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Original poster

What happens if a 17 year old is kicked out of home?

94 replies

AllieLove · 01/11/2016 18:17

What happens?

OP posts:

Original poster

AllieLove · 01/11/2016 23:32

Well she's an ex friend really we don't exactly see each other anymore otherwise I'd talk to her (I'll try to anyway). Yes she's here with me for tonight and I'll do whatever I can to help that's why I asked as wasn't sure what to do.

OP posts:

Manumission · 01/11/2016 23:35

That's good. for you.

ButtonLoon · 01/11/2016 23:40

You can call Shelter for advice and ring your local council ASAP. You may also have specialist homeless services for young people depending on your location.

RubyWren · 02/11/2016 00:34

This happened to my daughter's 16yo best friend. She stayed with us for a few weeks, but we didn't have the space for her to stay permanently. We went straight to the council and school. The school knew the family history and immediately got SS and CAMHS involved, who talked to her mother. They then spoke up for her to the council and verified her need for safe and secure housing as being genuine, and CAMHS stayed on the council's case until she was found somewhere to go. She was placed in a scheme where a local family housed her, like a foster scheme for vulnerable teenagers.

Talk to the council and school and Shelter ASAP, and if she's had any CAMHS involvement in the past, talk to them too. CAMHS get knocked a lot, but they were brilliant when she needed someone with authority to stand up to the council jobsworths.

Offred · 02/11/2016 06:57

Fake - you were homeless in 1984. It is a different world now. I also think it is different because you planned to leave and clearly knew what to do.

Allie - yes, make sure SS are aware, send her to CAB for help with benefits and advocacy.

Hepzibar · 02/11/2016 07:08

Is the girl in education? Wonder if she has dropped out or been excluded from college?
If she's not in education or training then her mum won't receive any benefits or get a reduction in council tax. That might account for the wanting her to pay.
There will be more to this.

Manumission · 02/11/2016 07:32

There will be more to this

How do you mean Hep?

fakenamefornow · 02/11/2016 07:57

I also think it is different because you planned to leave and clearly knew what to do.

I didn't plan to leave, and I didn't know what to do, I learned what to do. Agreed though, it was a different world, as soon as I was 16 I was able to claim benefits including HB that was actually enough to cover my rent.

Offred · 02/11/2016 09:24

Well you clearly did know what to do though, you knew that you could get help and you found a way to get it. I assumed 'I left' meant you weren't kicked out.

When it happened to me I had no clue there were homeless shelters or benefits.

Offred · 02/11/2016 09:26

I hung about on the street and was directed to the outlet of the air conditioning for a hotel that blew warm air by a homeless street sleeper. I got illegal work and hung around in pubs to get warm (and drunk) and tried to go home with random men for a bed... with obvious consequences...

BratFarrarsPony · 02/11/2016 09:28

Could I just say that if the mother is asking the teen to pay her way, this is probably because the teen is NEET which means that the mother has had her money cut. for people close to the breadline, this could be enough to push them over the edge.

Stitchsmum · 02/11/2016 09:28

Seems to depend on where abouts in the country you are. We have a teenager living with us under a scheme known as Support Lodgings. It's for homeless teenagers who are estranged from their families. My area seems to have lots of provision for these kids. I hope you can help her to get things sorted

BratFarrarsPony · 02/11/2016 09:29

My area has nothing like that.
I know because i kicked my son out.

Offred · 02/11/2016 09:36

A 16/17 year old will find a way to cope with it but it is virtually pot luck as to what way they find to cope with it. They are very dependent on getting the right advice and support IMO.

MatildaTheCat · 02/11/2016 09:39

Whether she stays with you or pays has nothing to do with her mother. If you can afford it and are happy to have her then do so.

If you would have her but cannot afford to then call Shelter for advice as there may be a way of obtaining money from SS but they won't want to give it to you.

If you cannot keep her then also call Shelter and they will advise on the best way forward with Housing and SS. If they sense that she could stay with you they will do all they can to push the problem onto you so unfortunately she may have to present with her bags and literally nowhere to go.

All of that is assuming she hasn't either made up with her mum or got another reletive to house her. SS or the housing dept really are the last resort.

Manumission · 02/11/2016 09:59

Yes the cuts are awful.

I think what lots of us would find difficult to comprehend (if money really IS the main reason) is the idea that, finding yourself near the edge, you would push your 17 year old over the precipice and let them go knocking on doors looking for a bed, rather than all stick together and eat plain pasta. I'm looking at this as the mother of a 17yo DD now.

Manumission · 02/11/2016 10:01

Offred that's truly fucking awful. You poor sod

I hope things are better for you now.

Offred · 02/11/2016 10:07

Yes, manumission. Much, much better. I graduate on Friday having got a degree in law as a mature student with 4 kids. I have one with SEN who is struggling and not in school ATM. I started the degree when my twins were one to avoid the new fees system so I am extremely proud I have achieved it!

It however has affected my entire life - crippling anxiety and depression, a number of abusive relationships and 4 kids I have largely been left to deal with alone (though xh spends time with them all he is a useless fucker who just wants to have them for control and xp is worse than useless).

Also when I spoke to my mum about what degree to do and said I was thinking law she said "oh I don't think you are clever enough to do that". It was the main reason I picked that course so she has ended up (inadvertently) giving me the best gift ever because as soon as I started my first year I realised I loved it and am good at it and it has given me a real hope for the future!

Offred · 02/11/2016 10:09

But yes, just getting back on my feet now really at 32.

Offred · 02/11/2016 10:11

And my parents were far from on the breadline. Both doctors, both working in medicine and academia/the civil service with excellent salaries, and a 6 bed house.

Partly why I had no clue benefits and homeless shelters existed.

Manumission · 02/11/2016 10:12

Oh well done!

An LLB can't be an easy ride even without babies in the mix.

Your DM sounds nasty.

Sofabitch · 02/11/2016 10:17

She needs to go to the council. They will have links to charity's that support homeless young people. Around here there is supported accommodation for young people. With staff around but they live independently.

She will need to prove estrangement but then she should get income support whilst at college or JSA if she is looking for work.

Offred · 02/11/2016 10:17

They are both nasty!

They were very abusive. I got depressed as a teen and ill. My mum used to buy me alcohol to 'help me sleep' so I started drinking in the day to cope. Inevitably got kicked out of college because they wanted us all to do oxford/Cambridge and I could barely cope with getting out of bed.

my dad wanted £60 per week 'because that is how much it costs to keep you in this house' and used to shout and rage at me 'what have you done today to enrich the world with your presence?!'.

Awful parents.

Offred · 02/11/2016 10:20

Was still not better to be kicked out though - because I did not get the right support. I was a forgotten about child.

So, Allie what you need to do I think is keep in contact with her. Make sure she has the right people helping her and gets the support she is entitled to and learns the right ways to cope.

Offred · 02/11/2016 10:21

The council will try to wash their hands of her I think. She needs some kind of advocate, there may be a local advocacy service, CAB would know.

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