What do you think of small weddings?

[FrowningGlory]

People who've had small weddings! I'm interested in hearing from you...

Bit of background; I got engaged a few years ago to someone that turned out to be horrible. The whole thing left such a bitter taste that I pretty much gave up on the idea of marriage. However, I've been with current DP a little while and every now and again we talk about what it would be like to be husband and wife and how special it would be (he had a terrible divorce after 15 years of marriage, so he was at first hesitant too - he's 18 years older than me for reference). It just seems to come up quite a lot...

I would actually really like to marry DP - he's extremely kind, very funny and interesting and sexy. We have a really, really good time together and I think we'd make each other very happy. I feel completely calm and safe with him and we talk all the time about a future together - where we'd settle down, what our house will be like, trips we'd like to go on etc.

Much as I would love to be his wife I'm struggling with the idea of the wedding a bit....for a few reasons:

1. I lost my mother recently and the idea of having a wedding without her makes me feel a bit sick - almost like it's impossible for it to be good without her. I thought maybe I could invite her best friend (who I like), especially as her best friend's husband is good friends with my Dad so he'd feel less lonely...
2. No offense to anyone intended here! But I think some of the weddings I see on social media, well almost of them really, look like something I'd hate to do! It's cool if that's what works for them but it seems to me that weddings have moved so far away from what I thought they were that if we did it on a really small scale people would almost be disappointed..?

Just out of curiosity I went on a Bridal Magazine website and looked at their 12 month time scale to-do list for weddings and was slightly horrified.

It includes things like 'Get your teeth whitened', 'Attend third wedding dress fitting', 'Attend make-up trial session'....

This kind of thing genuinely brings me out in a sweat!! Do you think this is what people expect? I've only been to two weddings so I don't really know.

My ideal wedding for me is literally something like....20 people...just a nice dress (not white or anything), DP in a nice suit...quick ceremony then just a big lunch in a nice pub afterwards. No disco or anything. DP feels the same - he's very, very laid back and would sooner people just relaxed and had a chilled time than anything too ceremonious. The only thing we might clash on is the amount of people as he's got SO many friends and comes from a big family.

I definitely don't want a hen-do, (saw something online the other day about a 4 day hen weekend where everyone had two sets of matching outfits and a rigidly scheduled timetable every day - is this a thing? Who can afford this??)

I supposed DF would do a speech (because I'll have trouble stopping him tbh - he loves giving speeches!!) but other than that, just everyone having a big dinner and a bit of a laugh.

Also definitely wouldn't spend the night before away from him!!

Can anyone tell me about their expectations/experiences of little weddings and what they would expect to be paid for at a wedding (I'm thinking food and drink but also maybe cars and hotels if it's only few people?)?

By the way I know DP hasn't actually asked me to marry him yet!! But he is completely transparent and I feel as though he might fairly soon, and I'm just trying to work out how I feel about it, rather than having 5 seconds to decide if he does actually pop the question!!

Thanks everyone.

There is a huge industry surrounding weddings now and I feel that things are getting more expensive and more ridiculous and that couples, in particular the bride-to-be, are being sold this idea of a perfect wedding and of being a 'princess for a day' and that if you don't have all of this then your wedding will be a flop. It's become over commercialised and putting the 'bridal' label on anything suddenly makes the price rocket.

Dh and I had a small wedding at a register office and a buffet lunch and piss up at a nice pub afterwards and it was great. It was quiet, cheap, quick, informal, personal and, most importantly of all, felt like a fun celebration.

Have the wedding you want, not the overly expensive thing that you're sold by those in the industry trying to make money out of what should be a celebration your relationship.

The thought of a big day would bring me out in hives. I'm quite introverted and DP is too. Our wedding will be a civil ceremony, close family only and afterwards to a nice restaurant followed by a few drinks, maybe a bit of dancing and sing-song.

We'll have no bridesmaids/ ushers /flowers / favours /wedding car/ hen weekend etc for me. People can wear what they like and whatever they feel comfortable in, whether that's flip-flops or top hats. I'm wearing a proper bridal dress but that's my choice because I fell in love with a particular one. DP can wear what he wants. Just a nice simple day with our families, including the kids.

One SIL on one side makes great cakes and has offered to make it, another SIL on the other side is awesome at decorating them so both have offered a collaboration there. My wedding ring was my grandmothers. Someone else is a great amateur photographer so will take a few nice snaps.

Oh, and we didn't get engaged by way of a big surprise proposal. We agreed on doing it one night chatting at home. Me in old PJ's, a very unsexy top-knot and face cream with the contents of half a bottle of wine inside me.

Go for the day you want to have.

