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Original poster

Boyfriend spending £200 week at Pub!!

55 replies

sunnydays2099 · 01/11/2016 21:22

I have been with my bf for 2 years and he has always been a drinker but when we first met we both were going out 4 nights a weeks but now we are both renting together and life has become more real to me.
He drives a taxi so he does 9 or 10 hours a day but goes straight to the pub after and gets back at midnight EVERY night!
Every week he is paying a huge tab and promises to stop going so much but never stops. He contributes quite little to bills just enough to cover his own and thats it.

He has booked a chistmas holiday to tenerife this dec and tries to make me feel bad that he is having to work hard so he should relax there if he wants.
I don't think £800 month at pub and being lonely all time is a reason to relax.

OP posts:
helenatroy · 01/11/2016 22:04

Pub owners have always given credit to drinkers like him. I remember years ago men
Coming into the pub I worked in. They always came alone and palled up with others who drank in a similar way. They'd buy each other drinks and lend each other money with it seemed limited loyalty to each other. Frequently one of more of them would be so drunk they would behave in an inappropriate way. We'd complain to the owner and he'd say ah! So and so he means no harm and he's a good drinker. I used to wonder what kind of lives the people waiting at home for them would have. Some of them would have a lot of cash and stay till it was spent.

There was one guy in particular, well spoken and well turned out and almost completely silent when sober. Drunk he was a vomiting abusive mess. One of my colleges had a particular problem with him and she lost her job over it. They were there seven nights a week and would send a postcard if they ever went on holiday. They never seemed to be single, how on earth that was I'll never know. It taught me a valuable lesson and that was to body swerve that type.

He won't change! He doesn't want to. So unless you want to spend your holiday in some terrible bar in Tenerife, I'd say no to this holiday and move on from him too. Nothing to be gained there. Sad but it's the way some people live their lives.

Myusernameismyusername · 01/11/2016 22:08

When I worked in a pub a guy threw a bottle at us behind the bar and smashed all the optics. Wasn't barred. Still had a tab. It's a weird culture.

By the by, you need to leave. He sounds awful.

Original poster
sunnydays2099 · 01/11/2016 22:15

@Helenatroy

Yes he is that exact type he rather spend his waking hours with those regulars at the pub like a drinking club and people seem to like him there because they think he is harmless. Whether he is an alcoholic or not doesn't bother them..why should it?
I know he is no good for me but its amazing how your better judgement of someone can get distorted and I have made so many excuses for his behaviour with drink and money and now I just feel like everyone I know is just staring at me waiting for me to make that move.

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 01/11/2016 22:18

Who is on your tenancy

helenatroy · 01/11/2016 22:21

Good luck with the move sunny. You know it's the right thing. Other posters are right the landlord will be fine. Just call him and explain your situation in as much or little detail as you want. I always think November if a good time to make life changes.

Original poster
sunnydays2099 · 01/11/2016 22:32

Yes and its also my birthday this month. Will spend it with family as I can't be this lonley forever.

OP posts:
helenatroy · 01/11/2016 22:34

Good luck with it all.

Original poster
sunnydays2099 · 01/11/2016 22:35

@Myusernameismyusername

Just me on tenency unfortunately but he wont move out so I guess I will have to and find someone to take over mine if landlord permits. He could never afford it he is better off in a shared house its where he was when we first met but I thought he would be gratefull getting out of there into his own place kinda thing. But he is too set in his ways and sadly too arrogant to get help.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunnydays2099 · 01/11/2016 22:36

Thanks all. X

OP posts:
Isawthepigsfly · 01/11/2016 22:39

If it's just you on the tenancy kick him out. Pack his stuff when he is working, change the lock and see you later. Done.

Original poster
sunnydays2099 · 01/11/2016 22:44

@Isawthepigsfly

Hi, yes that is also an option.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 01/11/2016 22:47

Could you afford to live alone?

ImperialBlether · 01/11/2016 22:49

Hang on, it was your home to start with? Then don't even think of leaving - that's up to him to do.

Original poster
sunnydays2099 · 01/11/2016 22:57

Yes its true it is mine but same time want a fresh start maybe move back with my family for a bit just to get myself back again as he has emotionally drained me and financially too.
If I can get someone to take over thats what I will do.

OP posts:
GrinchyMcGrincherson · 01/11/2016 22:58

If he isn't on tenancy get him out. He can use the £800 he's pissing up the wall to pay rent.

