Is it possible to start at 50?

[Severino]

I split from DH earlier this year - for many reasons. Am definitely much happier without him. He was controlling, mildly abusive and did not make me happy. I felt I was treading on egg shells all the time, lost all self confidence etc.
I have a very loving and supportive family, but no friends really. I don't know why, I think I've just been too introvert and have no confidence that people will be interested in me. My confidence has definitely improved since being on my own. I have had counselling and certainly feel better about myself. But how do I start again now? I don't want a partner, I'd just like to make a life for myself. We have young children, the youngest being only 7 so I'm quite busy with them but I do want to do something for myself and have people to do things with. But surely everyone else my age already has friends and not waiting around to make more? Is it possible to start a social life at my age?

Severino, Im sure that horrible scared/worried/sad feeling is something we can all relate to. I used to fight the insomnia when I was feeling like this but then one night I just thought to hell with this so I got up and filled my time doing quiet things. I would have a cup of camomile tea whilst I was at it and I'd rub my wrists with a Neals Yard roll on lavender type sleep aid - after a wee while I'd manage to go back to bed.

Do you do any exercise apart from running around trying to fit everything into a day?

Sorry to hear you had a bad night. I know what it is like.

But good to hear that you are feeling positive about the future. Hope you have a good day.

Hi Severino, I recently turned 50, (still can't believe that!), and my 32 year relationship ended in January this year, no DC.

I've become closer to my family, which is lovely, but I do live in a different country to them, which is a shame. I live in a village, near a small town, so groups, clubs, and activities are limited. I'd say I'm more introvert, but am happy to spend time with people and don't want to shut myself off. I know people and have chats, but don't have friends, which is a shame. I work from home. I've joined a book club, starting soon, so am hoping that'll be a good start to making friends and finding out about things to do. I've joined the gym, but that's not exactly a group activity! There are no meetup groups in my area, so I'm having to work a bit harder at finding activities. The local animal charity just wants me to foster cats, but I can't do that, as I have 3 of my own, who will not entertain this! So, if you live somewhere there are more opportunities, then go for it and have some fun.

Since my relationship ended, I've realised that it's important to be open to ideas and that it's up to me to make the most of the rest of my life.

Good luck to you and to all of us!

I divorced ex at 55 after 20 years of EA. Met my partner whilst totally not looking, through a hobby. At 57 we are planning our future together.....I'm moving 200 miles away and am looking forward to starting a new life.
My DC's are late teens so I'm in a different position to you OP.
But yes you can start again in your 50s!!

Hope your catching up on some missed sleep OP. Let us know how your day went when you get a chance

x

Crispsheets, brilliant! Wishing you both a very happy future together.

Just wanted to share the love! Lots of lovely posts from many of us just looking for some happiness to call our own after relationship breakdowns. I found it hard at first to even know what I liked, after 20years with someone I moulded together with his ideas, style etc and compromised alot I found. I struggled with things like what colours I liked, wallpaper that sorta thing where I had let his views clearly over influence mine. It took me ages to decide what I liked, but it has been great finding out and feeling like me again. Friends, social groups, family all fantastic and I wish everyone well with your new happier lives x

For me my new life began two years ago at 45 .

Still getting used to the uncertainty of it, but it does feel like an adventure. I've had to rethink everything and it feels a bit like spring cleaning. Lots of cobwebs gone. Looking back I think the circumstances of my marriage had also led me to get gradually more introverted. This has forced me to come out of my shell again.

Through one activity (a board games meetup, even though I hate board games ) I made a friend who led me into other activities and am now part of an improv theatre group. Not really my scene at all either, I thought, but actually the people are great and it's almost a kind of life coaching thing. If I were still married I'd still be sitting on the settee waiting for my husband to finally come home.

The same friend and I are now trying to set up a meetup group - put an ad on a local website looking for people in their late 40s and 50s who wanted to do stuff in the evening (cinema, pub, exhibitions) and got 15 people contacting us within a week, an even mixture of men and women. Most are newly divorced or widowed - seems like there are a lot of us out there.

I had to relocate after threats from my abuser/rapist at the age of 50. I lived for nine months in a women's refuge on benefits. I started volunteering as a journalist which led to working on a radio station (my aim is to present my own show). Through the radio show I met my now partner. At the age of 51 I began living on a houseboat (another dream of mine). It's the best time of my life. You never know where that first step is going to take you.

Severino - I see you are a runner so go along to your local parkrun tomorrow morning . Take your LO with you if you don't have a babysitter.

Remember to sign up first online and print off a barcode

They are brilliant for making new friends and getting advice about all the local running clubs

Wow what a load of positive ideas from you all. You all sound amazing!
Today was/is my birthday so I've had a nice day with my kiddies and went out to meet my parents for lunch. It was beautiful sunshine and we spent a lot of time outside too. Am now heading for bed and hopefully will get some sleep tonight.
It's been so positive hearing your stories - inreally believe it can be done. I do finally believe that I am worth it and my opinions are valid so hopefully I won't let myself be walked over anymore, and meet people who like me for who I am

Yay! Happy Birthday to you. Let's all make the future count. Wish you were all closer, we'd have a ball!!

Of course you can. You seem to be physically free but not psychologically free just yet. Concentrate of being psychologically free and being your true self. You'll discover that people will want to be friends with you. I started again 60+ after 30 year marriage. I am now polyamorous with lots of friends, Married, single and all shapes and sizes. We meet have breakfast, lunch and dinners. Go movies and have days out. Don't be misled by the polyamorous label. This just means I love everyone and everything. Mostly my relationships are platonic (esp with married friends) but with my single friends it has been known to get physical. They are all independent, have their own families, friends, hobbies, homes and like the single life. We value our independence. It is much more mature. We never dry up of conversation because we always have something to tell each other. I also volunteer for a couple of organisations a couple of days a week. Life is now being lived the way it should and is full and satisfying. HTH.

Hi Severino - I am in a similar position to you, but a few years down the track from an EA marriage. I'm 50 too and wondering how that happened. Have 2 dcs under 10.

I like what noego has just said. It is the process of getting 'psychologically free' that is the hardest bit in some ways. Not sure you have to go down the polyamorous route, but hey - hats off, she's definitely not lonely and I envy her chutzpah in going out there and finding love.

Having young children is lovely and also consuming. For me it is also something that stops me forming another relationship, because it is so easy to have that in the back of your head as an excuse. OTOH, I am lonely and would like to have someone for me - just a boyf, nothing madly serious. Don't want a new father for my dcs or to start picking up socks again, no thanks.

Your marathon sounds like a great plan. And runnning clubs (apparently) are really friendly and welcoming. Also, do you have a parkrun near you? Don't know how that fits in with childcare, but they are really good to do and generally loads of parkrunners peel off afterwards for a well-deserved coffee. Try that.

Once you start marathon training you might sleep better as well! And poor you, insomnia is pants.

Also, while I'm giving advice that I should be taking myself - have you thought of the Freedom Programme?Your OP said he was 'mildly abusive' - you don't need to minimize what you have been through. Everyone on here says the Freedom Programme is brilliant. You can do it online, but doing it with a group seems to be even more fruitful. Think about it.

Solidarity to you.

Never heard of the Freedom Programme - will go and look it up thanks!
Also agree to the psychological freeing but. That's what I need to work on.
Can't wait to get out there and do stuff for myself, as you say it's a bit difficult re childcare but I will manage something.
Mumsnet is so great for support - thanks everyone 💞