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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it possible to start at 50?

40 replies

Severino · 26/10/2016 22:06

I split from DH earlier this year - for many reasons. Am definitely much happier without him. He was controlling, mildly abusive and did not make me happy. I felt I was treading on egg shells all the time, lost all self confidence etc.
I have a very loving and supportive family, but no friends really. I don't know why, I think I've just been too introvert and have no confidence that people will be interested in me. My confidence has definitely improved since being on my own. I have had counselling and certainly feel better about myself. But how do I start again now? I don't want a partner, I'd just like to make a life for myself. We have young children, the youngest being only 7 so I'm quite busy with them but I do want to do something for myself and have people to do things with. But surely everyone else my age already has friends and not waiting around to make more? Is it possible to start a social life at my age?

OP posts:
WorriedWife2016 · 26/10/2016 22:09

Yes it is , I am now on my own after 25 yrs together two teens, I am on the front coping but really struggling, but yes your not alone starting again.
Let's look forward to it x

DraughtyWindow · 26/10/2016 22:18

I'm 50, on my own, have a teen DD. I honestly wouldn't have time for a relationship these days! There are always new people to meet and make friends with... regardless of how old you are! You just need to get yourself out there.... do you have any hobbies? Are there clubs/organisations you could join? Or you could organise a fund-raising event? Do what you enjoy and your passion will allow you to engage with people without you having to try IYSWIM? Honestly, there are loads of opprtunities out there - sometimes you just have to look for them. Make a list of all the things you enjoy doing, then take it from there! You CAN do it! Smile

Pestilence13610 · 26/10/2016 22:28

Yes it is.
Find a hobby you really fancy, sign up for a community thing you believe in. If you do something you like you will find people you have something in common with and that is what makes friends.

DraughtyWindow · 26/10/2016 22:33

^^ Agree. It's all about having a positive outlook too.

Humblebee1 · 26/10/2016 22:45

Of course its possible! Good wishes to you for a very happy and fulfilling future. Your hardly old.Smile, especially these days.

Original poster
Severino · 26/10/2016 22:49

😊 thank you!
I have just signed up for the London Marathon next year so will need to join a runnning club I think, to keep me motivated. It's the 'making friends' bit in worried about, but I am in a much more positive place so hopefully I may have more luck.....

OP posts:
Lymmmummy · 26/10/2016 22:50

Yes😄

Do you have any hobbies you can take up?

There is also quite a good social group called spice with branches nationally or there are local meet up groups via facebook or google them

Am excited on your behalf for all your new adventures X

donajimena · 26/10/2016 22:53

I started one of those mysterious MN hobbies a year ago. I have actually made genuine friendships from it. I'm 44 but some are in their 70's and made genuine friendships too!

I've done similar things over the years but this particular group has been the best 'fit' for me so I guess I am saying try lots of different things even if on the face of it they seem quite similar.
I'm also in a happy relationship (around 20 months) so life is good but I value my 'hobby' friends because I know through experience that relationships come and go.. although I hope this one doesn't go!
So yes you can most definitely start over! I started living again in the last two years. .. I'm also a lone parent

Sinkingfeeling · 26/10/2016 23:05

Flowers Severino. Wine too. I'm a registrar and have married lots of people in their sixties, seventies, eighties and even nineties who didn't think they would make a life for themselves again after the death of a partner or a difficult split. Lots of them say that they were never looking to marry again but starting meeting people by being generally open and friendly - chatting to neighbours and people at the bus stop, not turning down invitations, doing a hobby or class or starting a new job. You sound lovely and will make friends the more you put yourself out there.

Original poster
Severino · 26/10/2016 23:49

Thank you Sinkingfeeling, and everyone. I feel really encouraged by all your words. My main focus is my children as we can be so much more relaxed at home now and I am loving being a better mum to them. But have never had a life for me and I think that's important too.
You are making me believe it is not too late 😊

OP posts:
wasninah · 27/10/2016 00:14

Well I hope it isn't! I'm just about to leave my job and look for something else. I have met a number of very good friends throughout my 40s when I relocated as a lone parent with the dc, and am always open to meeting more. I've just started spin classes. In my head I am still 20 with it all ahead. I like my life.

adora1 · 27/10/2016 10:49

Most definitely, 50 is not classed as old anymore, your mid way through your life so plenty living to do.

