer them to just keep it on file & wait to see if he contacts me again rather than them contacting him & adding fuel to the fire.

I'm not worried he will turn up at my house as I live with uncle & dad who are well aware of the situation & have agreed to ensure he leaves if he does indeed turn up.

It will probably be a few days before the police call me as they said it would do if all being well, by that point I should be able to say we haven't spoke since Monday!

So glad you made a report. How did it go today?

They turned up at my house whilst I was at work, called me and left a voicemail....I called back as the office asked in the voicemail however they asked for my availability which I said I'd be home all evening.
Don't know what to do, I live in my dads house and he's here in the front room....I haven't told him what's happened and I'm not going to as he'll play it down in front of the police and end up making me look like the bad guy! Issue is.....he's stuck up for my ex so many times! He actually hasn't seen nothing yet thinks my ex is the good guy!
If the police turn up here and he sees them, he'll throw us all out.

Your dad will through you out the house if you involve the police?

Really?

You'd be surprised the relationship I have with my dad....when me & x split just after I found out I was pregnant....he told me I should pay my x back the £2.5k he paid off my debt as I'd just look like I used him!

Because my dad has only heard us have 1 argument, he doesn't understand at all!
I think he likes my ex more than me!

Go to the police station and speak there.

You really must let them arrest him, contact women's aid and look to take a non molestation order. You need to act quickly as you can only take a non molestation within a short period after the event. Yes you feel like you are rocking the boat, but his actions have proved however nice, calm and reasonable you are - he's a fucking aggressive, abusive individual. Your behaviour will not change him.

He may go awol, he may not be on the birth certificate, you may calmly get on with life. Then one day, he will meet a girlfriend and sit crying over his pint how his evil ex stopped contact. New girl will encourage hard done to daddy to contact child and 'go through the court to get his rights'. Loser daddy will act on this to prove he isn't a crap dad. Court, without evidence, will give access to dad EOW and 1 x pw minimum.

You now wonder if your lovely child will witness him beating his dog and girlfriend. You also worry will he slap your child for wanting a cuddle, wetting the bed or not saying thank you.

He has attacked you whilst pregnant - get him arrested and a non molestation if possible. Get evidence he is abusive. Hurting an animal is a red flag for the police. Don't pass up this opportunity - tell the police everything. Access via contact centre only.

www.ncdv.org.uk/are-you-suffering-domestic-abuse/how-the-law-can-protect-you/

I hope everything works out well for you. Protect the both of you.

I know it sounds stupid bit a part of me thinks that it's not really abuse because I'm not scared of him.

For example if he turned up at my door now....at no point would I ring the police because I was scared....I'd do it simply because he doesn't do as asked & wouldn't leave!

When he slapped me, I just cried in shock & left his & told him he'd regret it.

When he grabbed my leg in a malicious way....I shouted at him & then cried and had a panic attack

When he grabbed me last night....I didn't back off, I fought back.

I guess what I'm saying is I didn't ever cower.....I stood my ground & I fought back whether that was with words or in protest & walking out.....I also think that because I went back after the above & the hurtful words like "fat fucking tramp"

"Fucking tramp"

"Take that baby & find someone else to raise him because I'm not interested"

"I don't want to see you or the baby ever again"

& also when he's intentionally start an argument & then when I'd argue back he'd act like he didn't do anything wrong & sit patronising me asking why I'm so angry!

It can't really be abuse or domestic if yes he ruined my confidence & yes I would try and ignore some things he said simply because I couldn't cope with the arguments anymore....however I still backed myself up....I didn't ever feel threatened for me....now I simply worry about baby having unsupervised visits as I don't know what I'd do if he came home telling me daddy hit him for wetting the bed.

Well I do actually! I'd be put in prison because I'd give daddy what fucking for!

But your child will be terrified of him, you need to protect your child.

A baby can't fight back.