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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would like some hand holding please!

55 replies

urbandictictionary123 · 15/10/2016 18:07

Me and my partner of 3 years slit up this morning. Long story cut very short....I noticed he was using whatsapp a lot and online at all hours, when I questioned him he said he hadent been on it for weeks. I asked to look, he refused, so I told him to go....he would not let me see his fone. he left and 5 mins later came back and happily give me the fone. ( which by this point he woud have deleted everything whilst sat in the car!) Anyway, he said he had nothing to hide he loves me blah blah, I wernt having any of it. Hes gone now anyway, and hes come back saying that he had a group on whatsapp helping him to plan his proposal to me, he gave me names and dates and how he was going to do it. I said he could retrieve the deleted group to prove this, but he said something about storage on his fone wont allow it. its all bs I know....just wanted some hand holding.!

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/10/2016 17:53

OP, he's full of it ..
As long as you present as happy, your little boys will be happy too.
Besides, you don't want them growing up to be dirty liars, like him.
Do not take the toad back, he will never improve. 💐

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 16/10/2016 18:58

Thanks for all your support. I feel better now, keeping bust....my children are my main priority and always will be. He still thinks there is hope.

OP posts:
Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 16/10/2016 19:01

bust Confused meant busy!

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/10/2016 19:15

Urban, tell him, there's Bob Hope, and NO hope !
You're a great Mummy, keep prioritising your children, like you, they deserve better.

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 16/10/2016 20:25

Hes saying he doesn't regret not showing me the phone cause it would have ruined the surprise....he said he would throw his phone away, not have one at all....

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/10/2016 20:45

You caught him out .... You can't kid yourself OP.
Stop torturing yourself sweetheart.
Tell him, he could possibly blind you with science, but he can't baffle you with bullshit ! 💐

GeekyWombat · 16/10/2016 21:12

It's utter bollocks OP. The problem is if he could admit the truth you might get through it together. This bullshit lying is just insulting. You deserve better.

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 16/10/2016 21:18

he said it would be easy fo him just to lie and say he was chatting to someone else, just to maybe give me something, but he said he wouldn't do that.

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 17/10/2016 07:33

OP, it's Monday morning, I hope you've managed to get a grip.
Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you, and giving you a hand hold.
Stay strong 😄

AnyFucker · 17/10/2016 07:50

He's not even a good liar

I couldn't be with someone so thick. He is sniffing around other women and well done for calling him out on it.

Take him back and all you get is a booby prize

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 17/10/2016 13:26

Thanks...im not too bad today, still trying to get any ounce of proof off him...but hes coming up with more excuses....but to be honest it makes things easier for me to see how pathetic it all is!

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 17/10/2016 13:45

Ha, the more he digs the more laughable it is really. I'm so sorry though OP. He sounds like quite a catch :S

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 17/10/2016 13:52

Ive said if you cant show me any proof then il suspect you were chatting to another woman and its over. The thing is, its all through texting, we cant actually get together to chat..

OP posts:
Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 17/10/2016 23:07

I think I know what im going to do....

Il ask him to come round to talk this weekend...and say to him, right, I want you to get this group together on whatsapp again and text them 'right lads, the proposals back on, same plan different date'
and wait to see what replies he gets...
If they like 'what, she fell for it,lol?!' then its bye bye...
if its 'Glad to hear it pal, right lets get started again...' then I will have a lot of grovelling to do!

What do you think?? x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/10/2016 23:09

I wouldn't waste my precious time

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 17/10/2016 23:11

why? Wouldn't you want closure, to put your mind at rest?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/10/2016 06:19

You won't get "closure"

You will be chasing your peace of mind forever with a bloke like this...round and round in circles.

myfriendnigel · 18/10/2016 06:32

If you give him warning you are goi g to ask him to do that he has time to say to his mates 'please reply and say.....'. So that won't work unless you catch him by surprise with it.
But I feel you might be clutching at straws anyway, sorry op. Nothing he's done or said so far has the ring of any truth to it.

Mix56 · 18/10/2016 07:38

he will have done the necessary to cover his tracks within an hour of you calling him out.

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 18/10/2016 21:05

update I rang him and said to come over for a chat, I then asked him to message his mates in front of me. He looked a bit surprised but he did it...got a reply about 10 mins later with 'great news, pal...I'm guessing the date has changed though.? Is everything ok with you 2 now then?'

Needless to say I felt completely stupid and embarrassed, but explained to him why I did what I did...he understood, he mentioned about possibly trying relate as a couple and see if it helps us with the trust issues....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/10/2016 21:32

Ah

All is well then ?

Good luck with that...

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 18/10/2016 21:52

He isnt staying tonight, it's all been a bit emotional...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/10/2016 22:06

he will have his feet back under the table tomorrow though ?

Original poster
urbandictictionary123 · 18/10/2016 22:13

Nope, hes away on work for the next coue of weeks...he had to travel 4 hours to get here earlier and he went back after we talked....didn't even kiss him! Just seems a bit strange at the minute... I now know he was telling the truth all along but need to sort my self out now.

OP posts:
Starryeyed16 · 18/10/2016 22:20

Any fucker is right very easy for him to get his mate to lie for him and the thing is you've fallen for it. He's has plenty of time to speak to his mates and collaborate a story with them. The whole deleting it then coming back about a proposal is complete BS but it's up to you if you take him back