bancroft book for an abusive ex?

[grittypetal]

Separated from the dad of DC a couple of years ago. He had to move out and I stayed with the children. By then it had been clear to me that he was abusive so i didn't even bother to read bancroft, reading the forums here was enough :( He has a new girlfriend now but just recently hinted he is not that into her and would like to consider us trying again... I am still greatly attached to him and would love to try again but have little hope of it working, unfortunately. He still seem not even to fully understand how rubbish he'd been. So i got the bancroft book and am reading it now, recognising with sadness some of our relationship's disasters (in a milder form, no physical). So now the question - would it make sense to give him the book to read as well? As a way of trying to open his eyes to his own behaviour? Is this book even written for men - it seems to me to be exclusively for female victims:(

"You can't have one without the other"
Trying to find a magic recipe ... Could you call it being optimistic instead of deluded? Probably not.

But in an earlier post you say you discussed him moving back in? That's quite a lot to discuss. Does his new girlfriend know this?

He moved out for a reason.

sorry Astrantia, we definitely did not discuss him moving back. This was one of the hilarious typos. There was just a slight hint of "trying again" and i already got so worked up about it. My brain screams at me that it is not a good idea. I know. It's just making the other body parts realise it is well and trully over.

Sorry, I didn't realise it was a typo. Just as well. Don't go there.

Perhaps counselling would help you.

He really said he'd give you another chance?! Or was that another typo? Cos if not, you have your answer right there. He's not anticipating any change at all on his part.

"he really said he'd give you another chance" - well, yes, he did once, probably half as a joke, he'd never ask directly as he'd been hurt too much by the split. I am reading far too much into this all again. Anyway, my hurt has not seemed to be an issue here at all I realise now. That is the crucial point i guess. So bloody stupid of him and sad. "Why Does He Do That" [stiffles an urge to put a smiley in again].

It's not hilarious OP. I wonder if you are slightly hysterical with the emotional rollercoaster of it all.

I've said it before, but you need counselling, and you need to DETACH from this loser.

dear Emma and all, thank you so much for all your good and kind advice.