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Original poster

ILs keep buying clothes for dd- I feel really ungrateful but.....

70 replies

angel30 · 10/02/2007 21:37

My mil and sil keep buying clothes for my dd, however they only buy things that are reduced and therefore quite often they are really odd combinations or the wrong season ( eg they recently gave us lots of thin, cotton summer trousers )
I feel really really bad for feeling ungrateful.
Its just we end up with pile of clothes that she'll never wear.
I also feel bad as they must wonder why they never see her in the things they have bought.
Sometimes they buy things that are so not my taste that I can't bring myself to dress her in them.
I get all of her clothes from high street shops, I would never spend loads on them however it seems that my idea of what I want her to wear is massively removed from theirs.
What can I do ? I don't want to hurt their feelings but I wish they'd stop spending their money on things that just aren't getting worn.
If only they just mentioned to me that they wanted to buy something for her then I could point them in the direction of some things that she needs.

Actually I think maybe I am just being really ungrateful.

OP posts:
wrinklytum · 22/02/2007 20:14

Ooh,I have this.TBH to keep the peace,as MIL is generally fab,I put them on the dcs when visiting.Though they are not my taste!

frenchleave · 23/02/2007 09:12

I'm no style queen, but I really didn't know what to do with the red fleecy lumberjack shirt and faux leather elasticated tie set my daughter was given when she was 2. I think I managed to say "thank you, it's really, um, fun"

Runninglate · 23/02/2007 09:43

OMG this is hilarious!!! My DD is only 2 months old and so far we have got off fairly lightly. We are flying over to MIL in 4 weeks time and I just know I'm going to have to keep a straight face. I thought I might mention in one of my emaails that we have been inundated with clothes for her (which is true), although I guess much will have been bought already!

olivo · 23/02/2007 10:07

pmsl at some of these but probably because it is very close to home! i have exchanged some clothes if i know where they are from but otherwise, i put dd in them for visits to people who bought them or she wears them when we aare not going out

oh and i made it really clear that she isnt a dress wearing girl, just like her mummy!

(oh, and some of the things she was given as a newborn were passed on to other newborns if i knew i wouldnt see the people who sent them!)

oopsiedoopsie · 23/02/2007 11:31

dont underestimate the usefulness of the 'atomic destructive poo' excuse

Sparkletastic · 23/02/2007 12:16

Sooo comforting to hear of others' suffering!! My MIL brings me oodles of unsuitable sale bargains for DD2 (stiff frilly baby dresses etc) and sackfuls of disgusting chav-wear from her neighbour - hot pink full-length fun fur coat for DD1 (3yrs) was the most recent atrocity. Some things I stick on the girls for our rare Sunday lunch excursions to ILs but most go straight in the charity bag. MIL occasionally comments about wanting to see them in something and I usually make some feeble excuse about it being too big / small and then hope she forgets about it!

bitzermaloney · 23/02/2007 13:19

My sister's MIL (who is lovely) spent her whole time crocheting from the moment she heard my sis was pregnant, then at the birth presented my new niece with 14 (yes, 14) truly hideous crocheted hats. It's hard enough to dissuade people from buying tasteless stuff, but when they've made it there's a whole other can of worms...

Runninglate · 23/02/2007 13:55

oh don't - you've just reminded me about the 3 homemade pink nylon blankets we were given!!!

becaroo · 23/02/2007 13:59

My ILs have awful taste in baby clothes...I think because in the 1970s she made most of my dh and SILs clothes.
My ds 1st xmas...navy velour romper suit. I didnt even know they made romper suits anymore. And she KNOWS I hate velour!!
From holiday, a knitted blue snow suit complete with pom poms on the hat.
For my SILs wedding she wanted to make him a suit from the bridesmaid material...emerald green satin. Said no.
You are not ungrateful, it is your child and you dress them how you want.

robbosmum · 23/02/2007 14:24

yes i too have a tasteless mil,,,it doesnt help that she hates me and therefore im sure oicks minging stuff that she knows i hate, my mum on the other hand would never buy before 1st xhecking. Even cheap clothes cost too much to waste if you dont use them

andyrobo237 · 23/02/2007 14:27

Yes weh ave suffered the same problem! The minute I announced I was pg my mum picked up her knitting needles and made about 10 cardis in various sizes and colours - lovely in principle but the wool she gets is the most horrible shades of cream and lemon - at lease when it was found to be a boy, the pale blue was ok!

DD has suffered with people buying clothes for her for all her 5 years - but she is sucha fussy madam she won;t wear anything she doesn't like! Fortunately we get a photo of her wearing the item and then get rid!!

deaconblue · 23/02/2007 14:28

It's really difficult. MIL keeps buying stuff for ds that just isn't useful and I feel bad wasting her money but dh has tried to explain she doesn't need to buy stuff every time she sees ds. Examples are blanket when he was 9 months old (why would she think he wouldn't have blankets?) copy of hungry caterpillar (he has two already) and numerous noisy vtech toys which don't seem to have much play value. I just smile and write a thank you note from him.

