Examples of minor laziness that do my swede in. AIBU to feel resentful?

[HappenstanceMarmite]

Some examples of DP's habits that, at best, irritate me. But on a bad day make me lose my shit:

Leaving rubbish on the kitchen sides instead of putting in the bin.

Leaving a floordrobe right next to the laundry basket. And/or stacking it on top of said laundry basket meaning I cannot put my laundry in there without knocking it all off back onto the floor. This would be clothing he might wear again (jeans etc) but he can't be bothered to put away or elsewhere.

Not doing as I've asked after each of us have a shower i.e. Using a blade over the shower glass and spraying with shower spray, which cuts down on the cleaning time later as limescale does not build up.

Putting teaspoons in the sink after making tea/coffee rather than in the dishwasher which, again, is right next to the sink

Other examples I could mention and most of them along those lines. I have asked many times for him to tidy after himself but it ends up with him getting angry almost immediately it is raised. So I tend to pick my battles with this issue let it fester until we have a row about something and it all spews out in a massive rant

Am I just being a nag bag? Or is he taking the piss? In his defence he works longer hours than me (most of the time) so I accept doing the lion's share all of the housework. What really sticks in my craw is him leaving things for me to do, under the banner of "I would have done it later in my own time" bullshit he would

Should I be more tolerant? I lived alone for over ten years so maybe I'm just set in my ways. He is a devoted partner who shows affection and love all the time, so am I being unreasonable letting this get to me? Prepared to be told I am and that this is what comprise in a relationship is all about. Been living together 3years BTW.

Oh yeah, so much washing is rammed into my washing machine that it's STILL DRY IN THE MIDDLE when I empty it, and do the same wash again, split into three different loads !!! (Although just bought a large drum machine lol)

What would happen if you just ignored his messes for a while? Knocked his laundry on the floor, there were no teaspoons available for tea-making etc? Stop nagging, stop clearing up after him. He'll get the message eventually.

My dp is sodding useless. He doesn't mean to drive me mental but good god he does. This morning, after having a night shift with no sleep and a friend standing me up, I finally came home to the cat litter tray being full of poop and stinking, a mountain of washing up and his sodding family here ready for a lunch that he had promised them.

I went nuclear. He got rid of his family and by the time I got out the shower he had done the washing up and put a hot water bottle inside my pj's.

DO good for you!!! I think that would push me over the edge too!!

You work full time yet you do all the housework because your work is more flexible What? I don't understand. What has work flexibility got to do with housework? He isn't expecting you to do his share of the housework for him when you are supposed to be working from home is he?

And anyway, loading the dishwasher when the other one has been unusually lazy one time is not a big deal worthy of a shouty phone call.

But hey if that's the way he thinks is the right way to handle such situations, go for it, let rip at him, phone him at work and shout about him taking the piss being too lazy to put his fucking teaspoon in the dishwasher. Every single fucking time.

OP, I think your DP and my DP may well be closely related. Exactly the same here. My current pet hate:
Leaves teabag on the side of the sink instead of putting it straight into the compost caddy, which is beside the sink. Just why?

I think pp has it: he does it because there are no consequences. The fairies clear up after him. Then suddenly you go ballistic for "no reason".

It's mega infuriating when someone does something lazy that actually takes exactly as much effort as doing the full job - eg putting the laundry in the wrong drawer or moving a coat from one dump to another rather than the peg. That's what feels like a kick in the teeth.

I hate people leaving teaspoons in the sink. I have a 'thing' that the teaspoon rests on during the day for all my many cups of tea and then it goes in the dishwasher. If you're visiting and you make a cup of tea then either put it on the 'thing' or in the sodding dishwasher. Don't leave it in the sink where I won't use it again and I'm not going to manually wash it because I'll still need to put the dishwasher on for the rest! (As you can see, this winds me up!!)

Worst one for me (and this will sound soo irrational) is finishing a loo roll and leaving it on the back of the toilet.

Its not just Dh that does it, it is the step-children also. No amount of 'encouraging' is changing it and it really gives me the rage.

We also have a floordrobe, though I am guilty of that sometimes too if I am honest.

Could be worse, he could leave the used teabags on the draining board.....

My DP frequently says he 'forgot' or 'didn't notice' whatever needs done.

Oh yes, at times it seems its only me who notices stuff that needs done. Even if its right infront of him. To be fair he does do a fair bit of housework..so its not like its all left to me, and I am sure I have habits that annoy him but MY GOD. If the bin is full, instead of squashing everything in more and thus chancing a rotton shite tsunami when you pull the bag out...just empty the thing.

The worst word in my house is 'later'. Which I always get if I feel the need to point out something stupid instead of just doing it myself. Later in the past has meant anything from an hours time to a week later when he says 'I went to do X and it was already done'...and I had done it days before. I am having a standoff with him at the moment about ironing/putting stuff away. It has been 2 months since he said he would sort out a washing bag of his stuff and iron it. I could easily do it, but it defeats the point. Annoyingly it doesn't seem to be bothering him at all though, so I may crack soon...

There are no consequences for my OH a he actually admits he doesn't care if the house is dirty.
He is tidy, though.definitely a tin liner upper!
His sole contribution to housework is taking the recycling and bins out once a week, and will load the dishwasher, but only if the dishes etc are left out on the side .
He does his own laundry (but crams two loads in one) but even if he offered i wouldn't let him touch mine as he insists everything can go in the drier.
Once when my friend came round he decided to show how domesticated he was, swept the kitchen floor, then asked me where I'd hidden the dustpan and brush...
"It's where it always is, Mr Cherrytree".
Which stumped him as he'd never used it, and caused a bit of a hissing row

There was a certain poster (Gingernaut) whose dad had a word for this: cuntish.

