He spat in my face.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess]

Yeah, I know, I absolutely need to resolve our very fucked up contact arrangements, but tonight, my ex spat in my face in front of DS. I feel really humiliated and ashamed. We have been separated since May but I think this is the wake up call to change things. I don't want to have to see him any longer. I thought I was doing the decent thing with the 'open door' policy but this has been a bit of a shock. He literally leaned forward and then said "You deserve it". He cheated on me. I really don't know how to process this. I absolutely know I don't deserve it, but WTF?

From a socia worker's pov - if this came to out attention we would give you advice to arrange contact handovers through a neutral party to avoid your son witnessing any further emotional abuse of you.

Good OP. It's not your fault.

Well done OP. It's important for two reasons- it's a crime and is dangerous as it can transmit infection as well as being really gross and humiliating. Also, it is evidence that would contribute to future custody arrangements. And now on record.

poldark. Yes, think this is the only way forward at the mo. Feel a bit of a failure for not handling it better, but right now, we need a solution where contact can be maintained with the least detriment to DS. Am really grateful for all your responses; never thought I'd be a 101 caller!

Well done Jess. I hope you're ok love .

Well done you are definitely doing the right thing, for you and your DS

Honestly, thanks for all the posts - I thought I might be being a bit dramatic in calling 101 but they've been fab, and would absolutely urge anyone in similar circumstances to do the same. Thanks, guys, will keep you posted X

The important thing to remember is that police officers are just people too. No one likes getting spat at and they will empathise with you.

Good luck and well done and you are doing the right thing.

No, you are not a failure, he is.

It definitely is a criminal offence. Report it

How are you today OP?

Have spoken to the police this morning and have had it recorded. I didn't want to take any further action but am glad it's been logged as it can be shared with other agencies if necessary (hopefully it won't come to that). I also have to fill in a green book with 40 odd questions.

I really appreciate all the advice and kind words. Feeling quite relieved right now.

Hope you're ok-ish this morning.

It's really really not your job to manage him, to minimize his vileness and to make everything alright by just taking it.

But when we live with a person like this, we end up believing it is our responsibility to smooth it all over.

Now you've taken that massive step to break up with him, it's time to slowly start shedding the way you had to behave around him, and start building up your defenses again for you & DS.

Which means NOT taking it, and showing him he cannot treat you so badly without some kind of consequence.

It's really hard to switch modes and you are doing so well to even think about standing up for yourself. It's SO hard to change the dynamic of a relationship that you had to adopt to get by Dont be hard on yourself, you're going step by step in the right direction, which is moving away from him.

It's important to stand up for yourself and that's why it was necessary to call the police. You had witnesses as well so he can't deny it.

Will they speak to him about it?

I can tell you, that the Police class this as assault (I have 5 years experience in this field)

Well done OP! You don't want your child thinking it's acceptable nor would you want them to accept it. You certainly done the hard bit, now work our a contact schedule & minimise any contact with the ex.

He is a disgusting piece of shit OP.

I work in the health service and sadly this happens a lot. Patients are often very shocked when they are followed up with a police visit regarding their assault.

What are you going to put in place to ensure you never have to face him again?