I really need some brutal opinions. I'll try and be as detailed as possible.
I've been seeing a man for 18 months. He is a manager at the bank I work for, and although I don't see him in the day at work, (he's not my manager), we sometimes share lifts to work as we live close by. I'm 30 and he's 47. It's the best relationship I've ever been in and he makes me very very happy. I've seen him everyday bar about 6 in our whole relationship. We are very close and, without wanting to gush, I'm not being overly romantic - I'm usually very cynical! - I love him a lot.
So what's the problem? The problem is he lives with his wife and child, who will leave to go to university in two years.
From day 1, when I met him in a bar near where we work, he told me he was separated from his wife, but they hadn't started dicorce proceedings because of their child, and they wanted to bring up the child together in the same home.
Why did I believe this? Lots of reasons. He calls me every night for long chats, he talks every night. At weekends unless he's with his child he will be at my house. I've been to his house when his wife has worked away and there's nothing in it to indicate they are together. In the early days I heard phone calls (hed answer in the car) and it was very formulaic and practical. It sounded exactly how he said it was - that they were separated and waiting for the child to leave home.
In the last 4 months I said I wanted to meet his wife. I said if they were separated then she wouldn't care. He said although he's sure she wouldn't care, it would make the home life more hostile than it already is and that defeats the object of staying to bring up the child. He also said that his wife would feel angry about it happening while he was living there.
Obviously this has raised all sorts of alarm bells. I've been very upfront and asked if he's cheating, why he won't just talk to her, and this weekend I said I didn't want to see him again until he sorted all this out properly.
He then turned up tonight and told me he would do anything to prove to me that what he's told me is true, and that he doesn't know how to prove it but wants to try.
I expect that people are going to be cynical here... And I'm not campaigning to defend him as I really don't know what to think, hence why I'm here asking what you all think... But he's a lovely man and he almost seems scared of his wife - I read some very abusive messages from her to him many months ago when he was crying about a row they had had. Part of me does think he really doesn't want to rock the boat for the sake of his child... But how can I really know?
Any advice welcome.. However harsh!