Think he's cheating again, please give me the strength to leave

[heartbrokenagain12]

Can't beleive its come to this. I have no where to turn. I have name changed as I've posted previously about being unhappy.

Been with OH for 8 years - since we were 16 - 2 kids, house, mortgage etc. young i know. He proposed this year. Anyway when we bought our house (aged 21) he tried to finish it with me out of the blue, for no reason at all. When he was seeing our son I checked his phone and found out there was someone else. I told him to leave as he had broken my heart. He went back his moms for a few weeks but eventually we got back together and he promised he would never put me through this again.

I thought things were ok, since we have had another child. We have our tiffs about house work but nothing serious. Deep down I've never gotten over him cheatin on me. Its so wrong but occasionally I check his phone bill to see who he's been texting. Im constantly paranoid its going to happen again. So the past few weeks he's been up and down with me, hot and cold and I cant bare it any longer!!!! I've asked him if there is anyone else and he just gets so angry for me accusing him and says he is sick of it.

I today checked his phone bill and have seen 5 texts sent to a number around 7pm on Friday evening. This was the night I was out with my work lot and he was at home looking after our 2 young boys. I called the number and it was a woman, i searched the number on facebok, turns out its a polish woman (looks around the same age-ish as me), and I'm guessing she works with him (though it doesnt say on her profile) as they take on a lot of polish staff. There is no way I can question him and say I've looked at his bill because he will go mad. I need more proof.

There havent been any exchange between them since Friday from what I can see but he easily could now be whatsapping her, talking to her on FB. Something here isnt right. Maybe i'm overly paranoid and its one of the guys at works GF i dont know but who am i kidding??!?!

Tonight he finishes at 10 - he called to say he is going to be about 20 - 30 mins late home because he's got to train some night staff that are taking over the shift. Dno what the hell to think now.

Today before he went to work I lay by him and he was on his phone, he told me to get off, I was like wtf I am putting my head by you before you go to work, and he said no I was about to jump on him. This upset me so I stormed off upstairs. He came up about 10 mins after and kissed me on the head and hugged me. He then went in the shower and this is when i checked the phone bill online. I couldnt contain my upset so when he got out i asked him straight if he had been talking to somoene else (as i said earlier i seen texts were sent friday). he said no and started to shout at me asking why i had flipped from being happy to this. He left the house in a massive mood with me.

I hate this misserable life of not knowing whether he is coming or going but I havent got the guts to leave. I wanted a family for my kids - I love him. Im close-ish to my mom. My friends dont go out that much. I just cant cope with this anymore.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I said to him last night once he goes this time there isn't any turning back. I said if I find out they had been texting again I'm taking everything to his moms and changing the locks. His response - I can't do that as its half his house

[heartbrokenagain12]

I can't even think about studying right now. I just don't get his timing.

[heartbrokenagain12]

Please, anyone,'tell me how you got through this heart break.

[ohdearme1958]

Heartbreak - the decision to move out and on to a different life should not be his. You really would be better off without him so make this you're chance to make a new life for yourself - tell him to go.

Why has he done all of this now? You're both still growing. You're going through a growth spurt. He wants the life he's missed out on by being in a very grown up situation from a very young age. He's just not going about it in a mature way because he's not really mature.

You are going through a growth spurt also - you're away to finish uni. I think you may have outgrown him but you don't realise that yet. You're clinging on to what is familiar to you because you're scared of the unknown.

You are both growing in different ways. And there are two ways to look at this - he is training you to put up with his nonsense to the extent you'll even give up uni and be well and truly put in your place by him.

Or he is thinking - nows a good time to engineer a seperation because she's away to uni and she's going to wise up and get herself the life she deserves.

I think people will have a very clear idea of which one it really is.

How to stop the pain, the sheer agony of it all? Sadly, that takes time. And all we can tell you is that one day, perhaps sooner than you think, you'll be feeling much better.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I've done two years of uni, this is my last year and I needed his support. I needed my family unit. How can he lie to my face like this saying he hasn't spoken to her. I just hate the feeling of loneliness. It's like he doesn't care. I don't know if he will go back to his moms tonight on her sofa. I can't tell.

[ohdearme1958]

For more than one reason he isn't up to giving you the support and right now you have to let him go and concentrate on your last year at uni.

There is more misery in your life with him than joy and that really is the bottom line.

[EttaJ]

You're right OP. You and your DC deserve more than this,better than this and you will find it but not whilst you're with him. He neither loves or respects you and you deserve both . Please please do not waste a moment more with him. I promise you that you will be so glad you left him when you look back. You will get over him,cut it short now because you will be looking back in anger and frustration at how long you wasted with this loser. 💐