Booboobedoo · 23/02/2007 14:31

My aunty just turned up today with the most beautiful shawl she'd knitted for my unborn baby. Cream cashmere, no less!

It's too nice for a pukey newborn.

deaconblue · 23/02/2007 14:34

How lovely. Will be fab for covering norks if you decide to breast feed.

newgirl · 23/02/2007 14:53

This has happened to us so many times. I think mils just like to shop and aren't thinking straight. I also think that lots of clothes were a bit of a luxury when they had their kids so bargain clothes are 'wow' to mils.

I would just put your little one in clothes you like and if they ask (i doubt they will) say very nicely 'oh that was very cute but not right for the weather' 'or 'i jus love choosing clothes for dd - its one of the lovely things about being a mum isn't it' so be honest but brief.

and swap anything you like or give it to a charity shop - why ever not? I think very few young mums have the same taste as a mil - practically impossible. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

Summerfruit · 23/02/2007 15:05

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 23/02/2007 15:09

I put them in the Bernardo's bin.

Don't feel guilty.

MIL is constantly giving DD1 junk food we don't approve of, so we hide it from her and eat it ourselves .

sweetkitty · 23/02/2007 15:10

It's my Mother here when I announced I was pregnant she went and bought loads of baby clothes from the car boot stalls, think nasty polyester mylon sleepsuits you could see through they were so thin. She only bought lemon and mint green loads of mint green even though we knew we were having a girl (she secretly was hoping DD1 would be a boy she thinks girls are second rate). No way were they going near PFB. She still buys loads of nasty clothes from the car boot = straight in the charity shop bag although now and again she buys something from Tesco's which isn't too bad.

Latest thing is horrid toys from the pound shop, fake Barbie's with legs that fall off after 2 minutes and cast hair everywhere, great with 12 mo DD2 around too. And nasty candy sweets too.

belgo · 23/02/2007 15:11

I also have this problem with clothes from my mil. The problem is she gives me absolutely no opportunity to say I don't want them - she tells me how beautiful they are and how lovely they will look on my dds. I have recieved sackfuls of clothes that I really dislike (black bobbly second hand jumpers for example), and I can't even give them back to the second hand shop because there is only one second hand shop where I live, and that's the one mil buys it from in the first place.

I don't have the space for it all, but she gets very offended if I suggest politely that I don't like it (if I tell her I don't need it she gives it to me anyway).

aestheticgirl · 23/02/2007 17:07

Are your sil and mil likely to pick up on subtle hints??

I had to tell my mother that the cheap bibs she bought ds for xmas were no good as they were plastic backed so the poor soul got a hair wash everytime we used them. But that wzas my mum, in-laws are always a bit tricky.

In the meantime, the charity shop will love you ... or possibly not! Good luck

Mirage · 23/02/2007 17:43

I\ think newgirl has a good point.My mum (who doesn't buy nasty clothes BTW) was saying how cheap baby clothes are compared to when I was little.You just couldn't get clothes in supermarkets then & even Ladybird stuff was £4-5 an item in the sale & this was the late 60's early 70's.

So mums from that era probably can't resist buying everything they set eyes on now.Everything must seem like a real bargain to them.

pollydoodle · 23/02/2007 22:19

My mil keeps knitting horrible woolly jumpers and cardigans for my ds. Initially they were all white and my dh got upset that they weren't being worn. Probably had something to do with the fact it was high summer but at least that was a good excuse for them to get lost at the back of the cupboard. {grin]

Now, they are coloured and have patterns on the front - boat (complete with pocket containing knitted sailor doll), football game (and I really don't like football, she knows dh is an ardent rugby fan), you get the idea. All knitted from the original 1950s and 19060s patterns she used for her dc and her other gc and ggc (eldest gc is almost 30 and there are plenty inbetween).

Worst thing is that dh doesn't think they are that bad - probably because he remembers wearing them in his childhood and seeing all his nieces and nephews wearing them. But they are truly grim.

bitzer and andyrobo - I am with you - it is very difficult to know what to say when she is spending time and effort making things that won't get worn.

At least if my mum gets something she knows what I like and usually gets nice stuff - but she always keeps receipts so it can be changed if I don't like it or it doesn't fit. She would be upset if I did keep something that she had got for ds and didn't like whereas mil is completely the opposite.

oops. turned into a bit of a rant. sorry, guess you can tell it has been annoying me!

expatinscotland · 23/02/2007 23:25

Now anything anyone has knitted for my children gets worn . . . LOTS.

And lovingly washed by hand.

And saved for them to pass on, hopefully, to their children.

bigcar · 24/02/2007 09:47

Pollydoodle, great idea for xmas pressie - new knitting patterns and good quality wool?

ThePrisoner · 24/02/2007 13:56

My MIL started buying and saving baby/childrens clothes when her own children were little, in the hope that they would then be worn by her grandchildren. It was not a successful idea.

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