My husband forgot my ultrasound scan

[Wallpaperpasta]

I'm pregnant and am having regular growth scans. On Friday I had my latest and they found a slight problem that will need further monitoring, my husband fully forgot.

He wasn't due to attend with me, but didn't ask how it went or anything. When I mentioned that he had forgotten in the evening he said it was my fault for not reminding him.

I'm wasting my time waiting for the man I married to reappear aren't I?

But at the same time I don't want DC thinking it's normal to be treated like this.

This isn't simply about a forgotten appointment. In fact it's clear your husband isn't interested in the baby at all, or anyone apart from himself.

Do you think you could cope alone?

Would he want a lot of contact, realistically? It sounds as though he'd rather be off doing his hobby. He might fight at first for contact, but it sounds as though that would peter out.

Is it possible financially for you two to split up? Would it be harder for you on your own? Do you have nearby family? I'm sure your old friends would be back in a shot.

God, I read your other thread and I thought at the time that he sounded like a total dick. He clearly isn't just forgetting something as a one off.

Manon- to be honest I do 99% of parenting so yes I could. Financially things initially wouldn't be great but I am actually the one with better qualifications etc. Also I have a family that despite his best efforts at alienating us care deeply about me and DC.

But what is it you need to 'supervise'? He can take care of himself. And it can be amazing how 'forgetful' fathers can manage to man up when the woman isn't there to do it all for them.

If he's truly that disinterested in his children then visits will drop off to nil or he'll arrange it so there's someone else to do the drudge (like his parents or sibling). I know that's hard on them, but IMO it's easier than living with someone who isn't interested in you and being confronted with that fact everyday. I think that would be more damaging than a divorce.

Do you have family you could move in with for a few months, until you've had the baby and you're able to make decisions?

If you suggested you move out, what do you think he'd say?

Or does he have someone he can go to?

My H used to blame me fo not reminding about things. Or for his own actions. He still does, and we are separated.
It shows a lack of care about you.
You deserve care.

Across-I need to supervise to make sure he actually watches DC instead of playing on phone or watching TV.

I can't imagine a world where DH would not have come to a scan and if that was impossible, blown up my phone before, during and after.
It's not looking good. I would give serious thought as to whether you want to continue this relationship. You deserve much better than this.

I get what you're saying.

What I meant was that many lazy or selfish fathers do better when there isn't anyone there to pick up the slack. If you're 'supervising' your H, he probably knows that he doesn't have to actively parent because you'll step in. They may not do things the way we would, but the children are not really in actual danger. My own DH has in the past has used TV as a babysitter or gotten McD for the children when I wasn't there, but he didn't let them play near a hot cooker, run out in traffic, or have massive slices of cake every night for supper. His 'standards' may not have been up to mine, but the children were never in danger with him, iyswim He never let them sit in a dirty nappy or put them to bed filthy. Do you think your H would be that neglectful or allow them to wander into danger if he knew you weren't there to do it for him? Have there been instances in the past where the children have been put in danger due to his neglect? I'm not saying you've done too much or have to answer my questions. Just putting out rhetorical questions for you to consider. Because if you are really so unhappy I don't think you should stay simply to assure that what he does meets your level of care. The negative effects of living in an unhappy, tense home with an unhappy, tense mother and an ignoring father can be much worse than every other weekend with a lazy father.

Clearly forgetting the scan is a small part of the issues with your husband. Even if he remembered it, there are still problems includin how he treats you, your friends and family.

Time to start thinking about the future of the marriage and what you'll tolerate. So far he's been allowed to keep your friends at a distance because of his behaviour.

If my husband attempted that we'd be . When my BIL (sister's husband) was extremely rude to my husband, she called him out on it and he came to our house the next day apologising. He's never tried anything like that again.

Forgetting a scan is hardly divorce material. If your having regular scans it's perfectly reasonable he may have just forgot !

"it's entirely inappropriate for him to blame me for him forgetting"

Indeed. Those posting that forgetting is one of those things are missing this.

I'd be more upset at him changing the subject when you told him there was an issue.

Do you really think he'd bother with your children if you left him?

Horsegirl1 Have you rtft?

What are you going to do?

Does he display his love in other ways?