Have to say that I am with your DH on the shower issue: I would be really irritated if I couldn´t have a shower without my DH nagging me to start spraying and squeegeeing it every time (even though I know some people do do this). It gets a thorough clean once a week with e-cloths and that is plenty.

I definitely agree with this. However, I do require a quick spray down (with the shower, not cleaning products) if any pubes or hair or anything are left in the bath. Thats not too much to ask

Are the people using this thread as an opportunity to have a jolly old chat about their hilariously useless DPs not bothering to read the OP's posts properly?

Good reading comprehension and insight from RunRabbit, at least...

My dh is exactly the same!he always leaves dishes on the side,puts clothes he can wear again in laundry basket,leaves the kitchen cupboards open after he gets things out

His other favourite thing is asking me where something is when he knows full well where it is,as he just wants me to pass it to him.

I'm the untidy one and prefer to we've in one go rather than little bits constantly.

DP used to insist I do things just so so has ended up doing them himself unless his way was actually better obviously. He also went through a phase when he expected me to x,y,z whilst dealing with DS but then didn't get round to doing them when it was his turn. He had the cheek to ask if I keep a tally when confronted and I said I'll start as I'm definitely right! Funny enough, he doesn't do it anymore.

Happenstance, I think there is something more going on between you than just the cleaning. His outburst over the dw seems not the words of a kind affectionate person at all. That and claiming you are nagging him goes beyond just different styles of housekeeping, he seems to be trying to antagonise you in some way but then blaming you for your reaction. If he cannot even sit down with you and have a rational conversation about how you both feel about the housework and whose job is what, and how you can compromise he is NOT a nice person, especially if he is making you feel you are in the wrong all the time. Which is why you feel confused and are asking us what we all think. It is a form of emotional abuse. Which goes beyond the pettiness of asking someone to clean down the shower, which in my mind is unnecessary.

So you are right to be concerned. But give him the chance, one last time to discuss how you both change the atmosphere, offer to scale back your demands - ask him if he feels happier in a messy house (some people do, surprisingly) communicate. And if he cannot, you have your answer.

Mine does nothing at all in terms of housework but the things that annoy me the most are
Leaving dirty washing on the floor in front of the empty washing machine.
Never emptying a bin, just cramming more in.
Never refilling tea and sugar cannisters, he's the only one living here who uses those items.
Leaving his dinner plate at the table or on the floor, never moving it to the kitchen, let alone putting in the dishwasher.

God YADNBU! Well if you are, then I am too. I noticed today that he has dumped a new roll of kitchen roll on the side rather than put it on the holder, that is right next to where he has dumped it. He literally couldn't be bothered to take the handle off the holder to put the roll on. If I don't do it, he never will.

I've tested him before with baskets of washing. I have an illness and have struggled in the past to lift anything big or heavy. Basket downstairs. Will sit and sit and sit on the kitchen floor. After 5 days I get pissed off and struggle off with it only for him to say "I was going to do that/I would have done that" well 5 fucking days later and you still haven't so I'm bored of waiting now. I shouldn't have to ask for every little thing. Stuff on the stairs, he will walk right past.

It's like it with everything in this house. If I don't constantly put stuff away, he never will and DCs can also be like it too but they are 5 and 8 so have more of an excuse. Then when I get annoyed at the constant stream of crap everywhere, he declares he was going to put it away later. Except he wasn't and if I didn't say anything or do it, he never would which has been shown when I have been ill and the house ends up a shit tip and I have to tidy everything. Bin gets left until you are literally pushing the whole lot down to squeeze more in, receipts, letters and all bits of crap get put all over the kitchen sides. It took 8 months for him to put a kitchen roll holder on the wall after we had the kitchen done and that was me asking a lot when he was going to do it. Kitchen was done 18 months ago and only last weekend he put the broken bit of wood on the door frame, now waiting for him to paint it. And the grey filler he put on the ceiling and not bothered to paint.

If I didn't change the beds and towels, he never would. Washing would be left until people had run out of clothes. The house would get polished and vacuumed every 6 weeks probably, if that. I can't push the vacuum on the carpet upstairs so he has to do it. If I ask him to do it one weekend an he did it the weekend before, he moans and says it was done last weekend! DCs would never visit the dentist. To get their repeat prescription you had to phone a message service and say their name and medicine and it is ready 2 days later. He tells me it needs ordering rather than pick up the sodding phone himself and do it. He does DCs showers most of the time (well youngest, oldest can do his own) and every time he huffs when I say it's shower night (we have set nights, they don't change from week to week, yes children do need washing, yes he needs reminding every single time). I do the showers after their swimming lessons but if I didn't remind him to do it a couple of day's later, they wouldn't actually get showered.

It pisses me right off and it's just so fucking lazy.

I want to thank you all for your contributions. I am veering from thinking I AM being unreasonable (e.g. the shower thing. I will not raise that one again), to taking heed of PP suggesting it is totally unreasonable, bordering on abusive.

OK, that dishwasher phone call was unpleasant of him. So that suggests to me he's not just an unobservant type, more that he thinks all this is your job and is quite cynically leaving it to you and prepared to get nasty. Really think seriously about whether you need to take more drastic action.

The shower thing is absolutely not unreasonable if you live in a hard water area. I lived in soft water areas all my young life, then visited a couple of places with very, very hard water, where the hosts were quite rude about me not thinking to use the squeegee after showering. Then I moved to one of those places, and Jesus Christ does everything go white fast if you don't... so don't take advice on that from people who have no idea what it can be like.

All this show that boys need to learn to pick up and be helpful at home from their parents. Their future girlfriend/boyfriends/spouse will thank you.
My ex did this sort of thing. Every dish was left on the counter.