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Original poster

My mother is not coming to my wedding...

45 replies

spook · 08/02/2007 16:51

Hi everyone. Haven't been on for donkeys but still lurking and just needed to offload today.
Basically I am getting married in 10 weeks and my fucking mother has just sent a terse RSVP on a scrap of shitty paper saying she will not be attending.
Its a very sticky relationship I have with her (she walked out when I was 9 and my dad brought me up) and the last 20 years have swung from her being grandmother of the year to my DS's or a complete bloody looper.
The last fall out was in July and we haven't really spoken since properly. I had just that day come home from hospital after a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and she left the next morning with a monk on because I hadn't been gushing with thanks to see her or particularly communicative. The woman is (along with her Golum of a partner) self obsessed and all she basically cares about is herself and her own little insular world. She hasn't seen my brothers little boy for 2 years either.
So-thats it really. I'm getting married and my own bloody mother can't be arsed to come!!
Ggggrrr...

OP posts:
Sobernow · 08/02/2007 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
spook · 08/02/2007 16:56

Thanks Sobernow. A very good point. You're right. I don't actually want her there TBH. Just a bit amazed that a woman could do this.

OP posts:
TeeCee · 08/02/2007 16:57

Spook - hello darling
oh, it's Thomcat btw.
Massive congrats

Oh and fuck your mum, why would you want her there anyway byt eh sounds opf it. I know she's still your mum, but in name only by the sounds of it. You'll enjoy it more without her there i reckon. Sorry she's rubbish but seriously it's probbaly for the best babes.
So, tell us more about the weedding part.

Tutter · 08/02/2007 16:57

take a deep breath and then think of the people who will be there and who will be supporting and celebrating with you

her loss, not yours

have a great day

Glassofwine · 08/02/2007 17:00

spook - my Dad didn't come to my wedding because I wanted my Mum to give me away - He hasn't been in my life much. I was very upset initially, but actually realised that I'd be a lot more relaxed without him there. I haven't spoken to him since - that was 12 years ago. In the end I told my family that if he did turn up to remove him and never tell me because I knew it would spoil my day.

Just don't worry about it, her loss.

Marina · 08/02/2007 17:01

Sobernow has summed it up I think! This woman sounds far removed from the ideal mother-at-wedding, but oh, I am sad for you spook. What a loss it is her for her. You should call them Smeagol and Deagol perhaps . At least you know from your brother's experience that it's not personal.
Really very sorry indeed to hear about ruptured ectopic too XXX

PeckaRolloverAgain · 08/02/2007 17:06

I am her bridesmaid she will be fine

Original poster
spook · 08/02/2007 17:18

Thanks everyone. You're all right. It is her loss and she's just waved goodbye to her grandchildren. I just can't believe someone could be so unmaternal.
Hey Thomcat How are you darling!!
I'm very excited. Marrying my gorgeous boy on April 21st abley assisted by Peckarollover
Glassofwine.Sorry about your dad but it seems you did and are doing just fine without him.

OP posts:
Kaz33 · 08/02/2007 17:37

Hey spook - Dh's mother didn't come to his wedding, she walked out when he was about 9 as well. Have only just made contact in the last couple of years and yep she decided that it would all be too stressful to come to the wedding and deal with what a s**t mother she was.

Her loss, not yours!

Freckle · 08/02/2007 17:41

Congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials!!

I think I'm probably old enough to be your mother, so could I come instead?? I could be all mother-of-the-bride-ish and wear a huge hat blocking the congregation's view of you and get drunk at your reception. What do you say??

Oh and your mother can go take a running.... It's her loss, stupid mare.

skidaddle · 08/02/2007 17:42

Hi Spook,
My mum's not coming to mine either - my dad is going and she says she can't bear to see him (divorced nearly 20 years ago) - everyone around me seems really angry on my behalf but I honestly don't mind at all. In fact I'm glad that I won't have the stress - I suppose it is unmaternal but I knew she was unmaternal as I'm sure you knew your mum was.

I think we should both be pleased that everyone who we want to be there will be there and we can relax and enjoy it instead of finding it stressful. Hope you have a lovely day!

Original poster
spook · 08/02/2007 17:51

Freckle!!! I'll have you know that I am 40 in 4 weeks (fuck) so unless you were a child bride....however you are MORE than welcome to come and get drunk at the reception. You can try and keep up with the lush of a bride.
Hi Skidaddle-I'm the same really. Everyone is absolutely outraged. I'm just relieved really. I am a bit sad that my relationship with my mother is well and truly over but TBH some things just aren't worth fighting for and she's one of them.
Between her and Golum they have 7 grandchildren and don't see any of them. Give her a pat on the back eh?
Very well put Kaz33!!

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 08/02/2007 17:56

I agree with Sobernow but just wanted to say congratulations and how lovely to hear it after your ex was such an arse etc.

Original poster
spook · 08/02/2007 17:57

Thanks WWW! Hope you are all ok?? X

OP posts:
Freckle · 08/02/2007 17:57

Well, OK, not actually old enough to be your mother. I hit 50 next week, so feeling it a bit! Would love to come and get drunk with you though.

Original poster
spook · 08/02/2007 18:08

Wouldn't it be lush to have a big piss up get together for my wedding and your birthday and I would have all the fab mumsnetters who got me through the dark days and saw me through the other side. The thought of that just makes me smile

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 08/02/2007 18:11

Sorry to hear this spook, I know how bloody hurtful it can be .

Congratulations though, and DON'T let her churlishness spoil your happiness. She's cutting off her nose to spite her face and depriving herself of all that love and joy. Silly woman.

frumpygrumpy · 08/02/2007 18:12

Release yourself my love and enjoy your day. Its her decision and nothing should spoil your wonderfully romantic day. Nothing. You want to remember your day for all the right reasons. Hope you have a great day.

pooka · 08/02/2007 18:16

It's so sad - but really it's her loss, isn't it.
Congratulations by the way! So glad that things worked out for you. Hope the day is wonderful, and maybe you can just relax without feeling like you have to jolly her along and pander to her needs.

jampot · 08/02/2007 18:20

ahhh spook congratulations

is this the dentist/pharmacist?

im so happy for you

you'll have a great time with or without yoru mum there

Freckle · 08/02/2007 18:20

On another note, how is d-t-p (dick-the-prick) taking the news of the wedding? Is he still loved up with the talentless "singer" (why did I want to type snigger there??)?

Original poster
spook · 08/02/2007 18:21

Thankyou all of you
I have often felt like I was the grown up in my relationship with my mother. Now I don't have to even try anymore. Phew.

OP posts:
Original poster
spook · 08/02/2007 18:25

Hi jampot!! Thankyou for your congratulations! This is my lovely and really quite alot younger dashing pharmacist

And Freckle-dick-the-prick didn't take the news of the wedding well. Tee hee. I was away in London looking for a wedding dress and he went underground with the children to deliberately put a soiler on my weekend. What a tosser.
And yes-he is still with the talentless tango skiprat (who-incidentally went for me in an Ilva store not so long ago) but it is all in all a most peculiar relationship.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 08/02/2007 18:27

Spook, we are fine thanks! (My dh is ten years younger and we're very happy)

Freckle · 08/02/2007 18:27

I expect the boys are excited though. Are they going to be page boys? What sort of wedding are you planning? Come on, spill. I want all the details!

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