Past

[Icky871]

How much do you discuss with you hb? I'm trying to find a middle ground

Is it a lie by omission when he said he didn't want details?

No, I don't think it has been lies by omission, but I do think your husband is being an arsehole. He is exhibiting strange controlling behaviours here. Is there any anything else that he's strange about with you?

Do you have a loving husband who loves you for being you who thinks you're fab and doesn't really care about the past (as it's none of his business), or do you have a judgemental arsehole who made you feel awful about yourself?

He's the one with the problem love

No just that I need to be respectful in what I wear out in town as I haven't respected him before ..... he said this after the argument about me not telling him everything about my past. I get what your saying bacon and Eggs but I do love him I just need to learn how to move forward and not let my brain run away with itself x

Stop worrying. You weren't together, you aren't answerable to him.

There's nothing wrong with you. A good husband doesn't ask these kinds of questions, tell you what to wear or refuses to go for counselling.

There's nothing you can do to stop him controlling you. It's not your fault.

What I do understand is I should have never lied to him about some things in the first place like number of partners .... whilst they are not bad it still wrong of me to lie. I was really open with him at the beginning of the relationship a shared probably too much... that is why I think he asks so many questions etc.... I probably made a bed for myself to be honest.

Hopefully in time when he feels more secure in the relationship he will be able to just get over insecurities? also realise that I am not going to hurt him. He does know I have cheated before maybe he feels like I would do it to him..... just for the record I wouldn't as I am married at the means so much to me and that I love him a lot

I do wish he would just love me for who I am now not 6 years ago as people grow and mature

You are married. You should both have been comfortable and secure in your relationship before that point, surely?

He is telling you what to wear? That's awful. How did that make you feel?

He asks you to dress respectfully? He is sounding very controlling, and as for the lying by omission, if he has asked for no details and is then upset when he finds out a detail - that's his issue not yours. He sounds like a prat.

I was until he brought up the past thing I forgot about my past to be honest.

It made me feel like crap he said he wouldn't tell me what to wear but I should know what is respectful... my dresses were really not that bad at all.

Do you think I should talk to him about the kiss thing or just how the whole thing has made me feel, last time I mentioned it he said I shouldn't be feeling like crap he should as he is the one who was lied to

Oh no he hasn't said anything about lying by omission I just feel that I need to tell him whole truths but he has said to me he doesn't want details that is just how I feel

He doesn't own you. You know that, right? And your past is none of his business. Unless you choose to share it.

It sounds like he doesn't like or trust women and is very controlling. To the point that he wants to control your past and your memories.

I like the sounds of your counsellor a lot more than I like your husband.

Sorry I thought some of the responses were a little harsh on your dh until I read the part about dressing respectfully. That's an awful thing to say and ridiculously controlling. I sympathised a little before because I have been guilty of asking for more details than I can handle in the past too.

This all seems to be very one sided though. Doesn't he have a past too? Has he disclosed all the details about that? I'm not saying that he needs to but wonder how he would like to be judged on past behaviour.

Btw you really have no need to tell him about who you've kissed and I definitely wouldn't recommend it based on his recent response.

You've done nothing wrong, stop worrying

Thank you this is the first time I have ever vented or talked on a forum and I am really overwhelmed with everyone's help and responses. I do feel so much better and I haven't felt happy in a while. Thanks k you all so much

I work on the basis of being an open book. I won't readily volunteer information but, if asked, I tell the truth. I also work on the basis, not to ask the question, if you're not prepared for the answer

Please do keep posting - we're here 24/7

Your husband shouldn't be making you feel like crap - that's not what you both agreed when you got married. Hopefully he said something like respecting and loving you was what he would do. This isn't what he's doing now.

I'm not going to say LTB, but you should not be blaming yourself here. I'm the berk who mentioned the phrase 'lies by omission', and I shouldn't have, because actually that is not what is happening here.

Don't take all this on your shoulders when it's not your behaviour at fault. Be kind to yourself, and think about what you would want to achieve from counselling if you still think you want to do it.

Yes I am going to have a good think about things. I do feel like talking it out as helped a lot.... it is good to have a outside view on things. Sorry new to mums net what does LTB mean?

Leave The Bastard. LTB.

lmao thanks for clarifying

OP why did you marry him? You might say because you loved him but apart from that why was marraige to him a good prospect? Was he exhibiting controlling tenancies and you thought marraige might make him feel secure?

He wasn't like this at all before we were married. He was more like my best friend