struggling single mum 😕 verses facebook

[CakeLover0]

Is deleting facebook the answer. I try not to compare myself to others. I question if subconsciously I do and it's because of facebook. Is it making things worse for me.

Delete! I did...you won't miss it!x

I found all the Christmas stuff difficult so came off it for a couple of weeks.

Firstly yes you can delete ex...He is your ex for a reason.

You can hide anyone's post you particualry don't want to see...Or also delete..

why don't you stop clicking on it see how you feel.

I also think you need to understand FB is not real life.. Most don't write DH is sat on sofa snoring is his pants.
Done nothing today couldn't be bothered.

Parents evenings are often not as they are.. The mum from our school who shouts the loudest about how proud she is of her DS at parents evening is the mum of the child my DS comes home and tells me is always in trouble..

It is not a reflection of real life...

However I find skimming through the same as reading MN, sometmes interesting sometimes not, sometimes I comment sometimes not.. My RL friends not acquaintances know what is going on in my life not those on FB.

If it is not making you happy though change it

I hide anybody who does that 'show case my wonderful life' shit.

I don't know. I have a couple of friends who don't do FB and I do find myself forgetting to invite them to things and losing contact. If you're struggling to have enough friends in your life in not sure deleting it would help. But your can unfollow people (they won't know you've done this) and definitely unfollow your ex. If you don't post a lot yourself then people won't necessarily expect you to have seen their posts.

I deleted for a while a few years ago (also a single Mum) as found it was depressing me. Didn't really miss it and got loads more done! Went back on after 6 months as I was missing seeing photos of my real friends and family, but I've unfollowed a number of people so don't see so much of the irritating stuff. Give it a go!

Do what feels right for you. You can always activate again if you decide you miss it.

I'm also a single mum with a very small social life. I spend no more than 5 minutes a day on Facebook. I only really use it to post the occasional update and store some photos. I don't look at what other people are doing very often, but if someone is having a better time than me it doesn't bother me at all. If you decide you can't leave completely, you could use it in a similar way. I don't have a smart phone so the internet is not with me most of the day.

Facebook probably isn't the root of the problem. Treat yourself kindly and find things that make you happy. When you are feeling better you won't mind if the whole world is having a party.

I was on it but seeing endless scan pictures and babies nearly drove me insane while experiencing loss and infertility. Stopped it about 5 years ago and have never looked back. Only small problem is missing things from school and nursery so I have wondered whether I can go back on it but use it minimally and avoid all the 'LOOK AT MY PERFECT LIFE!!!!! LOOK!!!!! SEE!!!!!" shite.

i like mumsnet better, (not that Iam on facebook) but you can pick and choose which threads and there tends not to be ooo look at my lovely house/nightout posts.

Cake I've been Facebook free for over a month. I love it. First few days were hard I was really addicted! I'm becoming addicted to Mumsnet now instead, but feel a lot better for not being on Facebook!

I realised I had to step back when I was valuing my self worth on how many likes a photo received. Now I go on there a couple of times a week and skim read, never post, I'm much happier for it.

Facebook is only the medium, not the message. It is whatever you want it to be. You can delete, curate, and tailor what you see. Decide what you want from Facebook (and this could be a 24 hour rolling feed of dogs licking their owners) then delete, limit or ignore everything else.

I deleted my Facebook recently because everything on there was making me angry. Literally everything.
3 of my over 200 'friends' have messaged to ask if I'm OK. If I ever reactivate my account I'll be deleting 90% of the people on there.

