Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do men really think of make up?

79 replies

Myusernameismyusername · 03/10/2016 23:01

I'm asking this because I am single and I can't really ask a man Grin

I have very bad skin and have had for nearly 15 years. I can't seem to cure it or really treat it (GP's are rubbish) it's all hormonal and have resorted to pretty much covering it in very expensive cover up (like for skin conditions/scarring/vertiligo which is amazing stuff. I don't wear other heavy make up such as big eyes or a lot of blush and try to make it look natural. It's thick but not some bright orange mask that is very obvious.

But I feel like it's a mask and not really the real me. Sooner or later I have to trust and feel comfortable enough with someone to say 'look here is the real me'. And it's not just on my face either although it's not too bad on my body the scarring is embarrassing.

I won't go swimming often and although I haven't had a relationship in a long time if I had sex with someone I would try to get up before they woke up and make it look better before they saw me.

I'm just not sure how much of a deal breaker chronic acne is, or if the thick make up is worse?

I would love to be comfortable in my own skin etc but it can be so overwhelming I don't even like going to work if it is really bad (I do, but I find it hard). I've been quite depressed about it and trying to just get on with it.

I've tried all the 'cures' so that isn't what I am looking for and I can't afford expensive laser treatment but I just wondered what men really think of women's bare naked faces, imperfections and all?

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 03/10/2016 23:25

Well, given the amount of make up worn by so many women I see around me - it's fine, men either must accept it without an opinion, or like it!

I really don't think you should worry about the amount of make up you wear.

That's sounds so tough on your confidence Flowers

SpeckledyBanana · 03/10/2016 23:34

A decent man won't mind, they will see you, not your skin.

DH didn't mind mine, which only cleared in my thirties.

SpeckledyBanana · 03/10/2016 23:36

You do sound like you'd benefit from a dermatology referral though. Have you explained the impact on your confidence/ mental health to your GP?

Zeeandra · 03/10/2016 23:44

I'm 35 and I've never ever worn make up. It makes me shitty skin even shittier. I'm happily married and managed fine before then as well.

UnderseaPineapple · 04/10/2016 01:57

You really shouldn't care if a man prefers make up or not. You should only care if he forbids you to wear it or if he makes you wear it.

However, men tend to be wary of red lipstick. No idea why, it just seems to be the edge of where make up turns into too much make up for them.

The only person you should wear make up for is yourself. Does does red lipstick make you feel invincible? Does covering up spots make you feel pulled together and more confident?

Make up isn't a mask, it can be self expression and a bit of self care. That is not to say that people who don't wear it don't care about themselves or have no creativity because they absolutely do, its just that make up lovers wear their creativity literally on their face.

My DP has no say in the matter of what goes on my face but I do try to wear a pink nude shade when we go out together so I don't get red lipstick all over him.

Wear it; don't wear it. Most men don't notice or care unless its red.

AmeliaJack · 04/10/2016 02:06

"Men tend to be wary of red lipstick"

Hmm what all men? That's a considerable generalisation.

The right man won't care about your skin OP. And I bet no one cares about it as much as you. We're none of us perfect.

Flowers
dovesong · 04/10/2016 03:26

A good man will be happy with you doing exactly what makes you feel confident and good about yourself. The only makeup I've heard men complain about is "too much black stuff around the eyes". (Obviously I made my cat eye even more exaggerated the next time, because sod that!)

TheNaze73 · 04/10/2016 06:34

"Men tend to be wary of red lipstick"

I would ignore that comment OP. Most ridiculous comment I've seen on here in a while.

I think subtle is better with make up personally.

GinAndOnIt · 04/10/2016 06:59

All men have different opinions on makeup. Much like if a man posted saying 'do women like beards?'

What men do like though, is confidence. Which is really bloody hard to find sometimes, but you can fake it.

When I first met DP, I agonised over my skin for ages. I was planning to do some sort of bizarre weaning off of the makeup so it would gradually get less and then he wouldn't notice. Then one day I thought 'I love this man and want to be with him forever - if he can't cope with my skin, there's really no point dragging this out' and off I went to the bathroom to remove it all. When I came back, he had changed ready for bed and didn't have his top on. I rubbed his back and he said 'oh don't touch my back, I've got horrible acne on it Sad' - I didn't stop rubbing his back and he didn't recoil at the sight of my face, and we are still going strong now.

What I'm trying to say is, when you meet the right person, they will not care. Chances are, they're just as self conscious about something too. But I never look at DP as a man with back acne. I'd actually completely forgotten about it until I wrote this, despite the fact he's always nagging for a back rub Wink

So. If makeup makes you feel confident, and you feel better wearing it, then wear it. You may encounter people who don't like makeup, but much as you might encounter someone who doesn't like blonde hair, or painted nails, or whatever. Don't let it dishearten you - just hold your head up and think about what lovely traits you have that you can offer a partner :)

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 04/10/2016 07:14

Thank you, I think I needed to hear these things!

I've seen a dermatologist and done Roaccutane. You can only do it once here. They have nothing to offer me apart from teeth ruining life long anti biotics and assuming I don't wash my face, or some creams that strip 5 layers of skin off. Nothing helps because it is my hormones driving my skin so I will probably be fine after menopause

OP posts:
girlwithamoonandstaronherhead · 04/10/2016 07:17

In my experience men don't really like a lot of make up, but that's perhaps just the kind of men I've been around! However, I think covering bad skin is a different issue and what you feel confident doing is best. I used to have rosacea so understand. I did the same as you and wore quite a lot of foundation but not much else, as a natural look is more my style.

