What to do with a Man Eater

[Lolaandstan]

If a Woman is flirting with yr husband what would you do? Any experiences? what happened?

Some women indeed do target men in the most predatory way.

If this was a man, flirting with you Lola how would you deal with it?

I'm guessing you wouldn't want your DP going around to sort the cad out in a duel.

No need for hateful names..

Tell DP she's coming on a bit strong, best not encourage her.
If he withdraws from the chatting you have a wonderful DP who cares how you feel.
If he continues it then you know what his interest is and can act accordingly.

You can't really have a relationship where you have to worry every time an external person can flirt etc. That's why people are saying you have a DP issue.

(Also flirting on Facebook isn't really man eating, turning up to family bbq with a trench coat and suspenders fair enough, reading intent into Facebook is the route to madness)

Its hard to face the fact he cannot see my point of veiw. He's a v stubborn man and has never appologised apart from once in 11 years.. anyway will see whap happens now. Thank u.

He's only apologised once in 11 years? That in itself speaks volumes as does his over the top reaction to being asked not to comment on her posts.

How would he feel if you were doing the same thing? Not suggesting you do, just would he just be fine with it?

OP - your husband's reaction is telling.

It is a classic over reaction.

Oh I won't talk to ANYONE EVER - is disproportionately defensive.

I'd hazard a guess he was enjoying the flirting and feels guilty and cross that you've called him on it.

^^ absolutely this x 1000.

Either he feels caught out and a bit stupid, or you've ruined his fun. But he was feeding it and he knows it.

Don't let him make you feel bad Op. if he brings up the subject again, put him in your position and to ask him how he'd feel. The extreme reaction is ridiculous. He sounds like a petulant child. But ok, he never speaks to anyone ever. Just say "ok, if that's what YOU want. I just wanted a little more respect on a public forum, but if YOU feel that way then YOU have made that decision".

Don't let him push guilt onto you.

Or ignore his sulking until he grows up.

My stbxh never apologised and used to wait for me to cave in to keep the peace. My patience ran out eventually.

Is there any flirting really going on? 'xxx' at the end of a post can just be a writing style, and commenting on a photo isn't necessarily flirting. Your husband's reaction could generally be that he feels you don't trust him.

I have lots of friends who put kisses in the end of everything, I'm not prone to it myself, but I even see it on here. Is it just him she puts kisses in the end of the messages? Or does she do it to lots of people? Some people just do add kisses as a way of thanks for a compliment, which is possibly what he's giving her.

I don't think it's ok to call her bad names, I think much of this is your own insecurity and to do with how your husband is behaving and the attention he is giving her,

I do think instead of blaming the women, it really should be more about dealing with the man, when that man is the one in a relationship with you. I don't see him getting called names, yet he appears to be equally involved in the communication, and you are reticent to even challenge him on it.

He says he will now not post anything to anyone for fear of causing me offense. See my DH would have said, "I'm so sexy, are you jealous, ooo I'm so gorgeous, HAHAHAHAHA" or something. I agree that your DH's reaction is very interesting.

Your husband is making you feel this way not the woman. He should deal with the situation. If it happened once he should never comment again. Sorry OP I think he enjoys it. Saying that to help you not upset you.

Aaahhh.

I misread and thought she had an affair with your other friends OH when you said this

She has done this to a friend of mines partner too.

In which case she's not quite a slapper or the town bike, but she needs decent boundaries with married and attached men.

OP, if your husband is responding and flirting, then he's encouraging her .... and if he can't be appropriate then perhaps he should stop making comments on FB.

Are the messages just complementary or are they objectively suggestive in any way?

If a single man posted similar comments on your pics and you commented on the man's pics in the same way your husband did, do you think he'd have a problem with it?

My husband woukd think it strange the same as me as I have never really had any conversations with men via fb. Mostly its cimments on friend's/mums pics and our real friends posts. I find it odd with her as she is not a close friend. I trust all our close friends and wouldnt bat an eyelid if tgey sent him kisses.

She had asked him if he was coming to her party and replied that she was gutted he couldn't. She has pm'd which i didn't like.

I agree he's no innovent he has not showed empathy on how i feel.

So she's also private messaging? Have you read the messages?
I suspect she's being encouraged by him..I'd want to read those messages especially because of the way he's reacted to your request to limit the commenting etc.

Yes she pmd to organise a play date but i checked the messages after to see if there had been others and found these which he didnt tell me about.

A play date?

Her son inviting ours to tea

Hmm I wouldn't like that to be honest , he is fully aware of why he's doing and is probably loving the excitement of it all.

My rule is if your doing it in secret and delete your messages then you shouldn't be doing it .

Hope your ok xx

Do you usually have each other's kids round for tea?
I'm just trying to find out what kind of friend she is ..you say you aren't close friends but do you socialise with her irl?
Maybe the messages are innocent if it's just about the kids ..without more detail it's hard to tell.

No the boys aren't really friends they play rugby together. We don't socialise but we will be going to a christmas event. I just dont see why she needed to pm him to see if he was going to her party and then saying gutted when he couldn't go.

Were you also asked to.the party?

Who got the playdate om?

Pm, not om

Don't be upset that your DH 'can't see your pov'. He can see it. He's just ignoring it and over-reacting because you have called him on his behaviour.

She's a man eater, make you work hard...

Not just me that has that spring to mind straight away?

Anyway, some men can be clueless to flirting when it's right in front of them. But there's no harm really. If it strokes her ego to think your DH is interested and you know if she really tried it on with him he'd knock her back I'd just find it funny, awkward or a bit embarrassing, depending on the context.

Nobody has ever cheated just by someone flirting with them- they are either easily turned or not.

I hope you can just ignore her attention seeking.

However, is there a possibility she's just naturally flirty? I used to be this way but was jobless actually trying to be friendly. Obviously you know the woman better than me thus why I have added it as an afterthought.

Jobless I meant obviously.

Also my DHs aunt outs loads of x's after messages - these days it's quite a common thing to do to anyone past acquaintance stage.

I only tend to do it to 4/5 people but it doesn't bother when others do it.

No man ever got eaten against his wishes.

This. Its not up to her to stop flirting. I personally think its pretty classless to knowingly flirt with a married man, but she's not doing anything wrong. Its up to DH not to respond to it. Its up to him not to cheat.

She's gutted because she doesn't get to spend time with him in a social setting and now the play date is a great excuse to try and see your DH. Your DH either knows this or is extremely naive.

The majority of people don't set out to have affairs, but the fact that she's gutted he wasn't going to her party and is commenting and no doubt 'liking' his stuff on FB, is stroking his ego and he's reciprocating or not rejecting.

When my DH did something I wasn't impressed with concerning another woman, I told him if this was deemed acceptable then I'd start doing the same with other men. He then said I didn't need to because I had sisters to talk to about that stuff and he didn't think it was right to share that with his siblings, so he had nobody else.

I just reiterated I'd start getting other guys and he couldn't handle it, because he knows I'd go through with it. I think unless some people get a taste of their own medicine they just carry on as they were.