Thankyou everyone
I think it definitely is how you use it but I feel that it's something that isn't doing me any good right now. I have always appreciated what I have and not what I don't have. My job as a nurse shows me suffering every day. Then I feel angry for letting facebook make me feel lonely.
So I had a good think, read all of these comments and decided to deactivate.
This morning I feel strangely lost and worry I have isolated myself even more. As sad as it sounds the small amount of communication or 'likes' I had were my only validation that I had 'friends'.
Christmas would of felt more lonely and I shouldn't be feeling that way with 3 beautiful children. I'm hoping deactivating this will bring me satisfaction in the long run! Also finally stop stalking the ex and move on from him.
Thankyou all again

Wow it's not surprising so many have problems. Me and my friends just use it for the equivalent of sharing funnies (like used to happen by email) and area events, plus the groups set up for my hobby. There's not much about personal lives at all.

I do think the key is only having actual friends on it and how you use it. I've only got 60 friends and don't 'follow' them all if they are of the type who don't use Facebook as I don't but I can't delete them.

For me it was like a form of self harm, every time I'd check it I would feel shitter and shitter.

God that's depressingly accurate Elf it was a way of punishing myself at times.

When I used to actively use Facebook I just told the bloody truth! I never posted fake lovey dovey crap because it's not particularly interesting or entertaining. My FB is full of other peoples dinners, passive aggressive messages and memes. Some people are just like me and the rest is just unreadable shite. I can understand you getting pulled into it, it can be all consuming - if you let it. But I can honestly say you will not miss it once you stop using it!

It's so so so strange. I feel like I have nobody to answer to now. I know it's only been a day but I feel certain that me and facebook are done! I do think it's alot to do with 'I'm falling apart' and need to seriously gather some strength from within. So when I have, I will see how I feel.

I think you'll find it liberating and you can use the extra time to treat yourself; read a book, do your nails, have a bath or come on Mumsnet .

I have hidden almost everybody and I log on now and see posts from the other pages i've liked, Mind Body Green, The Mind, Mind Journal, Elephant Journal, BBC.

So I use it in my own way and because I've hidden so many randomers, if a friend posts something I'm more likely to see it I think. I can be messaged as well of course.

Happy for you guys that it works for
Not only was is it getting me down, I was turning in to a stalker. It's like I needed to punish myself my looking at the ex loving life. Oh god! See!
I most definitely will be using my time trying to find the happy me again. Thankyou

I hate Face Ache and rarely look on it.
I feel sorry for all the little kids who can't be spontaneous and natural and just live their lives without mummy or someone sticking a camera in their face. Is mummy genuinely pleased that baby has taken first steps? No mummy's wishing she'd dressed baby in a better outfit 'cos click, cluck, baby's first steps must be snapped for FB.

And I really object to all these soppy posts like, 'If you have a son you love click like and share'. Sod off, my son knows I love him because I'm here for him in RL, he doesn't need me to share a soppy poem to know that. So patronising.

Even worse is the 'click like if you love someone who died of cancer' type stuff. Fuck off. Lost best friend through that, why on earth would I minimise her loss by clicking on a picture of a sunset? Are people so shallow that they really find this comforting?

I think people play 'my life is better than yours' games, and that tells you, simply because they need to stop their perfect lives to tell you how much happier they are, that really they're not happy at all.

I came off FB in August and don't miss it at all. It felt, as others have said liberating. No keeping in contact with 'friends' I was never going to meet ever. No feelings of obligation to respond to something. I thought I'd miss it. But I didn't. I keep in touch with people by text, phone, whatsapp. Also just got rid of Instagram. Found myself going down the rabbit hole comparing myself to others. As in comparing my insides to other people's outsides. The longer away I am
from
FB, the stranger it seems. I question the whole premise, the 'likes', the interacting in a virtual reality. I don't feel any need to tell anyone what I'm doing, who with or where.

You can always deactivate and go back to it if you want!

TV actually makes me far worse than Facebook. At least on Facebook there are normal people with normal problems and boring lives. On TV most people are rich and having a great time, or at least pretend to be.

I've just watched a TV show about what Britain earns and it's completely pissed me off to know that after years of studying, gaining a degree and 3 diplomas followed by more than 20 years of hard work have resulting in me earning less than half the national average. And women still earn a huge amount less than men. I think I'll stick to social media from now on.