We had a civil ceremony and just had immediate family and bestest closest friends, their were 21 of us ( including me and my oh) we did everything traditionally ( I had a long white dress, oh had best man ect) we had dinner round one big table, plenty of booze and amazing food then for the evening but we had a massive party, lots of extra guests, a band, we loved it and most importantly it was what we wanted :-) xx

Our photos are lovely save your money!

We had a lovely small wedding. We wanted a church wedding as we're both Christians so that side was important but I got married in an off-the-peg number from Monsoon and we had a bar-b-cue for 25 people in my parents (not large) garden. It was lovely lovely lovely. We spent a reasonable amount on meat, salads, a keg of beer, lots of wine and soft drinks and puddings and my parents did a lot of the work. We also invested in a (cheap) gazebo in case of inclement weather but the whole thing probably cost £3000.

I would not have done it any differently. And no, I didn't have my teeth whitened

You should do exactly what YOU want. Your idea of a wedding sounds lovely - and was actually very similar to what a good friend of mine did. It was SUCH a lovely day and I still remember it as my second favourite one ever (after mine of COURSE )

If you do it your way and you and your DH2B are obviously happy then nothing else will matter and everyone will enjoy themselves.

I had a small wedding too, love being married and loved our day.

One of the nicest weddings I've ever been to was quite small - about 60 people. The bride wore a pretty summer dress (and did her own hair etc), the groom a jacket and tie. They didn't want presents but asked the guests to bring food for a buffet lunch. It was lovely - really relaxed and happy.

Small weddings are lovely.

I've planned one but it's somehow spiralled to 56 people. So stick to your guns if it's really what you want at the point that one of you proposes.

And there isn't really a way of saying this delicately, so forgive me, but with quite a large age-gap it would be quite sensible to be either married to him, or to have wills written up, life insurance plans with each other as beneficiary, etc.

Small wedding here too - 50 people all-in (for both ceremony and after), just family and v close friends. The ceremony was in this amazing Tudor hall type place and then we had drinks in the courtyard there afterwards. Then all of us walked round the corner (through the centre of town, on a Saturday afternoon - someone asked if we were advertising something ) to a (nice, upmarket!) bar/cafe. We had sole use of the downstairs and the garden. It was July and blazing hot; we had a BBQ in the garden and everyone just ate, drank, chilled out in the sunshine. We had a big box of stuff for the kids to do so they were entertained. My dad and my BIL (best man) each did say a few words, but there was no expectation that they would - in fact BIL wasn't going to - his speech was spontaneous and all the more special for it. It was the best day ever and I'd do exactly the same again. The one single downside was that the bar's sound system didn't go outside so my amazing wedding playlist that I spent ages making was largely wasted but I coped somehow. You do whatever works for you OP, any combination of trad/non-trad that you want, and have a great time!

I was going to say "as long as it's what you both want then great, go on ahead" but we had a small wedding because of financial reasons and actually I loved it.

TBH we probably wouldn't have had a massive wedding anyway because I hate being the centre of attention but I certainly hadn't thought we'd have a small wedding. In hindsight I wish I had always had a small wedding in mind as we'd have been married a lot sooner!

I loved the relaxed planning, the chilled feeling of the day and that I got to spend the evening of my wedding day alone with my husband. There were things I missed (mainly people that we couldn't invite), but I'd do t again in a heartbeat.

Happy planning

We're having a wedding of 50 people (I would have settled for a registry office and a nice restaurant, but OH was keen on a bit more than that)

I'm not having bridesmaids or a hen do as I just CBA with any of that.
No large group photos with silly poses
No long drawn out speeches
No photobooth/sweetie bar/whatever the new trend is
Definitely no teeth whitening

Basically want our guests to be relaxed, welcome, well-fed & watered. I want to talk to everyone, spend time chatting, eating and having a nice time. I went to a wedding of 450 people, spoke to the bride and groom for about 20 seconds, they left for several hours of photography with about 2 canapés each and but the booze was free-flowing. Not for me (apart from liberal amounts of alcohol)

I think that at your wedding you should be able to do what you want! Personally, if I was one of only 20 or so invitees I would be incredibly touched that the couple thought enough of me to want me there when they were having such a small group!

I think regardless of the type of wedding you have it's always good to let people know roughly what to expect, that goes for letting any frail maiden aunts know if it's going to be karaoke and bierkeller and equally letting any total party animals know if it's going to be more low key. That's easy to do though.

The only thing which has ever made me a bit "eye roll-y" at a wedding was long periods of nothing happening with no food. Anything else is fine by me and I think would be for most people, especially if they knew it was going to be an intimate affair not a massive do

op I think a small wedding is heaven we hot married 24 years ago just family close friends would never have done a big wedding I hate pictures so was very informal our wedding album turned out a disaster so the one picture we have a guest took .
You and your do should do as you both want not anything to do with others . Good luck you don't need 12 months of fussing to have a wedding

somerville

....genuinely hadn't thought about that

Argh, sorry, didn't mean to upset you.