Walkacrossthesand · 04/10/2016 07:25

If the antibiotics you mention are tetracyclines, they don't ruin adult teeth - you mustn't take them if you're pregnant or give them to a child under 12, as they stain developing tooth enamel, but theyre not tooth ruining for adults.

GinAndOnIt · 04/10/2016 07:36

I'm guessing you've already tried different hormone contraceptives to help? It was the combined pill that eventually helped my skin. It wasn't ideal in that it brought other symptoms, but I powered through for a few years, and since coming off it (a year ago) my skin has mostly been fine. By no means perfect of course, but it feels perfect compared to what it was!

HerOtherHalf · 04/10/2016 07:43

I couldn't care less about "friends" that judge my looks, clothes, physical imperfections, car, earnings or anything else superficial. Be yourself and enjoy the love and friendship of those who value you for who you are. As to what men really think, well we're all different so I can only speak for myself. I've known some women who initially seemed very attractive (I.e. physically) but got less so as I got to know them better. I've known other women who were less aligned to what the media try to tell us is attractive but the better I got to know their true self the more beautiful they were. Whoever said beauty is skin deep didn't understand what beauty really is.

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 04/10/2016 07:45

I can't take the pill. Also tetracyclines don't seem to have any effect anymore I took them for about 10 years. Now I am using a retinol cream from the GP and some glycolic stuff. Along with teeth concerns I have IBS and now am tolerant to many types so I have decided to stop taking all that stuff. Really I want laser treatment but it's very expensive. I think dealing with my hormones would be a good start but I can't get anywhere with that, I've had scans, bloods etc and nothing abnormal seems to be showing but then I didn't get them done at my worst point so I have a blood form ready to do next time I have a flare up to see if that shows anything (last one happened on the weekend Angry)

OP posts:
FoggyMorn · 04/10/2016 07:48

As you've tried lots of things for your skin already, maybe you could give diet change a try to see what happens.

Me (and one of my DC) have had very dramatic skin improvement (deep cystic acne and other assorted skin issues), after changing diet (paleo in our case but I think "no sugar/low other carbs" is the important bit of that!).

High carb/sugar diets impact hormones and skin hugely ime.
Marksdailyapple is a great (free) blog to get started on, if you want to give it a go for a couple of months. You might be surprised by the results Smile

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 04/10/2016 07:49

I think that is my next step to try again I don't have a great diet now but in the past when I have tried sugar free diet and lost a lot of weight it didn't seem to stop the acne (it's cystic acne)

OP posts:
FoggyMorn · 04/10/2016 07:51

Ah, I've just seen the IBS comment. Have you been tested for Ceoliac?

Ellarose85 · 04/10/2016 07:56

I had cystic acne for years, I tried everything to cure it. I also wore thick foundation and industrial strength concealer. The only thing that made it better was a long, low dose of antibiotics (lymecyclin)

My DH doesn't like it when I wear a lot of make up, I used to be a make up artist so I have a passion for it where as my ex refused to be intimate unless I was wearing it.

Any man worth your time will not be phased if you wear make up or not.

I only wear it for myself now but my skin is much better but I do remember how much it got me down when my acne was at it's worse Flowers

FoggyMorn · 04/10/2016 07:57

"Sugar free" won't help much if your diet is still (as most people's are, still based on grain products and other starchy carbs (it's still sugar really), but the IBS comment suggests probably something else going on at the root of your issues...

tristerflexu · 04/10/2016 07:59

My DH tells me that he hates makeup. I don't wear a lot but always have a bit of foundation bronzer and mascara. When I'm not wearing may he asks me if I'm ok as I don't look well. Therefore I conclude that he does like make up

TheRadiantAerynSun · 04/10/2016 08:08

I've heard a fair few men claim they don't like make up, but at the same time many aren't able to recognise when a woman is wearing it.

I've even heard DH say I don't wear make up, when I do most days (I asked him, do you think my eyelashes are are naturally purple? Hmm What do you think is in that enormous bag in the bathroom? Daft sod.)

What I think they mean is they're not keen on over the top slap; like stage make up. Which most people only ever do when glamming up to go out. Even heavy cover up, done well, doesn't look like that.

I will say if you're very self-conscious about something don't hide it and make it a big boogie man lurking in the corner. That'll only make you more anxious, which is more destructive when trying to build relationship IME.

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 04/10/2016 08:44

It can be destructive for instance preferring intimacy when drunk, you feel more confident. It has held me back romantically but not in my career which is odd, even when I know it's bad I just power on but then no work colleague ever has to see my naked face!

I've been tested for everything and tried most antib's and worry about IBS flare up if I take more. Also I have bad asthma and have to take steroids often which I am sure doesn't help either!!

I will say no man has ever made me feel bad about it I just feel like I am one of those painted ladies who is wearing a mask. I wouldn't even go to the shops or take the bins out without it on. Then the more crap I feel the worse my diet is and it's all probably tied together. I'm having a bad flare up this week but I have had my hair styled in a particular way so that it covers up the regularly bad area

OP posts:
AnnettePrice · 04/10/2016 08:54

Have you tried the low FODMAP diet for your IBS? It might help you have a better diet therefore it might have other positive knock on effects with your skin

4merlyknownasSHD · 04/10/2016 08:55

It would be a very brave man indeed to tell a woman who is not already his wife or long-term partner that he doesn't like her make-up. I think, as touched on by TheRadiantAerynSun most of us prefer it when the woman wearing make-up looks as if she isn't wearing it......the natural look. Men don't do sub-texts. We usually want to see people for what they are rather than what they are painting themselves to look like. Enhance rather than exclaim!

Swipe left for the next trending thread