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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I read a text from the ex!

29 replies

MrsRaymondReddington · 01/10/2016 09:28

I never go through DPs phone and this morning he was fast asleep and he got a text message which I happened to see, from his ex, asking if they could get back together. They have a child together so are in constant contact. We're engaged and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. He said he'd never get back with her in a million years and that he's happier than he's ever been with me. I've always had a problem with her and thought that she wanted him back and he's always said that I need to get over it and that would never happen. I really don't know why I'm posting, I think I just need some help getting my head around it. I trust him but this has really got to me.

OP posts:
RaRaRamona · 01/10/2016 10:04

Ask him what this text is about. Has he given her reason to think it's a possibility, etc.

IzzyIsBusy · 01/10/2016 10:07

If you trust your relationship then you have to move on from this.
She text him remember.

Original poster
MrsRaymondReddington · 01/10/2016 11:52

I do have to move on from it...I'm not angry with him. But she's interfered in our relationship before and the fact that she's always gonna be in his life gives me the rage. I guess I wish he was a bit more angry with her. He texted her back saying he is very happy with me and our life and the baby we have on the way and he showed me the text. I don't think he encourages her at all. I really want to send her a message but I'm trying to be the bigger person!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 01/10/2016 12:19

She sounds nasty & deluded. Talk to your Dp about your concerns though

Original poster
MrsRaymondReddington · 01/10/2016 12:33

She is nasty! I have never heard anyone say a good word about her. I think that should reassure me that I have nothing to worry about, but it just frustrates me more that she has to be in our lives! Ironically her child came and gave me a hug this morning when she saw I was upset! Obviously she doesn't know why.

OP posts:
BolshierAryaStark · 01/10/2016 13:09

Well you need to get over the rage you have about her always being in his life, they have a child together -if you couldn't deal with that then you should have walked away at the start. Try to remember that what you have with him, she also did at some point.
He is with you & texted her to say that, you need to move past your insecurities as these can end a relationship.

Aussiemum78 · 01/10/2016 13:13

I would wonder if he's playing you both tbh. Why would she send that text after you've been with him at least a year?

Aussiemum78 · 01/10/2016 13:14

Oh and just because he calls her crazy or whatever doesn't mean she is.

something2say · 01/10/2016 13:21

Together a year and already 30 weeks pregnant and engaged?

Original poster
MrsRaymondReddington · 01/10/2016 13:28

He doesn't call her crazy...he doesn't really say much about her as we rarely discuss her apart from when she interferes in our relationship. Everyone else that I've met that know/have met her have said she's nasty, crazy and can't believe that my DP ever put up with her!

Bolshier - this is where my problem lies... I have no problem with her being in his life as the mother of his child... the rage is with her being a twat. She's been with her current partner for longer than I've been with her ex! Her child loves her new partner. Everyone is settled, getting on with their lives and she has to stir shit up.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsRaymondReddington · 01/10/2016 13:31

Something - we've been together longer than a year!

OP posts:
milkyface · 01/10/2016 13:34

I would wonder if he's playing you both tbh. Why would she send that text after you've been with him at least a year?

When me and dp had been together two years and just bought a house his ex called him crying down the phone saying she was sure he was going to go back to her and propose and that our relationship was a 'phase' - some people are batshit Grin

PoppyPicklesPenguin · 01/10/2016 13:44

Ignore it OP.

We have to deal with a naracisit and it's not easy, but it's best for your DP to also respond with 0 emotion, she will soon get bored and go elsewhere for her drama.

Sweetdreamsaremadeofthis · 01/10/2016 13:58

Where in this post does the op say she been with her parter a year and why is that so bad anyway if she 30 weeks pregnant and been with him 52 weeks thats 22 weeks she was with him when she fell pregnant i was with my now dh 4 weeks when i fell pregnant and we are together 20 years this year

PoppyPicklesPenguin · 01/10/2016 14:00

She said she was a stepmum - I think that was enough for a world of assumptions to be made.

Original poster
MrsRaymondReddington · 01/10/2016 14:43

I knew 5 mins after meeting him that one day we'd get married so it really doesn't matter whether we'd been together 5 mins or 5 yrs before I got pregnant!

Thanks poppy...you're right. And DP is the master at dealing with things without emotion! I wish I could say the same about me.

OP posts:
allsfairinlove · 01/10/2016 14:49

I actually think it's a good sign that he doesn't get more angry with her OP.

It would be more worrying if he was still emotionally engaged with her.

Original poster
MrsRaymondReddington · 01/10/2016 15:23

Allsfair - I never thought of it that way. Thank you!

OP posts:
GizmoFrisby · 01/10/2016 15:43

I feel for you my partners ex is a shit stirring bitch too, she recently admitted she still loved him 8 years after they've split. She causes trouble all the time over their daughter and is jealous as jealous can be. If I can give u one bit of advice it is don't let her know she is getting to you. Your happy and she hates that. She is jealous and trying to cause trouble because she is unhappy. Try and get past it and keep talking to your partner about it otherwise it may cause you to argue. In my experience anyway Flowers
Why can't exs just

Chinks123 · 01/10/2016 15:44

It doesn't mean he's led her on for her to be sending these types of messages. Dps ex sent a message saying she still loved him and wished they were back together. Me and DP had been together 3 years and had a house and child. She was splitting with her partner at the time and obviously was pining for what she had before. It's sad people do this when they know the man has a child because they're essentially trying to break up a relationship. As long as your dp is honest with you and gives her no hope, I wouldn't worry. Very annoying though.

GizmoFrisby · 01/10/2016 15:44

Sorry posted to early. Get in with their own lives instead of inferring with others

Original poster
MrsRaymondReddington · 01/10/2016 16:08

Thanks Gizmo and Chinks. I think the hard part is being the better person and not allowing her to see that she's upset me. I have been toying with the idea of messaging her and/or her partner....but that's really not my style. And DP said the last thing he needs is for her to be single and therefore free to cause more problems. We have a wonderful life together and I imagine she is jealous. I don't think my pregnancy hormones are helping at all!

OP posts:
Cary2012 · 01/10/2016 18:16

Thing is OP, if she read this thread she'd be really pleased with herself because she had achieved her objective of rattling you! So don't rise to the bait. Ignore her, she's not worth thinking about. You and your partner are happy, he's not interested in her. You're over invested in her, so just ignore her totally.

You can't control her feelings, you can't control your partner's laid back approach, but you can and must stop letting her wind you up like this.

LemonSqueezy0 · 02/10/2016 20:03

So, he told you about the text, not knowing you'd seen it anyway? Shows he is honest and trustworthy. Honestly you don't want the drama of him being angry and het up all the time over it as in a way she's kind of winning. You're happy, he's happy everything else is immaterial tbh.

Chinks123 · 02/10/2016 21:36

I get what you mean op I thought of messaging her too but then I thought, she wants what I've got, he doesn't want her so leave her to it. I used to want him to get annoyed with her messages and then realised like a pp said that actually, he couldn't get worked up about it because..he didn't care. He wasn't interested in what she had to say and had no emotions towards her whatsoever. She has finally backed off now if that gives you any consolation (after she was blocked on all social media and phones Hmm)

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