Moving in with a man

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I've been seeing a man for a while and all going great. We often stay over at each other's houses, get on well with each other's kids (all teenagers), have been away together and do variety of things together. He's recently asked me if I think we will move in together. Although I enjoy having him stay over, i find it difficult to think about a man moving in. I'm not entirely sure why. I trust him and don't have any major misgivings. Anyone else had similar feelings?

Blueskyrain Goodness, does no body here live happily with partners/husbands? How utterly depressing a view of living together most of you have.

I think it's fairly obvious that many people here have had some pretty grim experiences. It's arguably quite shabby of you to demean their real lived experiences, I think.

Again, can't agree with Handywoman more.
My kids aren't easy to live with at their age and it would not be a very good experience for us all or fair to the new person to have to try adapt to our way of living. Put it this way, my DD's have grown up in this house and never locked a bathroom door in 7 years. Even those little things would all change, it would be hard for them and I worry it would impact their schooling and their relationship with me too, at their most emotionally needy ages!

It's not so much a depressing view of living together: it's just not seeing much benefit of it. And I am no longer really getting why it's the standard and the goal of most relationships.

I like lots of my own space to do what I like. I like my independence and living within my budget, doing the housework etc and decorating and everything the way I like. I'm happy in my bed alone at night, I'm not lonely or sad.

I have a boyfriend whose company I enjoy and the sex is fab, and when we're together it's all about us having fun. You can't have that escapist bubble when you're living together - that's sharing the mundane and daily drudge - I am not in any rush to exchange the fun stuff for 'real life'. I think people rush into commitment, just cos it's what's expected and it seems the thing to do - the relationship escalator.

Also, I had a stepfather as a teen, and I've no desire to inflict one on my kids. Making it work for them would be hard and I want to put them first, especially since I am happy as I am. So why would I do it to them?

Exactly what category12 says.

Word for word.

I'm not demeaning anyone's experiences, I just don't think they represent all or even most cohabitations.

There are many wonderful parts to living together, and the negative experiences are not everyone's.

There are huge and unpleasant generalisations here about men gaining and women losing from cohabitation.

Waking Up together and going to sleep together every day can be wonderful. Sharing domestic duties should mean that life gets easier for both adults (it certainly did for me), and there's no reason why the magic can't remain - I think that's more about people taking each other for granted than living together.

Handywoman - your first post resonates with me. I feel pride, almost disbelief at having my own place. I'm happy to share it as in he comes round and feels at home there. But it's mine and the kids home. I do feel safe and never alone/lonely there. I've woken up today at his place and I like it here too. One day it might make sense to combine our assets and buy a place - guess we could be mortgage free sooner doing that.

I think you've found your answer OP. You've said you value having your own home for you and the dcs, doing things your own way, decorated how you like it. How it would feel to come home and find DH's friends there... Sounds like things are just fine the way they are, and both keeping your own homes will undoubtedly make for more peaceful lives with DCs.

I can't imagine living with anyone now and have just had a 14 year live out arrangement.
BUT... the issue I found was it's just like dating. You don't truly get that cosy familiarity. And that's fine too but then you kind of think what's the point. If you can live without each other ( which if you are living independently you can) are they really the one? How do you know or is it just a nice convenient friends with benefits thing?

FB - yes I think I probably have...at least for now.

Reveal - it's not FWB, it's a relationship. We do lots of things together, stay over sometimes, support each other with problems and achievements and go to each other's kids concerts and things.

I am committed to him. But I like some space too and I prefer him being a welcome guest than part of the furniture I think. I stayed at his last night and although he's tidier than me there were some boxes of man things lying around (camping/cycling type stuff). I've got enough lying around my house that I couldn't really complain but...it's different when not my junk isnt it!?

I feel I may be somewhat intolerant but I spent years living in a house that I didn't feel welcome or at home in. I've got away from that and established my own thing. I know it wouldn't be the same as before (this guy is considerate, kind, pulls his weight) but still...

Happily married for 20 years but reading all your posts has made me pine for my single days when I had my own space and did not need to compromise...

I have thought before that the idea of two adjoining cottages would be ideal. They could even have some shared space/access. I love this idea but every man I've suggested it to has been slightly hurt by the suggestion.

I think there does come a point in most relationships when something needs to happen to take things forwards. I personally admire your stance however others will see this as glorified FwB.

People wouldn't think 'glorified fwb', they would think boyfriend/girlfriend. It isn't either moving in together or it's fwb, that is just bizarre. They would ask questions like when are you moving in etc, but that's cos it's conventional. It's OK to not be conventional. And what other people think is the least good reason to move in together.

Yes, it's perfectly normal to 'see each other' or 'go out' or whatever.