DP forcing me to work disabled.

[yellowox]

I have a DP been together for 5 years, I've recently been diagnosed with CFS, I have continence issues, I wet myself regularly despite wearing adult nappies having medication & going to see urology, I left my last job because I kept wetting myself & the chronic fatigue. DP has a 55k high paying job, my health has took a turn for the worse recently I now have adult social care coming for 2 hours per day to help me shower, clean the house, tidy, cook meals I take DD to nursery who is 3 then sleep the rest of the day. DF is telling me I need to make money he is refusing to pay for my car which he has been using aswell he has bought two houses while we have been together neither have been in my name. He calls me lazy keeps yelling at me to get a job when I don't feel ready to work all my energy goes on dd & I have adult social care payments so it's not like i'm making it up!

He won't buy me any clothes if we go food shopping he complains if I buy a 30p tin of sweetcorn instead of frozen sweetcorn. I told him I was leaving him last week I applied for the housing register band c but he keeps telling me to stay how it's bad for DD how he loves me etc, I need to claim benefits just so i can buy clothes and keep on top of payments. he's also buying a 9k car out of savings & going on a skiing holiday on his own he says he works hard & deserves it. I'm not sure how other peoples relationships work? I just can't believe how uncompassionate he is he won't give me any time to try get better.

JoJoSM2 frustrated??? bollocks!!!!!

The guy us an emotionally, financially and (if you take into account how working affects the OPs ability to function) physically abusive cunt!

Fuck his frustration. Imagine how frustrated the OP feels with her condition and her lack of confidence over it.

yellowox I'm sorry you're going through this.
Please call Women's Aid ASAP!

Confidence should have said control damn autocorrect

I think there's a possibility that your worsening ill health has something to do with living in unbearable circumstances, OP.

Please leave him. You deserve better, and I hope you are able to see this enough to get out.

I need to claim benefits just so i can buy clothes and keep on top of payments
You are in an awful situation sweetie and you may find that you are better off by leaving him and getting court ordered maintenance.#

Please be careful what benefits you claim while you are still together as things like ESA usually take a partner's income into account whilst things like PIP don't.

Claim pip if you aren't already with your evidence from doctors and social care you will be entitled.
Also call womens aid, a man does not need to hit you to be abusive.

Contributions based ESA doesn't include partners income.

Like many others here I too have ME/CFS and some other health issues.

Listen... we know... your CFS will get a little bit better if you no longer have to worry about his reaction. You will not get any better living in that situation.

Ignore others who say the NHS say this or that... the guidelines are not at all appropriate for every individual, the NHS acknowledge this, sadly well meaning individuals don't always realise what that means. Today you may not be able to work - I slept for 2 whole years and consider myself to be one of the lucky ones, as I have since gained degrees, worked full time as a fitness/health consultant and then as an FE/HE lecturer. Some never get that much better!

No matter how hard it is to throw away 5 years and a roof over your head you must consider it or you will become wholly trapped.

Basically I am suggesting that you use every days energy to work on getting the hell out of there. Take your DD and crawl out of there!

Women's Aid and your care workers, Social Services etc will al support you if you tell them the truth of your situation!

Good luck.

OP, you can have my first ever LTB.

This is awful to read, so I have no idea what's it's like actually living with this idiot.

Please talk to your Carers and Social Worker. You're vulnerable and they'll be the people to find things out for you.

Please call Women's aid also.

Please don't let this idiot know when you have energy as that can be the time you make your plans.

Please take care and your DD with thank you in bucket loads in years to come.

Hell have to share more of "his" money with you if you divorce.

His treatment of you is utterly horrific. Despicable. Please tell the people who are helping you exactly what he's doing.

It sounds as though he either doesn't believe that you have a physical illness, or doesn't care.

Either way, he is treating you appallingly and staying together is teaching your DD nothing about how healthy, loving, adult relationships should work.

I also second the posters who are saying speak to your social workers/health care professionals. I received a massive amount of help through my HV and SS when I decided to separate from my abusive husband. Your GP may also be able to help if you feel you can talk to them.

I have CFS/ME. I haven't worked in years. My DH has never begrudged this at all. I do get some benefits, probably stopping soon. They are a nightmare to claim for this illness and it's only getting worse, but given your care needs, you can definitely apply for PIP, I cannot see why you wouldn't get that, incontinence does come into that as well. You can get contribution based ESA if you have made enough NI contributions in the last 2 years. You wouldn't qualify for income based as that is on household.

I wouldn't stay with this prick. He doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you and he doesn't respect you. If he did, he would care about the fact that you are very ill. It's possible you aren't going to get better any time soon, being with a dickhead like this isn't going to do your illness any favours.

Contributions based ESA doesn't include partners income
Hence why I said "usually"

He only cares about himself. That is surely as much as you need to know.

I'm pretty sure your health will improve when you get rid of the sack of shit you're carrying around with you.

Please get out sweetheart. If you get adult social care, do you have access to a social worker?

I have fibromyalgia and my husband has never treated me the way your partner treats you. I have times when I need care and times when I don't. His only comment is usually "are you up to this?"

Yes I'm afraid he is a Cunt. You should stick to your guns and leave. Your daughter will be happy if you're happy, and you're not happy with this man.

Things like this anger me. It's totally different, but I basically cut my finger off needed an operation to repair it. My boyfriend (he's not a partner) of two years wouldn't take two hours off work to drop my DD to school for me on the day of my op. I asked him to do the washing up two weeks ago. He said he doesn't come to my house to do "my chores". I still have dirty dishes in the sink but I no longer have that twat around!!

Fucking hell! That is utterly horrendous! I have rheumatoid arthritis, CFS, Fybromylagia and other stuff and I don't work. My DH works to support us ALL, us parents & 4kids. His wages cover everything and everything is shared, holidays etc etc He earns less than your DH too. He does the lions share of childcare & cooking after working a full day as my illness means sometimes I'm just not able and he has never complianed once nor made me feel bad for being unable to do much. He is an abusive cockwomble!

Thank you I've asked him to give me a letter telling me to leave so I will be band B or i will ask my social worker for evidence to increase my banding I'm already 6-10 as Band C so I should have somewhere by next week. I was a student nurse with a job until I had a relapse again no one seems to believe me although I piss myself daily and have such crippling fatigue I can't function I want to work again eventually Just had enough he can have his money I dont get to see any of it anyway and he's made sure of that. All he cares about is money so he can be alone with it.

You dont need his permission to leave asking for a letter is giving him amo im so pleased you are leaving him keep your carers in the loop

What is your urologist saying is it stress incontinence or something else if im being to nosey i apologise you can tell me to mind my own

No I don't have stress continence I have a neurogenic bladder the nerves don't register properly so fire off signals so I wet myself sometimes without even realising I need the toilet theres I developed it about 6 months after dd was born. I'm having more investigations but it's nerve damage unfortunately

What a truly horrible man.

Awful, awful man.

You really have to leave. Contact women's aid for support too. They are very helpful and will know all the ins and outs of benefits / housing etc.

So sorry you are going through this.

yellow it is soul destroying i hope you can get it sorted asap I had years of problems if you ever need a chat then feel free to PM me