As above, get involved in hobbies, classes and enjoy yourself, sounds like you deserve it now.

faffalotty · 27/10/2016 11:02

I'm in a similar position, recently separated, teenaged kids and not really got any friends. I've joined a few MeetUp groups and going to see how those go. I think you've just got to get and in situations where you can meet people and hopefully click with some.

I think it's easy to meet people when you've got a baby or young children, through them - but harder once they're older.

faffalotty · 27/10/2016 11:04

oops, just realised you have a 7 year old. Can you get involved with parents at the school? I helped with the 'friends of' the school when mine were that age and it was a great way to hang out with other people - although admittedly none became close friends

pregnantat50 · 27/10/2016 11:09

. But surely everyone else my age already has friends and not waiting around to make more? It certainly is possible to make friends at 50, people who already have friends often move towns, or change jobs etc and make new acquaintances that lead to new friendships and others are in your situation, coming out of a relationship and wanting to start afresh. Seriously you will find loads of people who would welcome someone just like you into their friendship circle.

I am 51 and like yourself come out of a relationship and lean more on my family (and mn) for support but I have made a point of having conversations with people whenever I get the chance and joined a bridge group. I catch the bus to work each day and have started chatting to a lady there who regularly catches the same one, she has just suggested we get together for coffee after discovering we share a lot of common interests (she is also newly single and wants friendship)..

When your children are with their dad, make that the time you go to a new club or activity it is scary but soon your social group will open up naturally , sending you hugs xx

pregnantat50 · 27/10/2016 11:14

Just remembered another two ways I made a couple of friends,

I attended a training course in my town and bonded with another lady on the same course (we had a very similar sense of humour) , we exchanged FB details after the week was up and added each other and regularly meet up.

I joined a slimming group and met a couple of lovely ladies that lived near me. Another shared bond and support network is forming between us.

So many people to meet and fun to be had OP, 6 months from now you will have made at least one new friend I promise you xx

DonaldStott · 27/10/2016 16:45

My dad died when my mum was 50. He was a bit of an ea bastard. She has met and remarried a man who adores her (remarried at 68) and they have literally travelled the world together. My mums life BEGAN at 50.

ohdearme1958 · 27/10/2016 17:18

OP, I've been seperated for 3 years. I'm 58 and married when I was 18.

pregnantat50 · 27/10/2016 18:33

what a lovely happy ending DonaldStott x

Original poster
Severino · 28/10/2016 04:49

Thanks everyone 😊
I think I'm feeling quite excited at a new start, especially as you have all been so positive... Am on my second night of insomnia - literally waiting/hoping for children to wake up now as this is the time I can get worried/sad/scared, and really helps to read your messages.

OP posts:
cauliflowercheese14 · 28/10/2016 06:22

Agree with doing things you've always wanted to do / try and you'll meet new friends along the way. We gain and lose friends all the way through life and it seems the best way is to pursue your interests and you'll meet like minded people.

cauliflowercheese14 · 28/10/2016 06:23

(Also hope you got some sleep!)

Original poster
Severino · 28/10/2016 06:26

No sleep 😞
I will struggle all day to keep my eyes open. But come night time I can't keep them closed or my mind still.

OP posts:
whattheseithakasmean · 28/10/2016 06:31

If you join something like a running club, you will make friends if you give it time. It takes me ages to make friends, but in any club or activity, if you go for a year or two regularly, you actually cannot avoid getting to know people and ending up getting involved, to the extent I bet you will eventually find you hardly have time to keep up with people. So don't rush it, just enjoy your running and it will naturally flow with time. Good luck.

pregnantat50 · 28/10/2016 08:23

Good Morning Severino What plans do you have for today? As its half term why not take the children out somewhere, maybe get some materials to make Halloween Decorations.

Another thought about the friend situation...have you considered having little gathering, with maybe the neighbours or the mums from school? I used to host jewellery partys, just another suggestion for getting out there and making contact with people.

Hope you have a lovely day

x