Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive STBXH has called police

77 replies

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 20:33

I'm in the process of leaving my H. He is abusive and violent, and the last few months while we've been separating have been horrendous, I feel pushed to the edge.
We're moving the week after next. Today H took DCs out so I could pack. He came home in a foul mood and started ranting that I hadn't done enough packing, and accusing me of having been with a man. There is no OM but H has refused to believe this and repeatedly accuses me of an affair. I lost it this evening and shouted at him, and swore. He did too. Some of this was in front of DCs, which I feel awful about. When they went to bed he started again - he had said I could choose which books go to each of us, then came in and said I was taking all the good ones - I had specifically checked about some before deciding. I felt I was losing it again and tried to leave to go for a walk, but couldn't find my keys. He had had them earlier and when I asked for them said he'd had the kids all day so I had to look after them now, and went out. He came in 15 min later and said he had called the police and told them I had thrown a punch at him! Which is a total lie. I'm downstairs and he's upstairs, I'm waiting for police to arrive. It's like living through a nightmare, please help me through this.

OP posts:
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 21:34

That's the date for selling our house and buying separate properties, it is as quick as I can move unfortunately.

OP posts:
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 21:47

Well it's been an hour and a half and no police - as someone said they would have come as priority given the history so it was clearly bullshit. I'm in bed trying to warm up and stop shaking. Only 12 days and I will be out of this mess and make a life for myself and DCs. Thank you for being there for me this evening.

OP posts:
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 22:17

He did call the police, and they're on their way. I'm getting dressed again now.

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 29/10/2016 22:21

Keep calm Elisa, and keep remembering the final goal here. Getting the hell away from the bastard. Wink

HedgehogHedgehog · 29/10/2016 22:23

yes the most important thing is to keep calm. Youve done nothing wrong. They are just coming because they have to investigate not because they certainly believe him. Just calmly explain to them what actually happened. will be thinking of you xxxxxxxx

Cucumber5 · 29/10/2016 22:26

Oh op. What an awful man. Just explain what's happened. He's lying as its getting to crunch time with the house situation.

Cucumber5 · 29/10/2016 22:27

Yes stay calm op.

Is there anyway you can take the kids and stay with friends or family for the remaining fortnight?

DeleteOrDecay · 29/10/2016 22:32

No advice but I just wanted to say good luck. The police will have heard and seen it all before so just explain to them what has happened, no doubt they will see right through his pack of lies and he will end up looking like a prize pillock for calling them out in the first place.

PickAChew · 29/10/2016 22:36

If they thought you had put him into any sort of danger, they wouldn't have taken so long to respond.

You know the next couple of weeks are likely to be the most dangerous of your life? If the worst comes to the worst, you need to find somewhere safe to stay before the house sale completes, even if it's someone's sofa. Solicitor can sort out your cut of the house. Books are mere paper. He can have the lot if he really gives that much of a shit about them (which he really doesn't).

Use this time with the police to your benefit. If he becomes aggressive while you're telling them like it is, then he'll soon be out of your hair.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 22:38

Thanks all. He's quite enjoying it, said now I know how it feels. Bastard. I'm really tired, was up last night with DC who had a nappy leak. No idea how long it will take for police to arrive, it's Saturday ight with fireworks everywhere.

OP posts:
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 22:39

I really appreciate your support Flowers

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 29/10/2016 22:39

Remain calm, if you have copies of any papers regarding the previous police calls have them to hand to show them. Be honest with the police about his behaviour and if you currently fear for your safety, tell them that too.

mysistersimone · 29/10/2016 22:45

What an evil man. Do you have any friends or family to support you?

Cucumber5 · 29/10/2016 22:47

Has he definitely called the police? Or is he winding you up?

Mrs2ndbest · 29/10/2016 22:49

He's winding her up. Emotionally abusive idiot.

Offred · 29/10/2016 22:49

I'm almost hoping that he has called them and that his smug smile is wiped off his face when he is arrested for wasting police time...

DixieNormas · 29/10/2016 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 23:12

He did call, they rang back but his reception was bad. He rang 101 to say it was all calm now, they said a car was already on its way. Sat and waited a while longer and now I'm in bed. Don't know if they will come or not now but I need to try to get some sleep. He's been threatening me and bringing up lots of things he read on my phone. Utter arsehole. He really thinks he's the victim because my friends have been supportive to me. I'm so exhausted with his abusive crap.

OP posts:
confuugled1 · 29/10/2016 23:14

Can you record things on your phone - either a video (don't need to see pictures so long as you can hear what's going on or just audio (advantage is it takes less space).

Even if you just have your phone in your pocket and you record the audio all the time, just stopping and restarting when you get a chance so the. File sizes don't get too big. That way if he does anything stupid or dangerous or incriminating you will have it on record.

flowers stay safe and work out your plans for things like keeping your phone and keys and money or credit cards on you at all times so you can both escape if necessary and so he can"t hold you to ransom by taking them from you. Would it be worth getting a £5 basic phone with long battery life (and a numver he doesn't know) as an extra one to keep on you for safety reasons and also making sure your dc know how to call the police in case of an emergency or him becoming abusive?

kittybiscuits · 29/10/2016 23:19

This is standard abusive endgame behaviour from your ex. It may get worse and please do not feel that you can't call the police yourself just because he is an arsehole and has called them and told lies. You may need friends to come round for practical and moral support, and to moderate his behaviour. Good advice above! Be safe x

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 23:26

confuugled I did have some recordings, I have just checked and they have been deleted Angry. I am so angry that he went through my phone, it's such a violation of my private space. He absolutely doesn't see this, he actually described the conversations I've had with friends since I told him it's over, as abusive towards him and him being bullied! He's fucking delusional.

OP posts:
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 29/10/2016 23:27

Sadly I don't feel I can invite close friends as he has read their messages and I don't trust him not to behave abusively towards them.

OP posts:
Natsku · 29/10/2016 23:34

Please be strong, its so hard to leave an abusive man, I'd strongly suggest getting out to somewhere safe as soon as you can instead of waiting for the house sale to go through. If the police do turn up tell them everything, make sure its all on record.

HedgehogHedgehog · 29/10/2016 23:39

this is a common tactic of an abuser. That they will try and make you feel their behaviour towards you is somehow your fault. Tell the police when they come what he did to your phone, tell them everything.
And i agree with pp, get out of there asap. xxxxx

kittybiscuits · 29/10/2016 23:43

Ah yes - I also remember being shouted at and called an abusive bully for weeks when ex was leaving the house. The only thing that matters is the safety of you and your DCs. His feelings are irrelevant and he will blame you and be abusive however hard you try to be fair.