I think I need to leave my husband

[bluesoup]

We've been married for all of two years. But he has a drinking problem. Not drinking every day but regularly gets so drunk that he can't stand up. Sick all over the house, urinating on the carpet, verbally aggressive when drunk...
And he can't stop. He's tried. Luckily, I have somewhere to go. I don't know why I'm writing this, except to ask: is this enough to leave a marriage? Because he will say it's not. If it's not all the time & when he's sober we have a mostly great relationship? No kids, no mortgage. I can walk away. But should I?

[PoldarksBreeches]

Yes, you absolutely can and should leave him. Living with someone with a drink problem is traumatising. You're already seriously affected by it and it won't get better. Just thinking back to when I lived with my ex is making me anxious and that was years ago.
You don't need his permission to leave - you get to decide where your line is, not him.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Leave now. He won't get better.

[bluesoup]

Thank you for all your messages. I am reading them

[AyeAmarok]

Going out drinking once a month is no biggie.

Getting into the state that you piss yourself, vomit, and start being verbally aggressive to your wife every month, to the point that she's dreading you doing it and scared of what you'll be like with her when you get home, and not even thinking that's a reason to rein it in?

LTB.

[lasttimeround]

Just because it's hard and heartbreaking I will add my voice:
You may leave him for this. You probably should. Do it now before you have bigger commitments you share. The only person who can sort him out is him. Sorry it's sad and awful leaving better than staying with someone addicted and self destructive

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Yes you can walk away and you should. You married an alcoholic and life with such a person is basically lurching from one crisis to yet another. There is no stability here in your relationship, you're fire fighting and in crisis management mode the whole time.

The 3cs re alcoholism:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

[cauliflowercheese14]

God yes leave. I stayed with someone like that for eight years until I was a terrified, depressed wreck, horribly used to cleaning vomit off the walls and piss off the floor. No kids, thank god. It was my GP who said to me 'things will still be the same, if not worse, in ten years, is that what you want?' (I got shut of him at age 30 and now have been married for ten years to a moderate social drinker, have two kids and never ever fear the sound of the key in the lock late at night! My ex is still propping up bars and has been single ever since, I doubt he'll see 50.)

[niceupthedance]

If you dread hearing his key in the door you need to leave.

[bluesoup]

God, you're all so fab. Thank you. I have left. Who knows what will happen but as PP have said, we deserve better.
Honestly thank you. You all helped me through the night

[Stevefromstevenage]

The question is would this be the kind of life you would want for your fictional grown up children if you were to have them? I mean would you want them to be in a relationship with a adult whose functioning is so limited by alcohol? I really doubt it.

Well you are somebody's child. You don't deserve it either. Leave.

Often it is easier to see why it is wrong for others to put up with shit like this than for ourselves.

[pointythings]

Well done for leaving him.

What you describe wrt the pissing, vomiting and aggression is enough to classify as 'unreasonable behaviour'. And fortunately you don't have the ties of mortgage and kids. Start over, you deserve better.

[victoriafalls555]

Yes you should leave him. You are so lucky not to have kids. I grew up with a closet drinking father (no puking and falling over, just drunkennes) and have seen how it affected my mother. She never left him and she died before reaching her 60's, suffering from anxiety, shame and depression most of their married life, and i believe developing a serious health condition from all the unhappiness she went through. Get out now before it eats you up inside. He will survive.

[Naicehamshop]

Well done op. So pleased you have left! All the very best for the future.