My mother is not coming to my wedding...

[spook]

Hi everyone. Haven't been on for donkeys but still lurking and just needed to offload today.
Basically I am getting married in 10 weeks and my fucking mother has just sent a terse RSVP on a scrap of shitty paper saying she will not be attending.
Its a very sticky relationship I have with her (she walked out when I was 9 and my dad brought me up) and the last 20 years have swung from her being grandmother of the year to my DS's or a complete bloody looper.
The last fall out was in July and we haven't really spoken since properly. I had just that day come home from hospital after a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and she left the next morning with a monk on because I hadn't been gushing with thanks to see her or particularly communicative. The woman is (along with her Golum of a partner) self obsessed and all she basically cares about is herself and her own little insular world. She hasn't seen my brothers little boy for 2 years either.
So-thats it really. I'm getting married and my own bloody mother can't be arsed to come!!
Ggggrrr...

pmsl...well the boys and my little nephew from Ibiza are pageboys..the three amigos!
No bridesmaids-just Pecka dreaming of being one and me humouring her.
Beautiful country house, big fuck off party (with a sprinkling of karaoke!! ) Bacon butties and 2 honeymoons!! One with and one without the boys. Should be pretty much perfect. Am marrying the man of my dreams

oooh- and no mother.

Well, that sounds just spiffing. Hope you'll post pics in due course.

Brilliant news about the wedding Spook
I agree with the others, ahrd as it is try not to let your mother ruin the run up to the wedding.

Don't listen to her I AM the bridesmaid, she just doesnt know it :D

Sounds fantastic spook

Congrats on the wedding . I'm sure you'll have a ball with or without your poisonous mother

Thanks NDP and Compo. It will take alot more than that poisonous old witch to spoil my day. I do wish I had a nice normal (whatever that is) mother though who would be there for me and cry at my wedding dress and pay for the wedding lol

So good to 'see' you Spook

wish my family weren't coming - don't understand why they want to come TBH!

Maybe it is more the significance of not having your mum at your wedding than actually missing her that is upsetting you, but think how many people these days go off and get married abroad without any family there at all. It is lovely that you have other people you care about coming, but really the whole thing is about you and your soon to be DH, and your future life together. Wishing you lots of happiness together

I know what you mean about pining a bit for a "normal" mum who will be there to mother you and be delighted for you and cry when you take your vows. But it will be the happiest day anyway, honestly. When you're there, with the man you love, nothing else will be important.

Okay spook,
Its all about CONTROL.
Your mother is doing EXACTLY what my mum did with my wedding 18 months ago. She made the whole thing about HER. How the timing didnt suit HER, how I should wait until SHE had more money. She was so infuriated that she couldnt just STOP the wedding going ahead. It went ahead anyway.
Had DD 4 months ago. Offered to meet up with her on a visit to the UK when DD was 12 weeks. She went crazy (called DH and screamed at him down the phone for 15 minutes) because I wasnT meeting up with her where SHE wanted, on HER terms. Started talking about getting solicitors involved because of HER rights to access DD. (She somehow forgot that Id offered to meet her)
I didn`T meet her in the end, and she never did see DD.

So, a mad mother is very f*cking scary, and you have to be very very strong to deal with this kind of thing. She is your mother, and she is supposed to PROTECT you from the bad things in life. But instead she is the only one who is CAUSING the hurt and pain in your life. SHe should be over the moon that you are getting married, and happy for you.

You have to make a decision to break away from her or she will control you for the rest of your life.

Get yourself over to that My mother has cut me out of her life thread in this Relationships category. We are all trying to deal with different versions of the same thing i.e our mother is controlling and basically toxic. There are loads of amazing titbits of advice on there and we use it as a therapy thread.

Thankyou everyone. Sakura I will read that thread. You know what really scares me? That I will end up like my mother. She spent her life bitching about her own mother and lo and behold-history is repeating itself.
Please don't let me grow old a bitter twisted old bitch

spook, you will never be a twisted old bitch, you loon!

Lovely to hear from you and about the nuptials, sorry your mum is such a waste of space but as you will have the lovely pecka (in apricot satin I hope?) who cares?

xxx

PS (I am nearly 56 so just old enough to be your child-bride mum, may I? )

Oh, and more detail please about the talentless tango skiprat (beautiful description) going for you in an Ilva store!

Hey JanH OFCOURSE you may be my unofficial child bride mother of the bride. It would give me great pleasure to have you at my top table!!
How are you??? I was thinking of putting pecka in peach taffeta actually....
I was in Ilva killing time one day in the not so distant past. I wasn't looking my best having just had root canal dentistry-so the hygenist had sand blasted off my make up and I was dribbling unattractively from the left side....I was roughly manhandled from behind and lo and behold the skiprat is going for me in a very aggresive manner emabarrasingly (sp) yelling that I "wasn't so fucking big now I didn't have my posse with me" (remember the little incident when I bumped into her and ex and gave her a piece of my mind?)
It really was wholly unpleasant but quite amusing bcause exH appeared somewhat sheepishly from behind a napkin display and told me to "go away"
WTF I was there first.
So I did go away but so did they 2 mins later he looking like thunder and she looking like a petulant little teenager. They roared off in his penis extension of a car and left me chuckling to myself in the carpark!!
All in all a good days work I thought.

Excellent - I will be there in spirit in my lilac crimplene flying panels and teacosy nylon hat

OK - peach taffeta for pecka then - she will look gorgeous in either, but of course not quite as gorgeous as you in whatever you will be wearing (??? please post pics) (pecka posted pics of her dress before her wedding you know...)

Thx for Ilva details That girl is such a loser. I wonder if it is dawning on ex that he might just possibly have made the wrong choice.

She sounds like a liability to me. An embarrassment in fact!

As bridesmaid may I boldly post pics of THE dress?

I have them in my posession.

It is very beautiful and spook is going to be a STUNNING bride.

ahhhhhhhhh whilst Im in my just woken up, post coital glow of happiness I could get quite teary.

It is going to be the best wedding ever, mother or no mother (and even better now your going to be there Jan)

Spook and hunkypharmacist have such a lovely love together and everyone that will be there adores them both.

I cant wait
xxx

Don't let her spoil your day. Good riddance to bad rubbish and all that.