not comfortable with this

[pinklemonade84]

Dh is a huge Billy Connolly fan and when he found out that he would be doing a tour he was desperate to go. A female friend of ours is another huge fan and booked the tickets for them to go (I was unable to as dd is 6.5 months old, potentially epileptic, we had no one available to look after her and I'm also filling in for them with one of my brothers as they're both employed as carers for my mum).

I noticed towards the end of my pregnancy that she seemed a bit flirty with dh. Touchy feely. And writing cryptic messages in Japanese (she's teaching herself) for him on the whiteboard in my mum's kitchen. Something that I put down to my crazy hormones at the time. But she is still flirty with him even now that dd is born.

I don't think a lot of myself at the moment as I've piled a lot of weight on since the birth (restarted slimming world whole heartedly today). And to me she seems to be everything that I don't feel like I am - thin (well I know I'm not that), pretty and she has much more in common with dh than I do.

So, today is the day and they've headed off to Manchester, just the two of them and they won't be back until 4 in the morning. Dh without saying goodbye to me and dd. And I've got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can't quite put my finger on it and I've been on edge all day.

I don't think dh would do anything. But, I never thought he would hold my financial situation against me - though he made some nasty comments to me about money this week in front of my mum, which upset her.

I keep telling myself that my fears sound stupid. But, this niggling just won't go away

Cricrichan I hadn't actually voiced any upset about him going and was actually excited for him to go until the day came, so really no reason for him to leave without saying goodbye. I didn't realise how strongly I felt about it until then. We've been under a lot of stress with dd, including 2 ambulance trips last week because her seizures are slowly becoming more active each time. And it hurt that he hadn't asked about her

AnyFucker yes she is xx

Now you need to tackle the issue of the real 'other woman' which is his PlayStation

Then both of them are stepping over boundaries like crazy

Your H for developing a relationship with a woman outside of yours

And her for breaking professional boundaries

Stop being a bystander here. If something is making you uncomfortable then speak to both of them about it.

Did you get her from an agency? Can you contact them and ask for her to be swapped because "it just isn't working out" or something?

Who has overall responsibility for hiring and firing the carers? I wouldn't have her around. I am sure your mother will cope if she has a different combination of care, it could happen at any time anyway surely if someone got another job? Sounds like this one is massively unprofessional.

Any man who spends quality time with a PS4 and another woman over his wife and newborn child (or just absent his wife if they have no children) is a lightweight.

To me that that word sums up so much.

None of mum's carers have come from an agency and mum is the one who has responsibility for hiring and firing. We're all family or friends of the family. Due to mum's disabilities and illnesses she likes to have people around that she feels comfortable around so she's less likely to feel awkward if for example she wets herself and needs help getting changed.

If I can get him to focus on us for a while, maybe reinstate no technology thursdays, I'm sure we can work past this. I don't want to push him away because of my own insecurities

He is making you insecure, so he is the one who needs to change his behaviour

Honestly, this not right

If my husband went on a date (and I would consider this a date, yes) I would consider my marriage over

My H has female friends, sure. But he does not prioritise his leisure with them instead of me and his family

You have a problem with him with or without this woman steaming in

Leisure time

But, it wasn't right for me to kick off the way that I did. To risk ruining something special for him was selfish of me. He'll never get to see Billy Connolly again because of the poor man's health, so it really was a once in a lifetime thing for dh.

No

His family is a "once in a lifetime thing"

Stop selling yourself short

No technology Thursdays?
So you'd tolerate this man child playing on his PS4 the other six days of the week?
Toughen up OP, Only PS4 Thursdays would be a start.

And assert yourself, tell him to prioritise you. You didn't behave too well about the night out, but don't beat yourself up about one night. He hasn't behaved well for many nights by the sound of it.

And the carer is an employee of your mum, she needs some boundaries and needs to behave in a professional manner.

Time to step up and sort this lot out.

This sounds harsh but you need to communicate better. You feel you have no you time while your dh has lots. You miss him and feel he doesn't show he cares for you anymore. You feel he should be more vocal about his concern for your daughter (If he feels it). You fee he should be more in tune with your emotions. You feel very sensitive about his relationship with this woman. I'd say he knows almost none of this, but is being punished for it. He has not been as caring or thoughtful as a reasonable man should - it's a no brainier that taking that amount of time off might leave the oh jealous , and he has been a complete dick re money (honestly re the money I'd tear him a new one) ,but that doesn't change the fact that you need to tell him how you feel.

The thing is I have told him that I feel insecure about her, I did when this all started when I was pregnant - maybe he put it down to hormones? And he definitely knows how I feel about myself as it was literally the night before he went that I was sat on the end of our bed crying because of how I feel about myself

He is horrible

OP, take a step back and look at it as a whole picture - not just Billy Connolly-gate. You're taking way too much responsibility for his behaviour towards you.

Correct me if I am wrong, you've recently had a baby and you have a lot on your shoulders with your mother, especially this weekend as you are standing in for your siblings who usually help care for her. On top of that, your child has been quite seriously ill in the last couple of weeks and your dog has had a seizure.

Your H had a 'once in the lifetime opportunity' to go and see a comedian? Instead of being incredibly grateful and lucky that you have felt able to deal with all your collective shit by yourself for a day and night so he can enjoy this experience, he went with someone he knows makes you feel uncomfortable, left without saying goodbye and didn't even make sure you were OK when he arrived? He enquired after your DD and dog at the end of the day but didn't ask if YOU were OK?

This is shit behaviour never mind the fact that he's developed an inappropriate relationship with someone who made you feel insecure while you were pregnant, carrying his baby. And let's not forget he's been a twat about money as well.

He doesn't deserve to be cut any slack because he eventually managed to send you a text. It is no surprise whatsoever that you have got into a negative mindset with him. The hard time you say you gave him wasn't hard enough.

Of course, he's going to sweep things under the carpet and not talk about it. If he acts all normal and even nice, he can play the 'I can't win' card when your resentment bubbles over every now and again. And before you know it, you're apologising for giving him a hard time and he gets to be a twat again soon.