How could I get it so wrong again !!!

[moonie70]

Feeling so upset today and need to see how some of you would feel after a date I had on Friday .
Been talking on and off to someone for a year had a few dates which lead to an invite over to his house and an offer of him cooking .
I know he is successful and an over confident to the point of being obnoxious and well plain big headed
As he has money he had already asked me to go to Morroco for new year depending on how things progressed .
I felt overwhelmed by his direct approach but thought I'd give it a chance as his arrogance might be because he's showing off , his car alone is worth over 50,000 plus alone .
He's talked of one of his female friends being in love with him but I'm not to worry because he finds her tonplastic looking and he would never go there.
His last relationship ended at the start of October and was on and off for 1 year , when they were off he would contact me .
We met on tinder, he assured me he really wanted us to try to make a go off things as he really liked me .
My issue fast forward to us ending up in bed , I found him very demanding and wouldn't take no for an answer at his request for oral sex , I tried sorry to much info but I have a jaw that's clicks and is sore and he is well endowed and I couldn't do it .
He said oh go on give me a blow job you have 3 options up the bum , front penetration or blow job , I said no I don't want to and he said well I won't let you go till you do , I'll kidnap you and rape you , WTF my blood ran cold , I said don't say that and he passed it off as a Joke , well I wasn't laughing .
I was still tired and hung over from the night before and just wanted a hug and to rest.
When we did have sex he was rough as in not going slow with penetration , even tho I said ouch a few times he still carries on , no concern for my feelings at all . He just went at it like a power drill and I faked pleasure even tho I was hurting 😞.
He said I can't wait till we go on holiday I'm going to bang you senseless.
I've been in an abusive relationship before and he knows this and I'm over sensitive but I feel completely violated and upset by his actions.
I felt like he wanted sex as many times as he could before he dropped me off home ,
I don't sleep around and I'm so disappointed that even tho my gut was telling me he wasn't right for me I put myself through this .
Please someone tell me is this me or was he completely out of order here.

I've blocked him as I'm in bits today and sore down below as he was rough , I feel such a fool .
Please can someone give me there perspective on this

You said "No", he carried on. That makes it assault.
He said, "I won't let you go". That's kidnapping.
At the very least there was intimidation.
I think you should read The Abuser Profiles thread.
The red flag bunting started coming out right at the beginning at your mention of over confident, obnoxious, big-headed. "You're very pretty" was not genuine (though I'm sure you are), it's patter he most likely tells every woman he wants to take advantage of.
Your intuition told you he was bad news, next time act on it and leave there and then. Just because he cooked you dinner doesn't mean you owe him sex. Take a look at this interview with .
Never make excuses for someone; he showed you he was arrogant yet you excused it as showing off. The MN mantra is, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don't try to explain it away to yourself.
When you need a hug, find a teddybear or a pet or your mum/sister. Just needing a hug from someone, anyone, is a really bad reason for having sex.
Feeling completely used is a hideous feeling.

You need some personal boundaries - FAST. Try the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud.
(I quite like your wanket typo actually).

He is a rapist.

I would consider reporting him to the police, phone 101. It could help them build a picture to prevent him abusing other women too.

How horrible for you. Try not to blame yourself too much, he took advantage and obviously seems to believe his money gives him the right to anything he wants including sex with an unwilling woman.

I echo keepingonrunning and I would make yourself an appointment at the local police station and tell them exactly what you posted here. (They won't judge you, they will be supportive and helpful, and it will build up a profile of this vile abuser. You may be saving another woman from an ordeal). All the best to you. X

