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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my boyfriend ignore me.. do i have a chance?

53 replies

cheonsa · 26/10/2016 09:45

we've been dating for 6 months.. and its been a month he changed so much.. doesn't want to spend time with me anymore everytime i ask him to meet (always with his friends or prefer to be alone).. didn't text me like he used to only read and will reply if i asked him and not engage to conversation.. and the worst last monday he got lots of trouble with work because his friend come to his office n made scene.. i was trying to cheer him up but he didn't read my messages until now, but i saw he online on whatsapp.. am being clingy n needy to ask him to reply my messages? i love him so much n his behavior make me insecure.. i used to be independent

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 26/10/2016 16:40

You ARE young!
26 is young.
Don't throw the best years of your life away chasing this cock-weasel!
Get out there and enjoy life for now.
Stop trying to find that LTR and enjoy it all.
You have plenty of time to settle down.

Original poster
cheonsa · 27/10/2016 00:17

how about if I send him a letter? On the letter I just want to explain about my behavior and end this.. I want to end this in a good way

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 27/10/2016 06:48

Don't waste the paper, conserve your ink.

HardcoreLadyType · 27/10/2016 06:53

Send Barely's text, if you really want to send anything at all. I've C&P it, below, so you don't have to search for it.

"I assume things between us are over. Good luck with everything. Don't contact me again."

FetchezLaVache · 27/10/2016 06:59

Don't send the letter. Please, just don't. What do you think will come of it? Send the letter = guarantee it will NOT end in a good way. Send the letter = the ultimate clingy and needy move. Have more self-respect.

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh, but he's already forgotten you exist. He's treating you with a lack of consideration. If you send the letter it will escalate to actual contempt. Just move on. You really do deserve so much better!

Penfold007 · 27/10/2016 07:01

No point in sending a letter. Putting it bluntly you've been dumped. Stop stalking him.

eurochick · 27/10/2016 07:03

Please don't send a letter! It's over. He's moved on. Keep a little self respect!

Original poster
cheonsa · 28/10/2016 05:00

he texts me.. explained everything about he almost got fired on monday and his brother getting worse.. and he can't focus on relationship.. i don't know what to do.. i don't want to lose him

OP posts:
quicklydecides · 28/10/2016 05:03

He's gone already, just say goodbye.

Spadequeen · 28/10/2016 05:55

He's already gone. You need to move on

I know it hurts, many of us have been through the same thing, guy is initially all over you then suddenly goes cold. Be upset, be angry but you need to stop contacting him and move on

What would you do if he said sorry and started being nice to you again. Thrnanother 6 months down the line he does exactly the same thing, because you're pretty much guaranteed that's what would happen.

FetchezLaVache · 28/10/2016 06:23

In the nicest possible way, cheonsa, you already HAVE lost him. You can't have a relationship with only one person in it, and he left some time ago - he's only just now had the decency to tell you.

Please focus on yourself for a while, and on building your self-esteem. You've got so much to give, but you need a bit back too! Don't settle for less. Flowers

MidsummersNight · 28/10/2016 06:29

Good god get a grip.
It's only been 6 months and you 'love him'.
Honestly you sound awful. Stop bombarding him as it's doing absolutely nothing but to make you look needy, clingy and pathetic.

He's moved on, binned you, probably found someone else to toy with.

Do the same.

Diamondsmiles · 28/10/2016 06:31

Agree with everyone that it's over. Reply and say oh dear sorry to hear that. Hope things get better for you soon. Then move on.

Original poster
cheonsa · 28/10/2016 06:43

yeah I already say good bye to him buy he still reply my text with sweet words that it wasn't my fault at all, that I'm remarkable sweet to him more than anyone else he could remember. And he even addresed the surprised birthday that I threw for him is the best birthday ever.. can't he just stop it!
he already break my heart but still act like that..
oh my god..

OP posts:
Original poster
cheonsa · 28/10/2016 06:44

*surprised birthday party

OP posts:
PoldarksBreeches · 28/10/2016 07:04

Block him now. He has broken up with you.

FetchezLaVache · 28/10/2016 07:22

That sweet text was sent for one of two reasons:

a) he feels guilty because he knows he's treated you dreadfully;

or

b) he's keeping you sweet in case it doesn't work out with the woman he has 100% definitely moved on to.

Bubblegum18 · 28/10/2016 07:37

Sometimes relationships naturally fizzle out connection is lost or you get to know each other properly and there's not the same spark there was, this is happened to me afew times before I was married. We just weren't compatable and wanted different things. I think he's been a coward for not being direct but if you've been abit full on has made it harder. I would block him on what's app and move on.

Spadequeen · 28/10/2016 07:41

Agree with fetches 100%

Block his number and do something to distract yourself. You are worth more, you need to look at ways to boost your self confidence so you don't have the same issues in future relationships.

HappyAxolotl · 28/10/2016 07:50

He's decided he doesn't want to continue with you. While that hurts, we all have the right to leave. But he's also decided you weren't even worth a text to make you aware of what's going on, either at first or while you were jumping through hoops trying to get hold of him. He was cool with that. At best that's thoughtless or cowardly, at worst he's getting a kick out of making you frantic.

We can all tell you that you deserve much better, but you need to believe it and live like it!

(And yeah maybe I'm daft and old-fashioned but I do believe that after 6 freaking months you do deserve some form of communication TELLING YOU it's over.)

TheNaze73 · 28/10/2016 08:07

LISTEN TO WHAT EVERYBODY IS SAYING!

Sorry to shout OP but, you have had a plethora of fantastic advice on here & you keep making excuses for him, looking for things that are clearly not there & if you send a letter, you'll make yourself look a tit. He's dumped you already.

Block him & move on

TirednessIsComing · 28/10/2016 08:24

Block him. He sounds like he gives enough to keep you hoping but has no intention of actually being with you.

He's already ended it, you need to let go.

category12 · 28/10/2016 08:50

Oh fuck it, hang on for him, write him your letter, beg for his attention. You're only 26, you have years to waste on him. At some point either you will learn, or he will go off with someone else permanently. Sometimes we only learn from harsh experience. Make sure you make it a heartfelt letter, exposing all vulnerabilities.

Only1scoop · 28/10/2016 08:57

He's thrown you a little scrap of niceness....don't confuse it for anything other than what it is.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 28/10/2016 09:24

Everyone's nice when they're finishing a short term relationship, aren't they? I am. "You're a really lovely person. I enjoyed spending time with you. Now fuck off out of my life forever." (Slightly paraphrasing that last bit. Smile )