He could never afford it he is better off in a shared house its where he was when we first met but I thought he would be gratefull getting out of there into his own place kinda thing.

Sounds like he won't much care since he spends his time in a car or the pub. If you suspect he's over the limit when he's driving in the morning do everyone a favour and report him. Drink driving makes him a danger to anyone on the roads. I'm amazed he's still got hold of a license if he's drinking until so late then driving each morning.

DontMindMe1 · 02/11/2016 17:26

To put it into perspective, he's not a 'big drinker' - he an ALCOHOLIC. He is an addict and has just swapped one form of addiction (gambling) for another (alcohol).

His addictions dictate his routines and lifestyle. He won't change unless he wants to.

For him throwing money at things is a lot easier than doing the hard work of tackling his demons and working on your relationship.

All you need to do is give him notice to move out - a month or so. If he refuses then he can easily be removed by the landlord/police.
He has no rights to the property.
Don't let him use emotional blackmail or co-dependent behaviour to keep you with him. He needs to take responsibility for himself.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 02/11/2016 18:23

sunny I totally get why you would want a fresh start back near your family after giving your tenancy over to someone else, assuming your landlord agrees. It's a great plan. It will take a while though.

You could get rid of the alcoholic bf tonight. Or if you are feeling generous and you trust him, you could tell him the relationship is over and he has a week to pack his stuff and move out. If he refuses you put his stuff outside and put the chain on (or change the locks). Any trouble and you call the police, who will remove him and make him give the keys back.

I believe you can change the locks provided you tell the landlord and give him/her a key.

QueenLizIII · 02/11/2016 19:09

£800 a month on drink? That's rent or a mortgage in some places
what a waste of money.

didnt you know that when you moved in?

Original poster
sunnydays2099 · 02/11/2016 19:33

@QueenLizlll Yes his drinking is alot linked to self loathing but he turns a blind eye to people that have financially helped him including myself but that pity has turned into hatred now. He is so casual about money he throws away in there. He says he's crazy and his moodswings next day are a mixture of apologies and short temper/snappy attitude towards me.
When we first got together I was also in a bad place being bipolar I was recovering from a manic episode just months before but quickly did realise how bad his spending was (he blew £8000 in one night at ladbrokes)
Guess his charm and kindness won me over and I stuck with him. But after that which was serious I told him to move in with me thinking atleast he still has fulltime work, and he was covincing me he would never gamble again which he has cut down alot but still an alcoholic! Bad move in hindsight. Not everyone wants to change for better.

OP posts:
helenatroy · 02/11/2016 19:37

And right there Sunny is why men like like can get decent women to fall for them.

FruitCider · 02/11/2016 19:41

He's drinking 50-60 pints a week, 150-180 units every bloody week. At best he is only sober for 18 hours a week. Frankly, I've detoxed street alcoholics who drink less.

Run, run for the hills and don't look back!

Original poster
sunnydays2099 · 02/11/2016 20:01

Yes between 50/60 week is accurate. Its disgusting!

@helenatroy
Its sad because I feel I have dragged my mum into this relationship as she has bailed him out with insuarance money totalling (£2000)
Feel like an idiot and embarrased to go home. Like a disappointment to her!

Since I left hospital 2 years ago I havent built my life up instead I got dragged down by meeting him. I'm impulsive when I meet someone.
Never again

OP posts:
helenatroy · 02/11/2016 21:08

Don't be embarrassed far better to cut your losses now. The breakup of a relationship is nothing to be ashamed of it's sadly a fact of life. Staying with him would be a life sentence. Give notice on your flat and go home. It seems to be what you really want to do Lick your wounds and carry on. You have so much to be proud of. You came through a traumatic experience with class and humility. There is always life at the end of the tunnel. I left an abusive relationship and am married to a lovely man, on Friday I'm having his baby (c section).

You'll make it up to your mother one day whether it's treating her when finances improve or by simply by living well. She sounds fantastic and all you did was give a relationship a damm good try. I'm a hopeless romantic too and would probably have been just the same.

Take care.

helenatroy · 02/11/2016 21:10

Light at the end of the tunnel.

gillybeanz · 02/11/2016 21:14

OP, he's a loser. That money or at least a proportion should be going to his child, not the pub. The rest should be paying for his bills.
Crap dad, crap partner, gambler and alcoholic.
What a catch.