He spat in my face.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess]

Yeah, I know, I absolutely need to resolve our very fucked up contact arrangements, but tonight, my ex spat in my face in front of DS. I feel really humiliated and ashamed. We have been separated since May but I think this is the wake up call to change things. I don't want to have to see him any longer. I thought I was doing the decent thing with the 'open door' policy but this has been a bit of a shock. He literally leaned forward and then said "You deserve it". He cheated on me. I really don't know how to process this. I absolutely know I don't deserve it, but WTF?

The police would take it very seriously

Yes deliberate spitting on someone's face is an offence & the police will take it seriously. Good you have a witness too.

You could call the police and ask to speak to a DV person and say this has happened and you want their advice. This is absolutely counted as emotional abuse of a child though, there's no question of that. It was a calculated attempt to demean and control you.

If you plan to try and change co tact arrangements so you don't have to see him, you have no idea if his behaviour could escalate, so it might be an idea to take advise from the police about what you should do next. Was he controlling when you were together?

Op - what does ex think you did to 'deserve it'?

I'm a family solicitor, and if you were my client I would be pleadingvwith you to report this. You have a witness, do you have any idea how rare that is? This is your chance to get a proper record of his disgusting behaviour, and get contact put on a footing that keeps you and your son safe.

Take it, for your poor child's sake. Psychiatrists have researched the impact of witnessing inter-parental abuse on children, and it's not pretty. Take your chance to stop it, right now.

Jess - yes the police will take this seriously. It is still classed as assault. Please call them. You did not deserve this and he needs to know this is not acceptable behaviour

Oh Jess, I can't add to the wise words of the PP but I am so sorry and please do report it. 💐

Where is your ds now? Was he being picked up or dropped off when the incident took place?

You absolutely can report this (if you want to of course) as it is classed is assault as far as I know. For context, my DH had a racial slur shouted at him, and the police are taking it very seriously - requesting cctv, interviewing witnesses at shops near where it happened etc. Spitting in someone's face is more serious than that, so unless your local police force is rubbish you can report it to them and they will take it seriously.

On a non legal note, can you arrange things so you don't have to see him again? Can anyone else do drop offs/pick ups/handovers for you? You must feel so shaken up, he sounds like a nasty piece of work, so protect yourself from him physically and emotionally as much as you can

My son attacked me in June and I had to call the police, I didnt press charges but the police kept asking me if I want to as he spat in my face, they said its a serious matter and even tho i didnt have a witness they said just spitting alone was enough to arrest him.
Even if your ex just gets a caution he might be more civil to you as you really dont have to put up with that.

I don't usually reply on these threads as I'm lucky enough to be in a very happy marriage but I did have a horrible abusive relationship with my ex (father of my grown up eldest). Emotional and physical abuse and I put up with a lot. Kicks between the legs, a punch in the face, and pulled across a room by my hair wasn't enough to push me over the edge. It was the one and only time he spat in my face. Like you OP, it was humiliating and degrading. That was my turning point.

Be strong and remember that moment if you ever feel yourself weakening.

Just did a quick Google, and yep, it's a crime

www.spitkit.co.uk/when-is-spitting-an-offence/

"Spitting at someone could be investigated either as an assault or a public order offence. Both of these offences are recorded as crimes by the police (The Home Office Counting Rules.) The police would investigate these types of crimes."

DS is with me and I've asked ex to leave, so we're both ok. Don't think casual contact is working any more. Bit depressed. Also, policemen scare me a bit - so official.

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Yes, the police will take this seriously - it is physical assault. And even if they don't charge him, he will know you are prepared to take action when he behaves like this AND, crucially, there will be a record of the complaint in case you need it in future (if he harasses you). I would be refusing to allow contact unless he sent someone else I knew and trusted to collect and drop off my child. I know it is nothing to do with his relationship with his child but you cannot be expected to put up with being treated like this.

Please do call the police.

You need to report this OP. Even if you don't press charges. This is very serious. And even worse that your son saw it.
What happens if your ex gets worse? Violent towards you/your son/someone else. At least if there is a report there is a trail

Op, if it's any help, the police who have been helping DH have been very kind, very understanding and have never made us feel like we're wasting their time - quite the opposite actually. I know it must be so much to take in, and I can totally understand your hesitation. Be extra kind to yourself. Maybe do a small dance to celebrate being free of his fuckwittery when you feel ready

Oh Jess . You don't deserve this, love. Report him, get it logged at least. I have a very similar experience to Purple (no children with ex, thank goodness). However, I did have to take out a restraining order against ex. All the logged evidence made it much easier.

And I disagree that it has nothing to do with the relationship with your DS. He showed so little respect or consideration for his DS that he would do this to his sons mum? I bet your son (if old enough) is very upset and confused

Stand up for yourself. Show your ds that actions have consequences and show your ex that he isn't in charge of you. Police aren't scary. They're ordinary people

what would you do if someone spat in your son's face in public?

Definitely police.

Apart from anything else, if the neighbour were to report it, or your ds mention it in school, you could find it's regarded as a safeguarding matter - not to scare you, but it'll be much better if you are the one to report it.

You were assaulted in front of your child you must put a stop to otherwise it will get worse. You need to protect your child.

I really appreciate all your advice. I did phone 101 and they are giving me a call back in the morning. He has never been physically violent before, but has form for being emotionally abusive. Lady I spoke to was great, I was worried I was being silly but she emphasised the seriousness of what he's done . Really appreciate all your posts, bless you all.

You're doing the right thing. You really are.

As previous posters have said your son might mention it to a teacher or a friend (who then mentions it to a teacher) or your neighbour might report it. From a social services point of view they will be looking for some pro activeness about this.

Well done