Thanks for the replies ,the iron thing is on the drive home we was talking about a guy that worked for him that liked big woman he said the woman locked him in for a whole wkend as he was 8 stone wet through and she over powered him , she abused him and he advised him to report it as if it had been a woman raped the guy would be in jail , I'm looking back now thinking I was sat there listening to that and he had kinda disrespected me . I think I was still drunk to be honest and it wasn't till sat pm I felt a sense of over whelming sadness , he had gone out with his son and friends to a bonfire and I hadn't even heard of him , still no sorry but I guess he's scared now as he reflecting on his behaviour , he over stepped the mark and put his needs before mine but I'm not sure it would class as rape ,that sounds so serious , but I guess giving me an option of 3 things was saying you don't have a choice , in so tired and feeling abit like wtf happened this wkend

Iron dog not iron 😬

Ironic I mean

In fact you had four choices - the fourth was to leave. For him to say you only had three was coercion.
What happened to you is serious. The key thing is you said no and he ignored you. In UK law no means no and ignoring someone who says that is rape.

He won't apologise, he can't see he did anything wrong because in his eyes you are an object, not a person with feelings and authority over what happens to your body.

I'm in shock , he wanted sex again straight after we finished and I said what again and he said come on baby give me a blow job then , this cycle happened about 3 times , what do I do please advise me , I've got two girls at home I'm carrying on as normal and I have work in the morning , was it coercion if so then I don't want the police involved , at worse was he just over bearing and demanding , I can't eat I'm just empty

This arsehole is a danger to women. It sounds like he could become a potential rapist and maybe even an accidental killer (if one could call them that). Don't go near, text or talk to the man (I refuse to call him that as anyone who treats a female in that way is NO MAN ).

I think you will need to talk this over with someone, perhaps a counsellor or someone from a womens advice center?

Why don't you want the police involved? You can ask to speak with a female officer.

Personally I think it was coercion, and how you feel now about it shows it was traumatic for you (although part of that might be the disappointment & hurt, the crash as it were, from thinking you were in an exciting budding relationship to this).
But it's entirely up to you whether you want to report him (as another poster has said, what you've said in this thread covers it) ... I can understand how you'd be reluctant.
This just highlights (and I've been in a similar situation myself) the issues around consent.

This post made me shiver. Do you think you could handle taking this with the police? Because I would personally! The giving you 3 options and saying he won't let you leave made me feel sick :( I dread to think how you feel. I have been raped and the circumstances was completely different but I really feel this man is a danger and I don't doubt for a second he's treated other women this way, but at what point do you stop? I definitely think you need to confide in someone.

I feel for you, you need to do what's best for you!

Big hugs sweet!

And I'm sorry but he even had the cheek to tell you the story of his friend, in which he advised him to report her. It's difficult and hard but if you think you could report it I really would :(

Thank you every one for your perspectives on this , I feel numb like it's happened to someone else and not me , I think I need to talk to someone in real life ,

You can speak to Rape Crisis anonymously, love

I am sorry this happened to you

Anyfucker you always give good advice is coercion illegal , I'm so confused

Please give rape crisis a call sweet! You're right, it would do you good to speak to someone and talk about this. I have to admit I'm not 100% how it all works here, although I'm from the UK my situation happened in another country when I was very young and had to go through it over there and when I came back I wanted to block it out. I did take it to court though, and due to it being in the media at the time as a 16 year old girl I wanted to do it to make other women come forward and show they could do it. I feel VERY VERY strongly about situations like these! So please do speak to someone that's the least you can do for yourself. I feel awful just reading how you feel, and you shouldn't feel that way! A man SHOULDN'T make you feel that way or put you in that situation!

Please phone rape crisis and have a chat, it'll most likely be upsetting but atleast you get it all off your chest and they can help !

Sending my love

look here new law on coercive control

You don't have to do anything. Rape Crisis will not insist you report or anything. I have provided the link purely so you are supported in knowing that what he did was very wrong and he could be prosecuted for it

Just deal with what you can deal at the moment

here is the statutory guidance

This is not in your head and it is not your fault. There is a very good reason why you are so distressed by it and that is because it is criminal behaviour by him.

This is what I have just received back of him , wow just wow , I'll block him now just wanted to see what his response would be , he sees nothing wrong in his behaviour !

He blocked me after sending this