Somewhere safe

[WindfallenArch]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2745014-Has-anyone-ever-sorted-out-a-completely-utterly-fucked-up-life?msgid=64647876#64647876

How are you doing hiding?

Folks don't be getting yourselves down, giving up alcohol whether an alcoholic/problem drinker or even a social drinker, is a big achievement hence why so many charities use sober October etc.

Remember though that you aren't giving up alcohol, just not going to drink today

This helped me through my initial days of sobriety .....

JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will strengthen my mind.
I will study I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer.
I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will exercise my soul in three ways, I will do someone a good turn, and NOT get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I dont want to do just for exercise
I will not show anyone my feelings are hurt, they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will be agreeable, I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests, hurry and indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

That sounds lovely in theory but I have to regulate a very bolshy two year old. Having things thrown at me... screaming and running away etc it doesn't make me feel very zen !

Tell me what you cannot do on it even with a two year old?

Even if you find doing all of it impossible do what you can. And if at 11pm you have to start again, then start again, no one is going to force it on you, or abuse you for not following it 100%

'Not try and regulate anybody but myself'.

Nope. He needs to bed told what and when to do things.

'Dress becomingly' what ?! That is just odd

Not show any one my hurt feelings... why? Why not say "when you did X it upset me" again, children need to learn that their behaviour can effect other people.

I am pleased you have something that works for you, but that doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

As for no one is going to abuse me for not following it... what an odd statement.

Where is everyone else? I think this thread might not be somewhere safe after all

Hi wind (and others now) just thought I'd check in say say I hope it's all going ok for you. Still rooting for you all, you can do it. I always feel stupid because I don't know what else to say, but I just wanted you to know I was still thinking of you and hope you're ok.

walkerandtexas I'm sorry that I may have not made the Just for today thing clear, this is a way to try and make things easier for you, dress becomingly - means dress as well as you can- I know that if I dress well and feel that I am looking good it makes me feel that bit better.

I agree that you need to teach your children right from wrong, but I think, again my interpretation that Just for today means that you will not try and control or manipulate others - for that day, yes you need to ensure that your child learns and you need to teach them empathy, exactly what you are doing when you say "when you did X you upset me".

As for no one is going to abuse me for not following it... what an odd statement. This statement should be read in the context - along with rest of the statement - no one is going to force it on you, or abuse you for not following it 100% meaning that no one is going to say anything to you if you don't follow it - not like some other forums where people get online abuse for something as trivial as not agreeing with another.

Re the this not being a safe place and where is everyone else, I can't speak for everyone, but at the time you wrote that I was in bed, and I would say a number of others who be on the forum were too, but I cannot, do not nor s keep to regulate anyone else. God knows I have enough issues trying to regulate myself.

I would suggest that this is a safe place, a place where people can make suggestions about recovery and issues and talk about their feelings, all done under a veil of anonymity which allows true disclosure without fear of judgement.

How are things, Wind?

How are things, Wind?

Another one wondering here. Haven't been on much myself lately, things have been getting on top of me and I've been mostly hiding under the duvet to avoid doing anything stupid Hope everyone is ok, walker I'm sorry I wasn't around last time you posted, let us know how you are if you can.

Hi folks, I feel a bit bad, did I scare everybody off?

Not me userf, only person scaring me atm is myself How's everything with you?

I feel like all I ever wanted is to be a mum, tried for years to get pregnant and now I have a son I am absolutely shit at it. Ugh.

Walker it is really common to put a lot of pressure on yourself as a parent if you had fertility problems. You feel you should be thankful/enjoying every precious moment and feel guilty if you don't. In my case this was one factor that led to pnd and I was told by the HV that pnd is common in mums who struggled to get pregnant. I am sure you are not shit at it. 2 year olds are hard work. Go easy on yourself.

Wind, hiding, user, hoping things are ok for you all

Thanks old books

hiding all pretty similar with me, although I did find out that dw went out on Sunday night without telling me and sent ds to stay in his grandmothers house.

I found out by putting a few things together. Spoke to her about it and she said it was girls from work. I got jealous and asked her to tell me if there was someone else. Said there isn't. Said she sent ds to MIL as arrangements had already been made.

Had a talk where she told me things that I did/didn't do when married that annoyed her....things she didn't mention at the time ....don't know how I was supposed to deal with things in the marriage when I wasn't even told.

WABU what's eating you?

