ExH and DS's weekends together - I've created a fucking monster

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

We are separated and have been for 16 months. Ex lives with a family member and sleeps on their front room floor. He says he cannot afford to find a place of his own. I have suggested shared accommodation, a granny annex, living with his girlfriend (none of my business, I know, but I am at my wit's end). But he is in financial mess and cannot get his own place, he says.

To make things easier for me, I have let Ex stay at mine when it is his weekend with our son. On the whole we sort of work okay together, however, Ex is unpredictable in his moods and he has caused real upset sometimes for me by doing things like opening my post, taking stuff he thought was his but was mine, looking at my computer history etc.

DS sometimes goes to stay at his dad's. It used to happen more so in the early days of our separation than now.On the whole DS does not like going to stay at his aunt's but he will every now and then.

It works fine if I am seeing someone and I am not going to be home, (I had been for a while) but I want time alone at home without DS sometimes. Ex says that he cannot accommodate our son at his sister's or he has to ask her first - which i accept. Surely that is not my problem, though? If it is his weekend to have DS then the accommodation problems are his not mine! Especially after 16 fucking months!

His stuff is all still at the house (tenancy agreement is now in my name so the house is mine, though he lived here previously) and I want him to stop staying at mine when he has our son and to take all his stuff. If I stop it, he will not have our son overnight - or at least will not have him overnight regularly. He says he cannot take his stuff because he has nowhere to keep it.

I don't want to have to scuttle off to stay with a friend when he is here! I want to enjoy my time alone in my house without my son once every now and then.

So: I have to bite the bullet and tell Ex he cannot stay here anymore and if he wants DS overnight he has to make a plan of some sort. Right?

Help, please What do I do?

Your DS is 12 he surely has a mobile phone so it is easy for them to maintain contact if they want to.

Just tell your ex "no more" and tell your DS why - that he is nasty and controlling and bullying towards you.

Of course he could make other arrangements for contact.

But why would he ?

Right now it's a dream set-up for abusers and bullies. He gets to throw you out of your own home, frighten you if you are there , go through all of your private affairs and generally piss all over your territory (probably literally as well as metaphorically), keep his crap at yours so you are constantly reminded of him, use your food and services, and reduce maintenance payments so that you are paying twice over.

Of course he won't give up any of this of his own accord. It's carte blanche for him to continue to control and belittle you. You need to be strong and tell him that it ends, and be prepared to call the police if he becomes threatening.