We had a small wedding, a few friends, a few relatives. 26 people in all. Ceremony at the register office, lunch with lots of wine at a posh local restaurant then home.

No regrets and celebrated our silver wedding anniversary this year.

At the end of the day it is about the commitment not the colour of your teeth the flowers.

We had about 60 people at our wedding, so it wasn't small in that sense, but it was modest. We got married in our church and then had the reception at a local pub who did us a buffet for £8 a head. Everyone could sit where they liked and chat to whomever they liked and buy their own drink (we paid for a few bottles of bubbly). My dress cost £90, what I would call a 'garden party' dress in very pale pink. DH bought a new grey suit, which he still wears to work sometimes. A friend did the photography for us, another friend baked us a (carrot) cake and my BiL drove me to the church in his car. I bought some roses from the local florist to carry up the aisle. It was an amazing day. One of our friends tells us frequently that it was the best wedding he's ever been to!
Before the wedding, a colleague asked us about the colour scheme and I said there wasn't one. She said, there will be - what about the seat covers? There was never a colour scheme, nor seat covers... Do exactly what you want to do!

I'm getting married in May (2nd time for me). It's in a registry, maybe 13 people. Will spend about £50 on the dress (not a white one). Photographs will be taken by those with mobile phones. Afterwards it'll be an Indian for food followed by pub. You dont need a lot of people (or a lot of money) to have a really good day.

Mine was virtually identical to Watching above. If I want to go to a huge, discotastic bells and whistles wedding (which I love), I just go to someone else's. So many of the traditions are relatively recent that you should only appropriate the ones, if any, you feel like doing. We had a wonderful day and continue to be happy and I wish the same for you.

Another in the tiny wedding club. Me, DH, our two children (they were 1 & 4 at the time), our parents and siblings. There was 14 of us. Got a nice dress from Phase Eight, DH wore his good suit, ceremony was in our local church, then dinner in a nice resteraunt nearby. Got our flowers at M&S that morning and made the bouquets and button jokes ourselves. DHs Uncle took the photos. No stag or hen parties, no bridesmaids or cars. Was andvremain much more excited about being married than in a "wedding". i absolutely love a good wedding, but the thought of organising it all just st filled me with dread. Xx

DH & I have been together 10 years, we recently had the smallest wedding possible: me, him & the reverend. & it was perfect for us.

I'm previously divorced, did the whole 20 grand 200 guest wedding with bells & whistles on & got divorced 2 years later!!

We knew we wanted to be husband & wife but didn't really want the fuss of the wedding part. We do have close family & we thought about a small registry office affair at home but it's drawing the line on guests etc so we opted for going to Las Vegas just us 2 & I wouldn't change a single thing.

There were less than 30 guests at our wedding and I still thought it was too big!

Bollocks to all this wedding magazine stuff. It's really only taken off since the internet and social media and one-upmanship and it makes me gip.

We spent less than £500 on the whole thing. Reception venue, cake, suits for us both, suit for our DS (actually was the most expensive!), buffet and one glass of wine each, photographer. My sis paid for the car and my aunty did the flowers. We just had a morning wedding and reception. Lots of alcoholics in my family so we didn't do a free bar or anything.

Best part of the day was going out for chinese with our two "besties" couples afterwards!

We had less than 40 people at our wedding & it was lovely. We had it in a local windmill and used their tearoom for dinner, drinks & an iPod disco. I felt like I got to spend time with everybody. I honestly don't know you'd have time to speak to everyone if you had more than that! We didn't feel anxious about getting up in front of everybody & our ceremony felt really casual. Dinner cost about £20 per person & there was loads! We bought our own booze & guests took turns manning the bar!

We had a really low key, small wedding. I never wanted a big dress, photography, hair dresser, fancy location. It was wonderful day and we were all relaxed and got to spend time with everyone there (32).
Do what is meaningful to you.

I agree when others say do what makes you both happy and be prepared to compromise. We had 50 during the day and another 50 at night. It was lovely but I did feel obliged to spend a lot of time making small talk with distant relatives/friends when I just wanted to be up on the dance floor burning off all the energy and excitement that i felt. I also wish I'd bought a cheaper dress but it really depends on what's important to you. We made our own bouquets with roses from asda and bought cheap invitation multi packs from amazon. I am really glad we got an expensive photographer. I made sure I got someone with a photojournalist style and he took so many beautiful natural shots that I'll treasure forever. Dh's best man died four months after we got married and there's lots of wonderful shots of him enjoying the day. One of my friends put disposable cameras on all the tables and said it was a waste of money because she got so many crappy drunken ass shots and dark images of tiny people dancing in the distance. The best wedding I ever attended was 30 people at a registry office then a meal at a small hotel afterwards. X ☺