You weren't BU no but if communication has broken down in a relationship it can be hard to tackle things that bother you at the time. It's difficult to comment without knowing what the climate was like between you at the time tbh. As for her going out and not telling you, how would you have reacted if she'd told you beforehand? Would you still have been suspicious? I'm very black and white when it comes to lying (even if by omission) but again it can be hard to broach things if you know it will cause problems. I'm not saying I think she was right just playing devils advocate I suppose.

Pretty sure I'm heading for another depressive episode, got a follow up GP appointment next week so guess I will bite the bullet and ask for some AD's, no point putting it off. It's DGM's funeral on Monday so just concentrating on trying not to sink completely until that's over with for now tbh. Hope things look up for you soon userf, know things are tough for you right now

hiding thanks for that, re dw going out, I'm not sure if I would have been suspicious...I probably would have been...just because dw is being so...idk uncaring and not making any attempt to get relationship to work....at the same time I'm wondering why she couldn't send ds to me (I live closer than her mother). I'm also not sure what dw wants, she says relationship is over, no going back etc, but still gets teary when we talk at times. Still has her fb status as married and although has told close friends hasn't made it public knowledge.

Re not speaking to me about things Aibu to think it's not fair to tell someone things that annoyed you, cite them as a reason to split without having had a chance to work on them ?

Re the episode that you think is coming, why do you think that? Are there any triggers that you can avoid? I know my brother had issues at this time of the year due to seasonal Affective disorder and less natural light available, he got a light box, and although not a miracle cure it did help him.

I found ADs a pain in the arse but I'm not used to taking tablets. I was on fluoxetine (Prozac) last year - hated the first couple of weeks.

I don't really mind the AD's, I know what to expect and which ones work for me by now and a short course has been enough the last couple of times I've needed them. I think my Nan dying is the main trigger this time, I don't think I've fully worked out an alternative coping strategy yet, I just got shitfaced in times of stress in the past so coping without doing that is still a new one on me. I've suffered with depression for years on and off so AD's are nothing new, weirdly I don't seem to need them for such long periods now I'm clean so I guess that's progress! Losing Nan was sudden and drawn out at the same time which has been difficult. She had a massive stroke and was pretty much unresponsive straight away so she was gone in terms of being able to interact with us but she lived in that state for 3 months so it's been a strange kind of limbo for a while which has taken its toll.

The situation with DW must be really hard on you, it seems like there's so much that's unresolved between you from what you've said. There's obviously feelings still there on both sides which must make her unwillingness to work at things really frustrating and upsetting for you. It almost sounds like you're in limbo too and I know that's a hard place to be. I would hazard a guess she didn't send DS to you because it was easier to not tell you she was going out, I can understand why that would have upset you but I guess I can also understand her not wanting to feel she had to explain where she was going or who with. I obviously can't say whether you had cause to be suspicious but I can see it would be hard not to be if she's being cold towards you generally. It does sound as though you're getting slightly mixed messages from her which doesn't seem very fair but from your perspective I doubt any of us would want to give up on someone we love unless we were really sure it was over.

Sorry to hear about DGM, sometimes I think that a long drawn out sickness is better as you get to say goodbye, but not when essentially the person is living in a shell and not able to communicate etc - it's almost as if they have died but are clinging on to say a final goodbye.

My own father died suddenly at 56 from a heart attack, so sudden that I tried unsuccessful (obviously) CPR before the ambulance arrived.

The brother who completed suicude suffered depression for years and had been alcoholic beforehand - that was a long drawn out death - he had been suffering for years too.

Re DW I am getting mixed messages, we have been under a lot of stress for the past number of years- a work disciplinary thing I have hanging over me for 30 months, issues with dsd, me drinking to escape that, dw then hurt herself in work and went to half pay.....the thing is a lot of it is now sorting itself out and i genuinely think we could finally be happy

Just wanted to say hi to Wind and indeed anyone else who finds this thread helpful and uplifting.

Hope you're doing ok, you're still very much in my thoughts

Has anyone heard from wind recently, i sent her a pm earlier in the week but heard nothing back. I miss Wind

Hi all, sorry to hear you're struggling hiding user and walker.
wind I'm hoping your disappearance means you're busy writing your blockbuster to save me from the drivel I read now.
No words of wisdom, just I'm thinking of you all

It's amazing to see such strong support and understanding on this thread. I am very worried about Wind though - this is a cruel and powerful disease. We are always here if you want to talk.

Last thing I want to do is pressure you Wind but I'm getting really worried about you now. If there's any way you can let one of us know you're ok I'd really appreciate it.

As hiding says would be good to know if you're ok . How are you doing hiding? Hope you got the help you needed last week