WWYD?: upcoming 50th and DH

[DestinyofDisaster]

I'll try not to ramble and your advice would be much appreciated :-)

Ok, so it's my 50th in approximately 4 weeks and I have a horrible feeling that DH is going to let me down again. I'm not expecting or indeed wanting a big do, DH knows I'm not really in to all that.

However, we've been together for almost 30 years and he knows in all of that time I've always wanted to visit London and go to the theatre. I had assumed that's what he had planned for my 40th as we had discussed it many times and although he never actually said that was what we were doing, I wrongly presumed. We did in fact have McDonald's watching the xfactor :-| (yes, I was a bit pissed off about it)

So, I'm guessing you've realised my DH isn't very romantic and he can be a bit unthoughtful.

We've joked about it over the years, although he's still aware it's something I want to do and friends of ours have had playful digs at him and told him he better have something nice planned for my 50th. But, I don't think he has and it's actually getting to me. I'd be seriously miffed if he thinks McDonald's and the xfactor will do it for me this time.

I know it probably sounds ridiculous in the grand scale of things but WWYD, should I ask if there's anything planned or just wait and see? I think I might actually LTB if he hasn't planned anything special.

[ravenmum]

When I was still with my ex, I wanted to arrange a party - the first ever party just for me - to mark the 20 years I'd lived in this country. We often had parties with our neighbours so I asked them. On the day, we raised our glasses and someone said "To Raven's Ex! Happy belated birthday!". He'd told all the neighbours the party was celebrating his birthday, which was a few days before my birthday, and a couple of months previously. When I asked why he didn't mention my 20 years, he said he didn't realise it was important to me. I felt like I was being needy expecting him to even remember that much. But I wasn't being needy. It was him not spending a single moment's thought on me. He also invited a work colleague to the party, who I later discovered was an ex-OW.

So I get what you mean about wanting to feel like someone is thinking about you. And in some ways I get why you haven't just gone to London - since my ex left I've done more things I wanted to. It's like I was frozen in inaction before, waiting for him to join in and organise stuff or just show some enthusiasm for what I did.

Looking back I should have been more pro-active, and actually had higher expectations and made them clearer to everyone. My ex still would have been a shit but at least the neighbours might have raised their glasses to me...

[80sWaistcoat]

Reading this again - it's not really about your birthday is it? 'Last straw' was a bit of a clue.

Do you need to repost in Relationships ... it doesn't sound like you are entirely happy with a life where you don't go out and a trip to London is almost too much to imagine.

[Kidnapped]

"My BF knows what DH is like and has said that she and I should celebrate my 50th together and leave DH sat at home on his iPad".

Do this. Have a laugh in London with your friend.

And organise something with your adult children. Meal out or something on a different day?

If your husband doesn't want to be involved then okay. But don't hang around all your life waiting for him to get his act together.

It is your life - you can do all sorts of things, alone or with friends and your children. Book a holiday. Go for it.

[ChinUpChestOut]

Do. Not. Wait. Any. Longer.

Here are your Action Points:

1. Ask DH directly "Have you organised theatre tickets and a hotel for my 50th?". If he answers "yes" go and have a and . If he mumbles an "errrrr, umm," then tell him you'll take care of it and is to do nothing further. (that implies he was still doing research etc - I assume you want to give him the benefit of the doubt ).
   So if "errr, umm":
   2)Get on the internet and book 2 tickets and a hotel for you + 1.
   
2. Ask DH if he genuinely wants to go with you. Not a hassle if he doesn't, but if it's not his thing then he needs to speak up now. If he says "yes I want to come", go and have a and another . If "umm, err, well, err" then phone your friend and invite her instead.
   
3. Then have another and a as you have, by now, earned it.

[Lostandlonely1979]

Destiny I hope this isn't out of line but it does sound to me like you're almost hoping that he'll f**k up and that'll give you reason to finally throw your hands up in despair and leave. Except you probably won't, because you'll talk yourself out of leaving over something so innocuous.

I'd plan something that he can easily be lifted out of if necessary and spend a bit of time trying to identify whether you're actually happy in this marriage.

A happy marriage is two people playing to their strengths and loving, supporting and encouraging each other. We can't all be amazing at everything and it sounds like his strengths don't lie in planning. But I don't think that's really what you're upset about.

[Nanny0gg]

Go with your friend.

You'll have a much better time.